Personal Essay

Being a Girl Means You Can’t Do Things

What would I be if I wasn’t a writer? Archeology, engineering, and being female from the perspective of Asian society.

Firstly, I wouldn’t call myself a writer. The more accurate description would probably be a nutcase who writes sarcasm like Shakespeare writes tragedies.

I am just one of the many who wishes for a life that’s unlike their present. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you weren’t, well, you?

To conform to the norms of society, we’ve all been in situations where we were forced to sacrifice our identities, needs, and wants to satisfy others.

I’m a Girl, So I Can’t be an Archeologist?

Growing up, I was fascinated with dinosaurs; I would read encyclopedias from front to back, and from back to front, over and over, imprinting in my mind illustrations of these majestic beasts that couldn’t have possibly stood where I was standing millions and millions of years ago, but did.

This interest, unusual for a little Asian girl who was expected to be wrapped up in pink dresses and playing with Barbies instead of digging in the dirt, eventually led to the desire of being an archeologist. I excelled in the sciences, mathematics, and I loved my ancient histories, so hey, why not?

“But you’re a girl, why would you want to be in the sun digging around for useless rocks?”

The one person that I thought would support me in my interest shot it down, and I saw my dream crash like a meteorite. This was coming from the person who bought me all those encyclopedias and VHS documentaries.

I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t able to just because I was a girl. Granted, I was a kid back then, and whatever an adult says is always right.

I’m a Girl, So I Can’t be an Engineer?

So, like a “good little girl”, I went on to study mechanical engineering as it was one of those Asian-approved jobs.

Apparently.

And when I told people I was in engineering, I would always be on the receiving end of perplexed looks as though they couldn’t believe it. They would say things that clearly implied that they thought girls weren’t suited to the field.

“Why didn’t you take medicine or accounting? What about business? Dentistry?”

Because I was afraid of being seen as an absolute nutter, I tried my best to refrain from saying anything that could resemble heresy, such as: “Oh, actually, I wanted to be a geologist or an archeologist. You know, those people who go around digging crap up and hope to the heavens that it’s a fossil of a new genus of sauropods.”

Never Give Up on What Makes You, You

I’m not putting the blame on anyone here.

Actually, I am.

I’m putting the blame on myself for not knowing any better. I blame myself for not continuing my interests in spite of the objections. I blame myself for flushing my own dreams down the toilet and continuing on a path that was carved out for me by someone else.

I allowed someone else’s dreams to take the place of my own.

If you’re at that point in your life where you’re wondering what you should be pursuing, the first and foremost thing that you have to do is not allow someone else to tell you what you should be doing.

Only you know what you should be doing.

Don’t let someone else tell you that you can’t do something, especially when their logic is based on your gender.

Or race, or culture, or religion, or anything else that makes up your identity. You can do anything while flying your identity high like a rising flag at dawn.

I allowed that to happen to me, and now I’m paying the price.

The only thing that is truly part of my identity that I’ve held on to all these years is my writing. I’ve only discovered my creativity again after years and years of burying it under piles of technical assignments that I don’t care for.

I buried it for fear of embarrassment, of being proud of something that isn’t good enough in the eyes of others.

On Being “Good Enough”

Truth is, you’ll never be good enough for the vast majority of people. You’ll always be too stupid, too dumb, too ignorant, too loud, too skinny, too fat, too everything.

What matters is if you’re good enough for you.

In the words of Maya Angelou, which I find simultaneously humorous and profound:

“I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.”

This is for the ones whose bodies are caged behind walls of stone and whose souls wander in fields of starlight.

This is for the ones who are paralyzed by fear of the unknown.

You’re not alone. Everyone starts out afraid, but they’ve gone on to achieve great things despite their fear.

If you’re like me, and you wish that your life is unlike your present, why not take a little step to change that?