Being a mother (in India)

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Abstract

ys. Strangers fawned over my little one with glee, touched her cheeks, squeezed her hands, then comment that I should not have taken her out of the house. It felt so good when I went to France and saw so many mothers taking their infants out to the park for a stroll. Going out for a walk is also restful.</p><h2 id="977b">Diapers</h2><p id="5141">One thing I like about India is that cloth diapers, langots are still very much contemporary. All the friends my age in India had cloth diapers as babies. Their mothers also practised elimination communication to save them on the washing and speed up potty training. Having that living memory means most people I know here either cloth diaper fully or at least part time at home. What is perceived as outsider in France is very much in here.</p><p id="7aed" type="7">Every culture has its own ways of caring for babies.</p><h2 id="f047">Sleeping</h2><p id="3abb">Co-sleeping is also very common in India, children often sleep in the family bed so you can do so without any judgment here. In France on the other hand people worry about their baby sleeping all night in his cot without waking them up. Books and articles are published by the thousands pressuring parents to train their babies to quietly stay in their cots from 8pm to 8am as if adults also shut down for 12 hour

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s at a stretch.</p><p id="0087">This practice that used to seem normal to me has been challenged by becoming a parent. A baby does have needs at night. Rather than getting up and going to attend a crying baby in a separate room, co-sleeping allows me to react faster, before the crying gets too loud. Whether she wants milk, a diaper change or a cuddle I respond as in a dream and fall back to sleep. Not all nights are seamless but when people ask if she sleeps the night I say yes.</p><h2 id="9e86">Massage</h2><p id="ace6">Massage is the biggest cultural hang up I came across in India. So much so that in the first few months almost every person stranger or relative would ask if I massaged my baby. My mother in law would proudly share how she massaged her sons three four times a day. Though I’m quite happy to massage my little one I do not feel it a health imperative to do so every day. It’s a fun opportunity to bond with baby. When my mother in law is around I let her massage her grandchild before her bath, the rest of the time I do it when I feel like it.</p><p id="4b70">Moving here I learnt a lot about living in a different culture. Having a baby here has challenged me all the more. Along with my little one I’m learning everyday how to navigate the culture that will be her native one.</p></article></body>

PART ONE : It’s a Cultural thing

Being a mother is not easy. Being a mother in a foreign land is another challenge altogether. Every culture has its own ways of caring for babies. Living here, in India has challenged my perception of caring for a baby. I in turn have challenged people around me in the choices I made to care for mine.

Health and Tradition

Women need to rest post-partum, all they should be doing is taking care of their baby for the first 6 weeks. This normal health imperative is enshrined as a tradition in India, sometimes to the extreme. In some households it means the woman stays in the same room all day with her infant, without going out at all the first 40 days post partum. In fact newborns and infants don’t come out of the house at all it seems for the first 6 months except for a doctor’s appointment. I would have gone crazy doing that. Of course I needed rest and sleep, but fresh air helps you heal and a baby also needs a bit of sunshine within reason. I always got strange looks for taking my baby out in the early days. Strangers fawned over my little one with glee, touched her cheeks, squeezed her hands, then comment that I should not have taken her out of the house. It felt so good when I went to France and saw so many mothers taking their infants out to the park for a stroll. Going out for a walk is also restful.

Diapers

One thing I like about India is that cloth diapers, langots are still very much contemporary. All the friends my age in India had cloth diapers as babies. Their mothers also practised elimination communication to save them on the washing and speed up potty training. Having that living memory means most people I know here either cloth diaper fully or at least part time at home. What is perceived as outsider in France is very much in here.

Every culture has its own ways of caring for babies.

Sleeping

Co-sleeping is also very common in India, children often sleep in the family bed so you can do so without any judgment here. In France on the other hand people worry about their baby sleeping all night in his cot without waking them up. Books and articles are published by the thousands pressuring parents to train their babies to quietly stay in their cots from 8pm to 8am as if adults also shut down for 12 hours at a stretch.

This practice that used to seem normal to me has been challenged by becoming a parent. A baby does have needs at night. Rather than getting up and going to attend a crying baby in a separate room, co-sleeping allows me to react faster, before the crying gets too loud. Whether she wants milk, a diaper change or a cuddle I respond as in a dream and fall back to sleep. Not all nights are seamless but when people ask if she sleeps the night I say yes.

Massage

Massage is the biggest cultural hang up I came across in India. So much so that in the first few months almost every person stranger or relative would ask if I massaged my baby. My mother in law would proudly share how she massaged her sons three four times a day. Though I’m quite happy to massage my little one I do not feel it a health imperative to do so every day. It’s a fun opportunity to bond with baby. When my mother in law is around I let her massage her grandchild before her bath, the rest of the time I do it when I feel like it.

Moving here I learnt a lot about living in a different culture. Having a baby here has challenged me all the more. Along with my little one I’m learning everyday how to navigate the culture that will be her native one.