Summary

The author grapples with the challenges of seeking validation on Medium, struggling with self-doubt, and balancing authenticity with the desire for popularity.

Abstract

Sean Smith, the author, shares his experiences with social validation dependency on Medium, detailing his journey from initial excitement about the platform to an obsession with popularity and validation. Despite his efforts to adapt his writing to the platform's trends and audience preferences, he encounters self-doubt and frustration when his content doesn't perform as expected. He reflects on the toxic cycle of comparison with other writers and the impact of his brother's recent amputation on his perspective. The author concludes by recognizing the importance of staying true to his voice and finding contentment, emphasizing the need to conquer self-defeating impulses while continuing to write.

Opinions

The author admits to a pattern of addictive behaviors, shifting from Instagram to Medium, indicating a dependency on social validation.
He expresses concern over his "insatiable desire for affirmation" and its ability to morph into different obsessions.
He reveals a struggle with imposter syndrome, questioning his writing and marketing abilities when his articles are not well-received.
Despite initial rejection, he remains determined to succeed on Medium, studying successful writers and strategies to improve his chances.
He criticizes the "compare and despair" cycle that arises from measuring his success against others, particularly those who boast about their follower counts.
The author values authenticity, refusing to compromise his ideas or write about topics that don't resonate with him personally.
He acknowledges the fleeting nature of online validation and the importance of maintaining a healthy perspective on what constitutes success.
He advocates for writing as a personal endeavor, separate from the pursuit of curation and viral success, while also recognizing the allure of seeking external approval.
He questions the effectiveness of productivity tools like the Pomodoro Technique, suggesting that they can contribute to negative self-assessment rather than enhance productivity.
The author concludes with a resolve to keep writing, despite the challenges, and invites readers to share their

Becoming the Shit on Medium

My Toxic Trifecta of Social Validation Dependency

Do you ever feel like the only writer on Medium that isn’t absolutely killing it?

If so, we should talk.

I hate to admit it, but this week I really let it get to me. I spent way too much time obsessing about my productivity, checking my stats, and craving the approval of strangers.

Fortunately, it didn’t take too long to remember that all of my addictive behaviors are like a game of Whac-a-Mole. I get one under control, and another pops up.

I just recently got over my Instagram addiction; now I’m obsessed with Medium.

A big part of the problem is that almost all of my time is spent online these days. I don’t go out much. I don’t see my friends much. My life has become almost entirely virtual. Likewise, so have my addictions.

I suspect I’m not alone.

What really concerns me more than my newfound obsession with being popular on Medium is the endless ability of my insatiable desire for affirmation to keep shapeshifting.

It’s as if my lifelong need for attention has put on some blue eyeshadow and a wig and opened a Medium account.

I can imagine her tossing her head and asking, How you like me now?

It Started Innocently Enough

When I began writing for Medium a few months ago, I thought, This is great. I can repost some of my articles about digital marketing and maybe drive some clients to my new consulting business. It seemed logical enough.

Arrogantly, I thought Medium readers would eat up my astute marketing insights. Not so.

On the contrary, the marketing articles I considered some of my best thought pieces were flatly rejected by Better Marketing and other top publications. Not only that, even the marketing articles I’ve published myself have been largely ignored.

It seemed like the things I find interesting, others do not. Ouch.

Then Came the Avalanche of Self-Doubt

A chorus of critical voices started chiming in my head:

Maybe I’m not a good writer?
Maybe I’m no good at marketing?
Maybe I’m too old and out of touch?

And finally, the one that hit my personal third rail:

Maybe I’m not so smart after all?

Not one to back down from a fight, even with myself, I responded in my best Lisa Simpson voice, Oh yeah? Game on!

After that, I started learning everything I could about Medium. I read tons of how-to articles, followed publication guidelines, and studied the top online writers. Not only did I publish more, but I also clapped, left comments, signed up for newsletters, and downloaded courses.

11 Reasons Why I [Heart Emoji] Tim Denning

How And Why He ROCKS Medium

medium.com

The Compare and Despair Phase

They say that comparison is the archenemy of contentment.

In my case, that was definitely true. Over and over, I fell for the clickbait and all the humblebraggers that said, Hey, if a schmuck like me can get 10k+ followers, so can you.

Yeah, why not me?

So far, that has not been the case. Likewise, none of my articles have gone viral. And not for lack of trying.

Much to my frustration, for the last couple of months, I’ve poured my little heart out on everything from my family to my best marketing advice. I’ve written articles that range from scholarly to clever, some even borderline clickbait. I’ve also tried adding more pictures, backlinks, and brainy quotes. For one article, I also made an infographic on Canva.

No dice.

Now I write shorter paragraphs.

I also heard that if you can shoehorn Warren Buffet into your headline, it will go viral and make $4612.72 overnight.

I wonder what headline optimizers would say about this one:

Ross from Friends vs. Warren Buffet: A Steel Cage Match

My money is on the old guy. (BTW, Coschedule only gave the title a 51/100).

My Toxic Trifecta

Last week, I wrote about my favorite brother having his leg amputated and its impact on our family. It literally doesn’t get more authentic than that.

My Brother’s Keeper

What I did yesterday while my brother had his leg amputated

v2b-iconoclast.medium.com

For the next 48 hours, I received some of the most beautiful messages, and all I could do was keep checking my stats and praying that Medium would curate it. They did not.

Instead of celebrating the fact that my brother’s story touched hundreds of people, all I could think was, Exactly who do I have to fuck around here to get curated?

I am a horrible person. I know.

That’s when I thought, What the hell am I doing?

I realized every day some 40k other writers are pouring their hearts out on Medium. How many of them are curated? Even the top writers and editors can’t predict what will go viral and what will flop.

They all give the same advice, keep writing.

Original Photo, PowerPoint Slide, and PhotoShop Image by GoV2b.com

Here’s the Money Shot

As I dug a little deeper into what’s going on with me, I realized three more important things:

Number 1

As much as I want to be one of the cool kids on Medium, I can’t write about things I don’t care about.

And, I’m not willing to dumb down my ideas to pander to short attention spans.

Don’t worry; I’ll find my 1k tribe eventually.

Number 2

I’m not a content machine.

Productivity is important, but not when it becomes another way to feel shitty about myself.

I certainly don’t need a Pomodoro timer to help me with that.

And, Number 3

I cannot ask more from any part of my life than it can render.

Whenever I do, I’m always disappointed.

In other words, there’s nothing wrong with wanting validation online. Unless it starts to take the place of your self-esteem and robs you of your serenity.

I’ve had to learn this last lesson repeatedly. I suspect I will again. In the meantime, I will keep writing.

If you can relate, please leave a comment here.

Share what you’ve done to conquer your self-defeating impulses.

Sean Smith is a proud dad and digital marketer who tends to write about thought leadership, coffee, Italy, life, digital content, LGBT stuff, and the ROI of being nice.