Being An Observer Saved My Butt As A Mom And A Human Being in 2020!

How Being An Observer Can Save Your Butt In A World Gone Crazy!

I cannot help but feel disheartened, fearful, and worried about the world we live in right now. When I tune in to all of the injustice being perpetrated in the world, the pandemic, and the political shit show that is called our government I just want to pull over the covers and never get out of bed.

I feel so compelled to look AWAY.

And not looking away in a way that suggests I am burying my head in the sand until it all goes away, but rather looking away to persevere these unprecedented times.

I am highly empathic and have to be very conscious of where I give my attention because I can destroy myself quite easily by getting into everyone’s business and losing me and my voice in the process.

And this is where Being An Observer has saved my butt.

Being An Observer in a Dream: What If This New World Is A Dream That We Can Choose?

I have found that when I treat my life more like an observer of a dream, I get less attached to the outcome and can navigate life with much more ease.

You know a dream like a movie called The Matrix where Neo (played by Keanu Reeves) gets to choose what reality he wants to live in. It’s a choice between the blue pill or the red pill.

The blue pill is like swallowing the dream that we are powerless and victims of this reality.

The red pill is like swallowing the truth. The truth of who we are and not what society tells us we should be.

If you are interested please watch the clip from the movie to get a deeper sense of what I am talking about.

How Do You Become An Observer In Life?

First, we need to know what an observer does and how they approach life.

Let’s contrast Participant versus Observer to give us an idea from a psychological standpoint of these personality characteristics.

So back to the question, how do I become an observer of life?

Well, it’s a dance between participant and observer styles. One is not right in all situations.

I find myself getting in trouble when I am being too involved (Participant) by empathizing with other’s feelings to try and help them.

And I can find myself pulling way back (Observer) as a way to escape the intensity of what others are feeling.

How to Observe Thoughts and Feelings

Let’s look at a real-life example.

My daughter comes to me and says Mom my friend thinks I’m a bitch and she’s telling other people to stay away from me because of it. I care about this person and having her think this of me just makes me want to kill myself.

My daughter is dramatic and she has attempted to take her life in the past.

I have 2 choices here: I can step back and observe this situation or I can become immersed in it with my daughter and feel into all the pain she is experiencing. (And trust me, option two is something I can easily fall into).

Which choice gets me freer as a Mother?

The choice to step back and observe. And here is what I said back to her, “yes if I cared more about what other people thought of me I would want to kill myself too”.

She was quite surprised by my response but was able to move on quite quickly from the pain of this friend interaction.

She didn’t need me perpetuating her pain, she just needed me to acknowledge her pain. Sure I could have felt sorry for her and gotten mad with the friend who was saying the hurtful words but that would have been a harder path to go down with her.

Observing and acknowledging her here were more productive for both of us.

Why Being An Observer Is Important When Raising Kids

Being the Observer with my daughter allowed me as a mother to NOT become immersed in her pain.

I’ll be honest, it was super hard watching my daughter struggle through those teen years. She was on a crash course to experience it all from anxiety, to depression, to an attempt on her life, to alcohol and drugs, to sex, and abusive relationships.

The only thing that kept me from going insane back then was stepping back and observing.

Observing was the vehicle I used to HEAR my daughter and ME. Being the Observing Mom didn’t mean that I did not get upset or that I did not lose my shit from time to time. It just meant that I did not get stuck as easily in the sticky emotions that arose in a lot of uncomfortable situations with my daughter. By Observing my daughter I had better access to solutions.

Being the Observing Mom showed me that I could be a different kind of parent. A parent who relied more upon her intuition than the rights and wrongs that this society deemed necessary when raising a teen.

Being the Observing Mom Actionable Tips:

1. Breathe (breathing is one of the most undervalued actions that you can take) Breathing allows you to get back in your body. Being in your body connects you to your intuition.
2. Self-Care Practices like Yoga and Meditation. Even walking the dog counts (minus the cell phone)! Anything that causes you to focus inward.
3. Being in the Question as much as possible. Asking WHAT questions mostly because Why questions are judgments disguised as questions.
4. Reaching Out and asking for help because YOU ARE NOT ALONE

And guess what? Being the Observing Mom works! My daughter is now pursuing an education in Music Management, interning this summer in her field, and graduating from her music school this August.

Why Being An Observer In The Bigger World Works Too!

Being the Observer offers tremendous value for dealing with our current world. A world that could pull you under the water and have you gasping for air if you let it.

A world where violence and injustice are served to us as the daily special at our local diner. A diner that requires masks to enter.

Here’s the thing, violence begets violence and it’s a bullying way to get what you want.

I am not saying it doesn’t work and that you cannot get what you desire from violence. What I am saying is it leaves us with an unsustainable false sense of power that can be pulled out from under us at any time.

What I am suggesting is that we step back and look within ourselves for the truth. And yes, that maybe something we don’t have time for right now given our current political climate and failing institutions.

However, being the observer can render us more productive in a time where the media would have us believe that we are powerless victims.

Being the Observer says “NO” to a belief in the status quo. And the observer lifestyle takes you off of your internal autopilot.

Questions to Help You Become the Observer

1. What is the intent of this news broadcast? Most media are tasked with the job to evoke emotion because emotion is what sells. People do not want to be bored with facts, they want to be entertained (or so the media thinks).
2. What is the value of the information that is being presented to me now? Does this information contribute to me and our society as a whole or does it incite more confusion?
3. What’s true about this for me and what’s false about this for me? We are flooded with mixed messages a lot of the time because being confused renders us powerless.
4. What emotions are they trying to get me to feel right now? If you look at the media from their point of view, you get to see that the information they are portraying is not something that empowers us.
5. What do I know about me concerning this? I teach my clients this tool. Put your hand on your heart (as we want the answer to come from our hearts and not our heads) and then ask the question. Nine times out of ten the answer is “I AM OK”

Yes, we can pull the covers over our heads and pretend that what’s happening all around us is not what’s happening.

But, if we take an observer approach to our lives, we just might be able to navigate this world with a little more ease. And become the welcome contribution to the world that is so crying out for our involvement now.

Thank You For Reading!