Being a Mindful Dad, The Greatness of Fatherhood

Education is increasingly a male affair. Finding your role as a parent has its challenges. Dad, tell me!

How does being a parent work?

The role of the father is changing. In the past, in the classic image of the family, he was primarily the breadwinner, but today the role of the father is much more in the play.

“More and more men are taking parental leave, at least for a short period,” estimates the head of statesman. In 2015, 21% of parental allowance recipients were men, and in 2020 we are already at 25%.

The average length of parental leave for women is 14.5 months, while for men it is 3.7 months. Here are the raw numbers.

How are these 3.7 months going? And like every year after that?

In this article, we analyze the role of the active and conscious father (in education). Especially at the beginning, it can be very difficult to find your place in a newly formed family, because the bond with the mother is naturally stronger at the beginning.

To do this, we asked a few questions to Benjamin Wockenfuss, father and author of the slightly different guide “Great Dad”.

Do you have any examples of beautiful dad-son moments to give us?

Benjamin: In the book, I offer small everyday adventures. One of them is walk-in day. I like doing something like this with my children (but individually).

What does that mean? I do not make appointments for an afternoon or a day on the weekend.

All the appointments the boy and I had for the day were canceled and we did nothing. Out of nowhere, wonderful moments often arise, such as walking, painting, or making up stories.

Another good thing: every evening you ask yourself the following question: “What was the most beautiful thing you experienced today?” …When someone can’t think of anything, we cry “It doesn’t exist” and think of something smaller and maybe even smaller, until we look at the smallest miracles together of the day.

The resulting conversations are very enriching, especially because adults have the opportunity to be part of the reality of children’s lives.

How did you find your role as a parent at first?

Benjamin: I always wanted to have children, so when I was able to meet my current wife, it quickly became obvious to me. With our first child, she carried me for the first months of my life.

I am always very grateful to him. I wanted to do EVERYTHING correctly and not break anything. In this whirlwind, it sometimes caused a lot of inconvenience and stress to our little family.

After two and three years, I was better at Daddy Flow. It was important to me to be relevant in my children’s lives. I wanted to be there, to be part of it.

In all of this, my wife is also great, because she gives me the space to play a role in the first place. My wife and I sometimes approach different topics differently. I think this is completely normal, maybe even healthy.

Accepting and supporting this difference cannot be taken for granted.

Especially in the first year, the mother usually maintains a closer bond with the child for completely natural reasons and spends more time with the child. How did you resolve this?

Benjamin: With the first child, it was quite unusual at first. Not so much that my “stage” was decreasing, but that I couldn’t do anything for the child in the first place.

In the first few months, you are more likely to handle parenting. The best way to be there for the child is to relieve the mother. Over time you have the opportunity to create, which is wonderful.

With children 2 and 3 it was the opposite, as my wife was more involved during the birth and the new baby, I had the opportunity to enter into a completely new and much closer relationship with older children.

What advice would you give to a new father?

Benjamin: Do not listen to any guide. You are the best dad for your son who is here. Collect information, but also irritating things, mix everything well, and take what makes you feel good.

Don’t try to be perfect. Listen to your feelings. Always.

Family is never static

We also asked 7Mind dads how they found their roles. As Benjamin’s responses make clear, there is no plan for the perfect functioning of the family. It is important to stay in touch as a team.

It is a process that can be found. “Mommy preference” moments hurt for a short time, according to one of our 7Mind dads, and are forgotten the next day when you sit around the campfire with your child.

In the beginning, when we fail to “satisfy” the child as a parent, other tasks arise that are very important in the family structure:

Relieve your partner, ensure their happiness, and let them sleep
Lots of cooking and cleaning
Involve
Sometimes she “takes the child away” from the partner for a longer period so that he or she has peace. Although this is probably the point that requires the most practice and courage.

conclusion

the evolving role of fathers in parenting is evident in the increasing participation in parental leave. The journey to finding one’s place as an active and conscious father can be challenging but rewarding.

Benjamin Wockenfuss, author of “Great Dad,” emphasizes the importance of embracing imperfections, creating unique father-son moments, and navigating the dynamic nature of family life as a team.