Before It’s Too Late

Your gentle reminder to say what you want to the people that matter

How many times have you thought about having that conversation?

Sometimes bridges are burnt and we stop talking to people (parents, siblings, best friends, etc) but are you going to be at peace if they were no longer here?

In 2015, I was in college at Penn State University and lived with 3 of my best friends in a house. It was AWESOME! We were an absolute menace to our landlord but she saw it coming…we were college dudes. We partied till the AM and completed our homework right after.. Work hard, play harder, you know! One night, one of the guys, let’s call him “Finn”, he wakes me up in the middle of the night and says “my mom is here, I’m gonna be heading out for a bit” I was most likely drunk so didn’t think too much about it. The next day, we’re all wondering what happened.

I have cancer

A few days later, he lets us know “ I have cancer”, he immediately said it wasn’t serious which made us feel better. And thus began his cancer journey. This was a punch to our gut. The 3 of us knew it easily could’ve been one of us as our lifestyle was essentially the same (minus hereditary traits).

A few months later…he was in remission. Wonderful! He’s coming back to college the following semester and we’re gonna have one reunion before we graduate. Finn invited me to come for his birthday but it was a busy semester for me and since he was returning to college the next semester, “Dude, I’ll just see you here next semester” is what I told him.

How I wish this story had a happy ending but it’s more like the movie “sitting in bars with cake”.

A month after his birthday, I was in NYC with a mutual friend of Finn’s and we were living it up. When we get to the hotel, we get a call, saying Finn is no more. It was difficult to comprehend what we just heard — One because we were on all types of substances and two because, we thought he was in remission. I find out the cancer came back with full force a few months before.

Turns out I did end up going to meet him, not on his birthday but on his funeral.

Not going to his birthday will be one of the things I will forever regret and it’s something I have to accept and live with.

Not getting a chance to let him know how much he meant to me and give him a proper goodbye haunts me to this day.

I had a dream about my dad yesterday.

It’s more of a nightmare than a dream and wasn’t willing to accept it but when I woke up, I was so happy it was just a dream and I was also reminded that there’s things I want to talk to him about and I’ve been waiting for the “right” time. While there are good and bad times to bring something up, we never truly know what tomorrow brings and if we’ll get the chance again.

I was on a run this morning and as I was crossing the street (the light was red and the cross walk light was on), a Canada Post van zooms past the red light. I was 2 seconds away from being hit.

What conversations are you holding on to? Are you holding on to reaching out to that person? How would you feel if they were no longer here?

It may be time to reach out to them, let them know how you feel because who knows…if you’ll ever get the chance again.

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