Being Authentic — How To Become More Of Yourself
How important is the opinion of other people to you?
Is it even possible to be authentic nowadays? In all kinds of everyday situations, we behave differently to please, to be popular, and to be well received.
We usually slip into different roles completely unconsciously: at work, at family celebrations, when friends are visiting, and even when spending time alone with our partner.
We only lose ourselves a little bit in the process.
To explain how you can be more authentic, first, we go into more detail about what authenticity actually is and what advantages you have when you live more authentically.
What Exactly Is Authenticity Anyway?
The word authenticity is derived from the Greek authentikós and means translated: “to be yourself”, or to behave as you are.
People who live authentically are relaxed and feel more comfortable in their skin in the long run because they don’t have to keep in mind what role they have to play. In the job or everyday life, people who appear authentic are also perceived as credible, reliable, and genuine.
However, one has to be careful with self-perception, because we often use our own standards to evaluate the authenticity of other people. People who have managed to perfect their roles and play them particularly convincingly are therefore also falsely perceived as very authentic.
So what does it mean to be true to yourself and radiate authenticity? You stand by your views and opinions. You make decisions not to please others, but because you think it is right. You are aware of your mistakes and do not try to hide them. You go your own way in life. You have high self-esteem… the list goes on. But in the end, it boils down to the following:
Your goal should always be to feel authentic, not to appear so to others.
Why Being Authentic Is Often Difficult
Why do we often find it so difficult to be authentic, if it only means behaving the way you actually are? Basically, you don’t have to learn anything about this, you just have to be yourself.
However, most people are afraid of this, which prevents them from being true to themselves. They are afraid because they have learned that it is desirable to please others. The fear can have different causes depending on the person we are facing.
- To Hurt. When we realize that a friendship is no longer based on the same interests, or when we realize how our feelings in a partnership diminish.
- To Disappoint. Often the parents or grandparents, e.g. if you have other plans and want to quit studying.
- From Rejection. For example in cliques, when you don’t feel like smoking or buying the latest brand clothes.
- To appear silly. If you have an unusual taste in music or clothing style that does not meet the norm.
This fear forces us into different roles, imposes masks on us so that we don’t cause a problem. So that we don’t hurt anyone or attract unpleasant attention ourselves.
But only authentic behavior will allow you to develop your personality and grow in those directions that you consider interesting and desirable.
The Deep-Seated Desire To Please Others
Back in the Stone Age, it was a death sentence to be cast out of the herd: Survival without the tribe was simply not possible back then.
We are not authentic, because we are still afraid of being rejected.
Nowadays, this still existing herd instinct shows itself in the urge not to be overly conspicuous. By proactively taking care of your good position in the group, you secure your place there and thus your survival.
However, this is no longer a serious reason in this day and age. Nowadays we can survive on our own and have plenty of opportunities to find like-minded people. The time has come to be true to ourselves and present ourselves to society as we really are.
1. Self-Observation
To arrive somewhere, you first have to know the destination. If you want to live more authentically and sincerely, you must first know your own motives and values. An important point is your awareness:
Pay attention during the next days & weeks when you wear a mask (not the corona one) and which strengths or values you are playing.
Once you have found out which beliefs and values are integral to your life, you should definitely write them down. Authenticity means that you are in harmony with your values and act according to them.
To have a good overview of whether you have acted according to your values, not only the momentary awareness but also a subsequent reflection of the whole day/week helps. This can take place for example in the form of writing a diary!
If you still have difficulties in identifying your motives, beliefs, or standards, you should ask yourself these questions from time to time in the coming days:
- What is important to me?
- How am I when I do not pretend?
- With which persons do I feel comfortable?
- Who am I really?
2. Learning To Accept Weaknesses
Authenticity means being true to yourself. It means that you also stand by your weaknesses. By the way, it is a sign of enormous self-confidence if you can stand by your weaknesses, even other people will unconsciously notice this!
Besides, it can work wonders in intimate conversations if you first admit one of your weaknesses, this makes you appear more human & natural and perhaps encourages your counterpart to open up to you!
Practice self-love, accept yourself as you are. With individual strengths and weaknesses. Then you will become even more relaxed and satisfied in addition to the advantages mentioned above.
3: Create A Life Vision
What do you answer when I ask you where you see yourself in 5 weeks? 5 months? In 5 years?
You can consider different aspects in your answer and thus also in your life vision: How highly do I value health, happiness, family, wealth, inner peace, self-confidence, spontaneity, etc. in my life? Which of these values do I want to represent and consider at any time in my life and adapt my path accordingly?
If you have problems identifying values that you find desirable, then take people as role models. These could be friends, family members, athletes, actors, etc. Ask yourself what you admire about them. For example, their calmness or focus. In this way, you can identify further values for your life vision.
4. Strengthen Self-Confidence
Sometimes it takes courage to be authentic. It is not always easy to admit feelings and show them to the outside world. It is not easy, for example, to tell the boss that you feel being treated unfairly.
If we are not used to this, at first it feels as if we are running into a wall that seems impassable. Therefore, a strong self-confidence can help you to live more authentically.
Conversely, a higher level of authenticity can strengthen your self-esteem because you know your own values and take your actions as a basis for them.
If you recognize that you still have the potential for growth in this area and need tips to strengthen your self-confidence, I can highly recommend:
5. Experiment With Fears
Already at the beginning of the article, we learned that fears are the main cause for all the pretending and “not being authentic”.
If you get to know your fears better, you can overcome them more easily. Consequently, you pave the way for more authenticity and genuineness in your life!
You are surely familiar with the concept of the comfort zone, where the activities that you enjoy and do not require any overcoming are located. If you want to face your fears, you step one step out of the comfort zone into your personal growth zone.
After you have been here for a while, you expand your comfort zone, conquer more space, and allow yourself to do things that you never thought would become real in the beginning! You can start right away here:
6: Stop Worrying About What Other People Think
Authenticity means being true to yourself — not to others. It is even very hindering if you orientate your life too much towards the opinions of other people!
No matter what masks you wear or how much you pretend and bend to please, you will never be able to please anyone out there.
The so-called spotlight effect means that we humans always feel like we’re in the spotlight. Every little spot on your pants, a tousled hairstyle, something like that has to be noticed by others, doesn’t it? Totally embarrassing.
But since every person thinks like that, the others are also in their own thoughts, making sure they look good enough and concentrate that nothing embarrassing happens to them.
Closing words
One last warning: Being true to yourself should not be an excuse to hurt other people just because they are not in a good light from your perspective.
Your partner’s new haircut may look hilarious, but you can still teach it to her gently. Even if you act authentically, your actions will have consequences and you should not completely turn off your head. Don’t be a dick.
If you manage to make decisions and live carefully but always authentically and sincerely, you will realize that this is an incredibly good feeling — to be true to yourself — and it is much more relaxing than constantly slipping into different roles!
Use your potential!