Being a “Perfect Wife” is Scary — But Who Cares?
Depressed wives come out of their shells now because they know better.
All her life Penelope wanted to be that perfect wife. The woman who centered her husband, The one who worshipped his every step.
Then she got married.
Every day was rosy. Penelope finally got her wish. Her husband treated her like the queen she was. We the cheerers saw their love boom.
Six years later, Penelope’s love song changed. She would whine like a newborn baby. If only she had a child to console her. If only she listened to her heart and not married the man her parents had chosen for her.
If only she finished school and got a job. “If only…if only…if only” became her new song.
Her husband was no longer the king of her heart. He became the nightmare that taunted her, day and night.
Our tradition is obsessed with children, especially male children. If a woman can’t give her husband a child, she’s one ticket away from hell. Not having a child was the catalyst that drove Penelope into depression. Her husband’s disrespect started when she complained about his late-night escapades.
He was a drug lord. Penelope was charmed by his wealth. But little did she know that happiness couldn’t be bought.
I hate saying “I told you so,” but I did warn my cousin Penelope to focus her attention on her career instead of getting married at twenty-one because her parents told her marriage was every woman’s dream.
Marriage is no joke.
The pressure on married women to be perfect was too much for a young like Penelope to handle. So she did what every frustrated wife does, she left the marriage.
A wife is good and virtuous as long as her family is whole. Any cracks or breaks mean she’s not doing or didn’t do her job well. Married women have a hard time running their homes. They are expected to take time out of their jobs to take the kids to the doctor, attend their school activities, and take care of everything concerning the home.
If you have ever watched “I Think I Love My Wife” you will know firsthand how much marriage changes women. Chris Rock couldn’t handle the changes he saw in his wife so he sought comfort from a single lady friend. Just like men, most women can’t handle the expectations that come with marriage.
According to the survey, 91 percent of women wanted their marriages to end more than their husbands because of emotional detachment and loneliness. Compared to 29 percent of men who sought divorce first.
Women cheating on their spouses increased to 75 percent compared to 53 percent in 2016. Those having an affair said that was the only way they could remain married to their spouses.
Despite social changes in women, 87 percent complained about a lack of respect and frequent fighting for their rights in marriage.
Women do not get the luxury of being married and stay friendly to all genders. Their finances get smaller and so do their social connections.
Women invest more time and energy in their marriage than men. And this contributes to the unhappiness and willingness to end the marriage.
There was enormous societal pressure on women to pretend to be happy, even if they weren’t. Today, society allows women to openly express their feelings if they are unhappy.
Women lose their self-esteem after marriage, especially those who had to quit their careers and aspirations. When women become dependent on their husbands, they start to see themselves as liabilities.
Since their husbands are the sole providers, they rely on them for a good future and assume they have nothing to contribute. These women replace their image with that of a wife and mother who cares for everyone else except themselves.
They are more likely to sacrifice their hobbies, leisure time, and career goals for marriage.
If the man earns more than the woman he feels he has more power in decision-making. He pays no/less attention to household chores and expects the woman to take full responsibility for those chores.
This includes taking kids to their games, grocery shopping, preparing tax budgets, attending parent's meetings and other school functions, cooking, cleaning, etc.
After marriage, women focus on improving the health of the family while neglecting their health. The belief that they need to do everything to give their children and husband a happy home can put a lot of pressure on women.
Worrying about the financial burden, buying a home, having the same circle of friends, doing things together all the time, and not having some days to yourself to decompress from emotional stress all make life less interesting, rewarding, and fun for married women.
About 22 percent of marriages fail due to financial burdens. The pressure on the man to be the provider and protector in the marriage affects both the man and the woman.
Most women end up staying in bad marriages because they do not have the financial support to care for themselves. Therefore, financial independence is essential for all married women.
Women shouldn’t be in a hurry to quit their jobs or combine their financial assets with their husbands after marriage. Financial freedom ensures the maintenance of emotional and economic balance in the marriage and also gives women the confidence to walk out if the marriage doesn’t work out as expected.
Many mothers bury themselves in home duties. They say there are too many things to do in a day but more time is needed. Well, it’s time to set your boundaries. Start delegating chores to your children and husband.
Some of my married friends still do their teenage children’s laundry. One of her eldest is 14 and she does his home, cleans his room, and washes his clothes. Some men would rather sit on the couch playing video games or watching sports than help out in the kitchen.
Women need to give themselves time to breathe too. Picking up and dropping kids off at school, attending school activities, taking out the trash, washing dirty dishes and cleaning the house, doing laundry, and shopping for groceries are duties your husband can do too.
It’s your responsibility as much as his to keep the home organized and conducive for everyone.
Having a separate friend from that of your spouse can improve the longevity and stability of your marriage. Spending time with friends without your spouse can be refreshing and a change of pace.
You do not always have to be with your husband. Spending time away from your partner can promote your cognitive functions and create a more open environment to communicate freely with one another.
When you spend time with friends of similar interests, you have the mental peace to be more loving and understanding to your spouse. Friends create a network of support and consistency most couples desire for happy and fulfilled lives.
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