Being Alone and Being Lonely Are Not the Same

Summary

The author reflects on the distinction between solitude and loneliness, grappling with the desire for companionship while acknowledging the challenges of finding a suitable partner at the age of 64.

Abstract

The author of the article discusses the nuanced difference between being alone and feeling lonely, emphasizing that despite having his daughter around, he still yearns for someone to converse with, particularly someone his own age. As an introvert with a small circle of friends and past relationships that have soured, he finds himself without a confidant. The author admits to self-imposed solitude due to selectivity in companionship and political differences, such as opposing views on QAnon. He recognizes loneliness as a state of mind that can be felt even in a crowd and has found peace in solitude, yet there are days he longs for companionship. The challenge of re-entering the dating scene, especially after a negative experience with eHarmony, is daunting. Despite past mistakes, the author remains hopeful about finding someone to share simple pleasures with and invites others in similar situations to share their experiences and strategies for enjoying life and companionship again.

Opinions

The author feels a sense of solitude despite the presence of his daughter, indicating a need for adult companionship.
He believes that the right fit in a relationship is crucial and prefers to remain single rather than settle for less.
Political beliefs, such as the extreme views of QAnon, are a significant barrier in his potential relationships.
The author has come to terms with the idea that loneliness is a mental state, not necessarily tied to physical solitude.
He has found some contentment in being alone but still experiences moments of desiring companionship.
The author is critical of his past dating experiences, particularly with online platforms like eHarmony.
At 64, he is more interested in being genuine and seeking a genuine connection rather than trying to impress someone.
He is open to advice and stories from others who have navigated similar circumstances in search of companionship.
The author is philanthropic, suggesting that readers who can afford it contribute to "Dining for Hunger," a charity aiming to combat food insecurity.

Being Alone and Being Lonely Are Not the Same

I wanted to pick up the phone and realized I had no one to talk with

Someone to hold hands with sounds good to me. © Bruce Coulter Photography

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I was driving around town today, taking care of a few chores. Suddenly it hit me that I have no one to talk to about — anything. It’s the same for having someone to confide in; does that make me alone or lonely?

I’m never really alone. My daughter lives with me. But she’s my daughter. As I’ve written before, Briana’s my co-road warrior as we travel around New England on weekends. I encourage her to hang out with her friends and coworkers, but I think she’s a lot like me when it comes to people. She can take them or leave them.

We don’t discuss some things, and that’s OK.

Today, however, I felt the urge to call someone just to talk, to hear another voice my age, or at least close to it. And I have no one.

It doesn’t help that I’m an introvert. I also have a small, nay, minuscule circle of friends. For a time, I had a former lover I could talk with. But over time, that relationship went sour (again), and I put her out of my life.

Making matters worse is that I’ve trapped myself in solitude. I’ve had opportunities, but you know if the fit is right. They weren’t for me. Politics has made it difficult as well. One interested woman is a psycho QAnon follower. No. Hell no.

Now, I realize loneliness is a state of mind. I can be surrounded by thousands of people in a ballpark and still be lonely.

I can and have found peace in loneliness. But there are days when I clamor for companionship. Frankly, it’s been so long since I was on the dating circuit I have no idea how to get started. I tried eHarmony several years ago. It wasn’t worth the monthly price of admission.

I’m not perfect. I’ve made so many damn mistakes I’ve lost count. Nonetheless, I like to think that one day, I’ll have, at the very least, someone to take to dinner or enjoy a coffee with during breakfast or lunch.

At 64, I’m not looking to impress anyone. I prefer being who I am: a nice guy who can occasionally be a pain in the ass.

If you’re stuck in a similar rut, please sound off. I’d love to know how you handled it and how you may have changed to get back to enjoying life and companionship.

I accept tips, which go directly to Dining for Hunger, a recognized 501(c)(3) organization that looks to end food insecurity. If you can spare a dollar or two, I’d be grateful.

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