Being Attractive Sucks — Here’s Why

Trust me…I was a “model”

I know what you’re thinking.

“Looks aren’t everything” said by a model is like “Money isn’t everything” said by a millionaire.

But hear me out —

No one wants to talk about it — you’re probably thinking that I’m just another pretty girl who’s full of herself and doesn’t have any “real struggles” so is victimizing herself based on her looks in an attempt to get some attention.

Can you see? Your unconscious judgment is proving my point before I even begin!

*I know this topic is probably going to backfire but I believe it’s important to talk about it.

This is not just about me sharing my personal struggles.

In a world filled with plastic surgery, excess use of makeup and a desperate need to look “attractive” I think it’s necessary to share the whole truth:

“Being attractive is not everything”

This is me.

I did not choose to look a certain way. My physical features just happen to match society’s standards of beauty. I won the genetic lottery without signing up for it.

And i’m expected to be eternally grateful for the blessing.

While I understand the presupposition, I want to ask you to walk in my shoes for the next 5 minutes.

I’m not denying the benefits of beauty or the ways in which it can (and will) make your life easier but those are often talked about and acknowledged. You might say “Being ugly is way harder.” — Probably. After all, everything in life has its advantages and disadvantages. The issue is, like many other concepts in society we have glorified the idea of beauty from a one-sided perspective and failed to highlight the consequences fully and accurately.

It’s one of those ultimate “goals” that everyone is so desperately trying to achieve. But beauty comes at a cost. And it needs to be talked about.

Before I begin — What even makes a person “attractive”?

There are a variety of traits and qualities that make a person “attractive”. The markers of “beauty” in women are general markers of biological health like symmetry & lower waist to hip ratio which is generally an indicator of reproductive fitness. They also include a youthful appearance & infant-like or innocent facial features.

Women on the other hand, typically prefer men five to eight years older, with higher socioeconomic status (measured by the ability to climb the status hierarchy, not wealth), intelligence, ambitiousness & a sense of humor.

Since beauty is one of the first characteristics that we identify in our initial interactions, it can distort reality and have a huge effect on how we perceive the person. Pay attention to how your first impression may prejudice you against someone else.

Here’s ten reasons why being attractive sucks:

1. Unjustifiable hate — people somehow have less empathy towards me. They assume by their first impression that I’m a privileged pretty girl who never had a single difficult day in my life because I simply used my looks to my advantage in every possible way.
2. First impressions are almost always identical; women instinctively hate me and men just want to hit on me — The truth is: First impressions matter. I have lost job opportunities because the interviewer was a woman and I actually saw the “jealous” look in her eyes as she tried to find an irrational excuse to criticize my portfolio.
3. Having to work harder than everyone else to prove myself — Pretty faces are expected to be just that — a pretty face. People almost always assume that I only made it this far because I was “attractive”. Whether it’s a work environment or a general encounter, I have to work extra hard to prove myself in terms of intelligence or my skills.
4. Being stared at and hit on, everywhere — Regardless of what I’m wearing or where I am, attractiveness gives instant permission to strangers to come up to me and compliment me on my looks or ask me out. I understand how some places increase the chances of being hit on but waiting in line in my sweatpants at the grocery shop is clearly not my state of seeking a potential partner. And I am expected to be polite and positive because them shooting their shot requires “courage” but me refusing to be hit on while running errands is disrespectful. Rejecting the offer, even if done kindly has almost always lead to backlash and sometimes even aggressive responses which leads me to my next point:
5. Getting insulted and harassed when I mention I’m taken — and worse, when I mention I have a “girlfriend”. The single most disrespectful phrase I have ever heard was “What a waste, why would you date girls when there are so many guys that want you?” I don’t want to open the topic of sexual assault or rape in this article, but I have had situations where I knew the wise thing to do was smile and get along rather than firmly reject someone. While I logically know and morally believe that a firm rejection is the “right” thing to do, I have witnessed and experienced aggressive behavior as a result of a firm rejection every single time. So as a simple act of personal defense, I force myself to smile along just to protect myself and end things “peacefully”.
6. Constantly having to under-dress and under-perform to prove I’m not “seeking attention” — I found myself wearing nothing but neutral-colored baggy clothes to avoid being noticed. I would not speak up in meetings even if I could contribute to the project because I simply didn’t want to get the “look” from everyone where they assume my idea was accepted just because my boss likes me. If I happen to be feeling special one day and dress up (or god forbid, put on makeup!) I’m instantly hated for making others “feel bad” about themselves. I’m not even allowed to acknowledge my “beauty”. I’m expected to be humble and deny.
7. The halo effect —that phenomenon whereby the perception of positive qualities in one thing or part gives rise to the perception of similar qualities in related things or in the whole; The pressure to always look good and to perform well in everything. They expect the confidence to be there in every activity and for me to be effortlessly good at everything. I feel an intense amount of pressure constantly because I want to avoid disappoint everyone by bursting “the bubble”.
8. Loneliness — It sounds paradoxical but the loneliest people are often the ones getting the most “attention”. Making friends is difficult to say the least. Women tend to avoid me simply because of envy and the false assumption that I will steal their partner. And male friends end up wanting more than friendship. Looks also tend to intimidate people. I end up being alone because everyone assumes I’m surrounded by a ton of people or they don’t approach me because they simply think they’re out of my league.
9. Being objectified — this goes without saying & it’s a problem I share with all women. I’m constantly treated like a trophy. Men just want the “beautiful woman” on their side and women befriend me just to increase their social status. I am only an accessory, like an expensive suit, or a flashy car. It’s deeply invalidating to know the people in your life never bother to get to know you but rather just want to use your image to their benefit.
10. Deeply, deeply insecure — when the world responds only to your external self (consistently), you naturally become dependent on external validation. If you grow up smiling your way out of any situation, you do not develop the internal resources that are necessary to cope with life fully. The world simply glorifies and praises our “beauty” then takes it all away when we age leaving us empty and lost. I can guarantee you, some of the most insecure and lonely people you’ll ever meet are the “models” you assume to have the best social life and the most amount of confidence.

Being attractive does not make your life easier. It just replaces your problems with new ones.

Society forces me to rely on my looks and then condemns me for exploiting them. I can’t win either way. If I “appreciate” my looks, I’m an egoistic narcissist and if I complain about them I’m ungrateful.

I do admit that people tend to do things for me that they would probably not do for less attractive people but it’s highly demoralizing to watch everyone gravitate towards my looks and not my capabilities.

I hope this message helps those who go through similar things to know they are not alone. Just because no one talks about it does not mean they don’t go through it.

And I hope it helps those struggling to fit in and stop the pressure to wear a ton of makeup or have surgeries to look a certain way. I wish everyone can find their peace and true purpose and avoid falling into society’s trap of benefiting from our insecurities and urge to alter our image.

While beauty may very well be in the eye of the beholder, sometimes they also behold-ing it against you.