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2065

Abstract

an even lead them to react defensively or hurtfully, leading to further triggering each other.</p><p id="e2dc">For example, some people might strongly desire a nurturing, caring partner, but they might often end up with someone who seem cold and uncaring. Chances are, the other person has wounds that made them less emotionally available or affectionate in certain ways, but they are not aware of them.</p><p id="a2e7">A reason why certain problems in relationships are so hard to solve is because we often have complementary wounds. If it was one sided, usually the person who isn’t wounded would be able to respond in a healthier manner instead of reacting negatively as well, which adds fuel to the ignited fire.</p><h2 id="44ad">Why we ignore initial red flags</h2><p id="9386">At the beginning of the relationship, we might notice a certain red flag and still ignore it. We do that because deep inside we don’t have firm boundaries against it, because our wounds seeks that trait behind the red flag so that it can be brought out and healed.</p><p id="d590">Certain unhealthy patterns and red flags are like blindspots, because we were programmed to perceive them as normal and familiar. For example, if we’ve grown up in a cold family environment where harsh words were often exchanged, without knowing what loving family environments actually look like, then we’ve learned to perceive a certain degree of coldness and harshness as normal and don’t have firm boundaries against them whenever we encounter them in relationships.</p><h2 id="81b7">Breaking the patterns and upgrading our relationships</h2><p id="8479">Many self-help books or programs focus on the importance of communication. However, to truly break free from the same cycles of pain, we need to be open to do the inner work. If we don’t work on the wounds and patterns within us, we will keep repeating the same hurtful situations with the same person in different bodies. We will end up falling in love with our wounds counterpart, over and over again.</p><p id="8e23">The more open to growt

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h and inner work we become, the more we also attract someone on equal level of openness which makes it more possible to work on both side’s wounds and to the grow the relationship together.</p><p id="d4b6">The other person can only meet us as deep as we meet ourselves. And we can only go as deep as we are willing to.</p><h2 id="ac1f">Healing together or healing apart, the make or break of a relationship</h2><p id="cc08">As our initial attraction intensity might be based on our wound complementariness, when these wounds heal, what builds the bond will be how we can overcome and heal in togetherness. We then develop an intimacy and bond which grows stronger over time.</p><p id="4c95">If after some time, we can’t solve and heal together, even if the wounds dynamics still keeps us together, mismatch might progressively occur. The person who gets triggered might be too hurt by the partner’s perceived insensitivity or inability to give them what they need; while the other person can’t see the blindspot on their side and is tired of the same issues.</p><p id="db3e">Either of them might choose to walk away, just to potentially be attracted to another similar counterpart in the future like puzzle pieces.</p><p id="533b">Or one of them might heal and the other doesn’t, which then creates a progressive mismatch that leads to gradual loss of attraction.</p><p id="0fb8">Healing together is hard. It forces us to look deeper into each of ourselves, and to face our own wounds. But if we are open and willing to do it, healing together can be a beautiful journey in which both commits to the cocreation of a mutually safe space of love, care and acceptance, that whenever wounds surfaces, each of us can feel safe to bring the wounds up and do the inner work.</p><p id="476c">Healing together means while each of us do the inner work alone, we are not alone in this. And by each kindness and compassion, and by each wound supported and healed, a deeper bond and intimacy blossoms between two souls that makes their relationship stronger.</p></article></body>

Behind Strong Attractions — The Magnetic Pull Between Us And Our Wound Counterparts

Suddenly, you’ve found that person. The one with whom things just clicked. Everything seemed to flow so naturally. This time, you might have found the one.

Things are different now. With this person, you just get each other effortlessly. Where have this person been all these years?

But then things changed. Suddenly, you can’t seem to quite get each other anymore. It starts to trigger. It hurts. What happened?

You try to talk about it. Express how you feel. Hope for an understanding. But your partner responds in a way that hurts even more.

What felt like bliss suddenly seems hard to deal with. And yet, you can’t help but still be hopelessly in love with your partner. No matter what, it seems that you’re magnetically pulled towards each other.

Attraction towards our counterparts

We often feel attracted towards people not only because we share a certain level of similarity and compatibility, but also because we share compatible sets of inner wounds and their manifestations.

Subconsciously, we attract situations in which our inner wounds can be brought out and healed. And the more compatible certain situations are with these wounds, the more the attraction is.

This is also why the one we love is often the person who is mostly unable to give us what we desire the most, potentially triggering our major wounds the most.

Usually, if we have a wound triggered by our partners, the wound can be healed or averted if our partners responds in a healthy manner. However, our partners often can’t give us what we need because they also have wounds themselves that actually makes them unable to do so. And these wounds can even lead them to react defensively or hurtfully, leading to further triggering each other.

For example, some people might strongly desire a nurturing, caring partner, but they might often end up with someone who seem cold and uncaring. Chances are, the other person has wounds that made them less emotionally available or affectionate in certain ways, but they are not aware of them.

A reason why certain problems in relationships are so hard to solve is because we often have complementary wounds. If it was one sided, usually the person who isn’t wounded would be able to respond in a healthier manner instead of reacting negatively as well, which adds fuel to the ignited fire.

Why we ignore initial red flags

At the beginning of the relationship, we might notice a certain red flag and still ignore it. We do that because deep inside we don’t have firm boundaries against it, because our wounds seeks that trait behind the red flag so that it can be brought out and healed.

Certain unhealthy patterns and red flags are like blindspots, because we were programmed to perceive them as normal and familiar. For example, if we’ve grown up in a cold family environment where harsh words were often exchanged, without knowing what loving family environments actually look like, then we’ve learned to perceive a certain degree of coldness and harshness as normal and don’t have firm boundaries against them whenever we encounter them in relationships.

Breaking the patterns and upgrading our relationships

Many self-help books or programs focus on the importance of communication. However, to truly break free from the same cycles of pain, we need to be open to do the inner work. If we don’t work on the wounds and patterns within us, we will keep repeating the same hurtful situations with the same person in different bodies. We will end up falling in love with our wounds counterpart, over and over again.

The more open to growth and inner work we become, the more we also attract someone on equal level of openness which makes it more possible to work on both side’s wounds and to the grow the relationship together.

The other person can only meet us as deep as we meet ourselves. And we can only go as deep as we are willing to.

Healing together or healing apart, the make or break of a relationship

As our initial attraction intensity might be based on our wound complementariness, when these wounds heal, what builds the bond will be how we can overcome and heal in togetherness. We then develop an intimacy and bond which grows stronger over time.

If after some time, we can’t solve and heal together, even if the wounds dynamics still keeps us together, mismatch might progressively occur. The person who gets triggered might be too hurt by the partner’s perceived insensitivity or inability to give them what they need; while the other person can’t see the blindspot on their side and is tired of the same issues.

Either of them might choose to walk away, just to potentially be attracted to another similar counterpart in the future like puzzle pieces.

Or one of them might heal and the other doesn’t, which then creates a progressive mismatch that leads to gradual loss of attraction.

Healing together is hard. It forces us to look deeper into each of ourselves, and to face our own wounds. But if we are open and willing to do it, healing together can be a beautiful journey in which both commits to the cocreation of a mutually safe space of love, care and acceptance, that whenever wounds surfaces, each of us can feel safe to bring the wounds up and do the inner work.

Healing together means while each of us do the inner work alone, we are not alone in this. And by each kindness and compassion, and by each wound supported and healed, a deeper bond and intimacy blossoms between two souls that makes their relationship stronger.