Being A Widow For Two Years

Sleeping single in my double bed

Widows are everywhere. And more are added to this sisterhood daily. It doesn’t matter where you live in the world, there are women without their life partner. Think Ukraine.

Becoming a widow is a different experience for everyone. We are all the same, but we are all different. Some hearts heal quicker than others.

Many women find themselves being care givers when their husbands become critically ill. Women seem to outlive men. When we first married did we think that we would one day become widows and we should plan accordingly?

Of course not.

I guess I thought my husband would live forever. He was healthy and active. I should have planned to be alone, but I didn’t. We were still having fun after 42 years and you know what they say, “Time flies when you’re having fun.” Very true.

So, when you’re planning for the happiest day of your life, you should also plan for the worst day of your life, but we can’t think about the unthinkable.

You must look out for yourself and not expect your husband to do it for you.

Being alone in my house

When my husband was alive, our house was a home.

When my husband died, our home became a house. There is a difference.

A house with 12 rooms, large sun filled hallways with gallery walls of art, some good, some bad, bordering a center hall staircase.

Too big of a house for a single woman surrounded by memories at every turn.

So, I waited a year and sold my house. That was not what I wanted to do, but I tried to reason with myself that I did not need to spend my senior years keeping up maintenance on a big, lonely house.

I need to create a new life for myself, instead of being tied down to an old life.

Downsizing most of my personal belongings was very hard. If you have possessions you love, then you can understand how hard it was to let go. How do you decide what to part with?

Who do you call to do a buyout?

Believe me, it was chaos when buyers came to the house to look over my things.

Even after all the things that were sold, I still have a lot to declutter.

Pros and cons here.

To eat or not to eat, that is the question

I’ve lost my love of cooking and eating. As a couple, my husband and I were professional cooks for many years. He was a great chef and I always felt so privileged to have a husband prepare meals for me.

Food doesn’t bring joy to me anymore. Being alone I can eat or not. I don’t have to cook. I don’t want to cook for me and mess up the kitchen. There’s always frozen dinners, takeout or canned soups.

Being alone, I can eat at any time of day or night. I guess this is a pro of being a widow.

One big con

Grief becomes your constant companion. It goes where you go.

There are days when I try to be the old me, trying to look forward to things, and just when I think I feel better, grief steps in and slaps me down. Then I lose focus and interest.

Sadness and grief visit again.

As I navigate this new life, I am still looking for direction.

I really did not want to start a new life at this point. I was very happy with my life the way it was.

Becoming a widow is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I’m happiest when I am asleep, but I don’t sleep much.

I had a dream a few weeks ago about my husband being asleep on the sofa. I was patting him on the shoulder to wake up. He woke up and looked at me, then I woke up. It was very clearly my husband. That’s the only dream I’ve had about my husband since he passed.

Just being me

I keep to myself most of the time. I mostly go to the grocery store. Since I’ve moved, I live about 5 minutes from the market.

My heart is not really into doing much. I prefer to be home alone. I can’t stand forced conversation, so I don’t do anything that I don’t want to do.

When I’m ready to socialize, I’ll know it.

People who have never experienced this kind of tragedy really don’t know how you feel. They think they do, but experiencing a death is not like anything else.

And they need to understand that some people grieve for many years. There is no time frame. You can’t say, “I’m done with grief now!” It doesn’t work that way.

I know I’ll never be the same.

I may one day be happy. I have no idea what the new “happy” will look like, but I know it will be different. I wonder if I will ever deeply laugh again.

I still think about how my husband might feel about certain decisions that I’ve made. He still controls part of my life, but I know that will change as the years pass. I know I can never have my life back the way it was and I will move on when the time is right for me.

Widows — Don’t go looking for love in all the wrong places

Some women are so desperate to not be alone, they turn to online dating sites. Yes, I know some of these work out.

These sites are filled with many pictures of faces that may or may not be real. You can’t be too careful.

Do not give out personal contact information and do not send money to anyone. Many women send money to prospects, so they can supposedly meet up. Some men prey on the vulnerability of widows.

They may be looking for a nurse with a purse.

Women let their hearts overrule their heads. They can be so vulnerable. When they are young, they fear being alone. It’s a fate worse than death to not get married young since all their girlfriends are being married.

They follow their emotions and overlook many things and by the time they realize that they are not compatible with each other, it’s too late. They’ve had kids and the relationship has soured, but they hang on until the kids are gone.

This often leads to abuse in so many forms. If only she had paid attention before she took that fatal step into marriage.

Sleeping single in my double bed

That says it all.

The world is filled with couples. I don’t want to be a spare, an extra place at a table that throws off the table settings.

But I will continue to be alone in my double bed. I sleep in the middle, so there’s no room for anyone else, unless it is a dog!

I don’t think the future has another partner for me, as my husband would be a hard act to follow. Kind of like movie sequels are never as good as the original.

I had a great relationship with my best friend/husband.

He was considerate of everything. He was not messy at home and did not expect me to wait on him or pick up after him.

I was not a maid or janitor. He did his own laundry and always lowered the toilet seat each time.

I know the bathroom habits of men is a constant irritation for wives. (Maybe there should be a toilet seat test, if you’re looking for another partner!)

Some men couldn’t hit the toilet if it was the size of an Olympic swimming pool ! They spray everywhere. Hey, Cowboy get a grip!

And if they make a mess, I believe they should clean it up! Your bathroom is not a service station toilet!

If they clean up their own pee, maybe they’ll be more careful.

Cleaning up behind a man is/was not part of my job description. This is a definite pro of being alone!

I do not want any man using my toilet.

Me and my GPS

I am wanting to travel. I will be the driver of my new car. This is my first new car in years that I don’t have to share. But, I get tired of being the main driver. I always enjoyed my husband driving.

I was hoping that we would be taking road trips together. It’s just not as much fun with out someone to share new adventures with.

This is both a pro and a con of being alone.

Maybe I should start a You Tube channel to share my travels with others.