Before You Boil An Alligator Don’t Forget About This

When I first decided to boil an alligator I thought it would be just like any animal.

Except I had to get it myself.

That’s how I ended up in the Florida Everglades.

Now I’m standing on a dock overlooking a swam and wetland area that extends for miles. No sign of civilized life. Just raw, pure, beautiful, nature.

Once the airboat captain was ready he headed down the dock towards me.

Dan is tall and thin, but strong. His big chest and wide shoulders and the grit of an outdoorsman. He looks like he spent his life on this swamp, and maybe even wrestled a gator or two.

I followed his lead onto the airboat at the end of the dock. There were five seats, two up front three in the back. I sat up front although I felt the back would be safer.

There was no way I was telling Dan I was too scared to sit upfront.

The engine began to sputter and then the biggest most powerful fan I have ever seen launched us from the dock.

I was blown back against the seat, surprised by the power of the fan. The boat skimmed and skipped across the marshy landscape.

Birds flew up occasionally, turtles on rocks sunning themselves, but no alligators.

Suddenly there it was.

Two hundred feet ahead was an eight-foot alligator that had to weigh at least three hundred pounds.

It was beautiful and terrifying.

How are we going to get that thing back to my house? How are we going to kill it?

I hadn’t thought about these things, I was relying on captain Dan for that.

Luckily he seemed like he knew just what to do. He killed the engine and stirred us in a direction that would give the best vantage point.

As we crept up from the side Dan stood up and raised his rifle.

Is he going to shoot it I wondered?

I guess that would be the easiest way to do it. I sat there silently and watched as Dan took aim and shot.

It was a good shot straight through the head.

At first, I thought he missed, but he hit it so cleanly the gator died instantly. He’s clearly done this before.

We pulled up next to the prehistoric beast and assessed our work, or, Dan’s work.

He was definitely dead.

Dan instructed me what to do and with our teamwork, we were able to load this monster onto the boat.

The trip back was euphoric.

I kept looking back at the gator we had hunted, partly out of pride but also to make sure he was dead.

We soon arrived at the dock and the real work began. This thing was huge and heavy, it was going to take some work to get it into my car.

Dan was there to assist again.

He had a whole gator processing station.

The two of us dragged the giant lizard across the lawn towards the station.

Once it was close enough Dan pulled down a rope and tied it around the gator’s tail.

After securing it in its place he began to hoist the mammoth towards the sky by its tail.

Once it was the right height Dan grabbed the knife. The blade of the knife was ten inches and had a sharp point for gutting the gator.

Dan lined up the stomach, plunged the knife into the belly near the tail, and began to cut. I watched as long as I could, once the intestines started to plop out I had to turn away.

Dan went through his whole processing procedure remarkably quickly, reducing much of the excess weight.

Now that it was fully processed I took what remain of the once fearsome gator and loaded it into the back of my car.

It wasn’t easy but Dan was there for me again, he tried feverishly to shove it in the back repeatedly.

Slamming it against every part of the car’s interior.

Despite both of our best efforts, we weren’t able to get the whole thing in the back seat.

I was forced to drive down the street with a fat alligator tail hanging out the window.

When I got home I ask my neighbor for help bringing something in from my car. My neighbor is a nice guy so he agreed.

I’m not sure what he expected to see, but from the look on his face, it wasn’t an alligator.

He seemed hesitant and questioned where I got it.

I told him about my afternoon with Dan and assured him everything is ok.

I promised him some alligator once I cooked it in exchange for his help.

He wasn’t interested.

But being the nice guy he is reluctantly agreed to help me anyway. The two of us labored our way towards my apartment and into the kitchen.

Finally plopping this lifeless swam king on my table.

Finally, it was all done.

I was exhausted.

And now I have to cook this reptile.

Here is another story I wrote if you want to read more