WOMEN | LIFE | ART
Becoming The Queen We Want to Be
And how best to rule our kingdom
By the time we reach mid-life as a woman, we have lost a lot of our innocence. Made mistakes. Learned hard lessons. Those younger dreams of Prince Charming may have come and gone. The Prince may have turned out to be nothing more than a toad. So, by middle age we’ve created some form of our kingdom from there we rule.
The Queen archetype is also known as The Ruler.
And I created 6-foot images of the 12 archetypes to help find ourselves and transform our world in the book Awakening the Heroes Within by Carol S. Pearson.
Archetypes take many different forms. From heroes to villains. Archetypes help us to express who we are.
By mid-life hopefully, we’re confident and sure of ourselves, with a firm foundation upon which to stand. We take full responsibility for our life to help maintain the balance between our inner and outer worlds.
The Queen may also be connected to a powerful man/king. The two of them may align together in partnership. Committed and loyal to each other. Guided by a greater purpose and connected to Spirit. For power does not mean domination. Control or abuse.
Both King and Queen can be assertive and rule with compassion. Setting an example for others to live their best lives.
I used to make King & Queen fabric brooches to sell. They are like miniature stuffed pillows.
Most of us take the Hero’s journey at some point in our life.
My journey started in my twenties as a shy, insecure young woman. I was a high school dropout, married with children, and longing to fulfill my dream of being an artist.
Through that journey, I faced my fears. Despite my lack of education, I set out to show and sell my art. Fulfilling my childhood dream of being an artist. I went to Al-Anon and a Children of Alcoholics support group. I read books about addiction and codependency. Sought therapy to help in how better to deal with my alcoholic husband. I learned to step outside my comfort zone by meeting new people and taking steps to better myself and my family. I learned the hard lesson that I could only change myself. But by doing so it could inspire others to make changes too.
Through the years, I was able to transform myself into a confident woman, sure about my place in the world.
I learned to better communicate and take responsibility for my actions.
Along my journey, I became assertive and let go of the aggressive angry power I’d learned growing up.
I started out working on improving my emotional self.
Though I didn’t know it at the time, I was developing my inner Queen.
Acting from my heart. No longer reacting, but choosing with intention and purpose. Choosing how I wanted to live my life.
Part of that meant examining my core truths. My thoughts. Opinions. Questioning all I’d been taught to believe in growing up. Deciding for myself what I wanted and what I didn’t want.
I built on my strengths. Learned what I was really good at. Stopped comparing myself to others. Learned I could see myself as strong, powerful, and capable.
Looked at what I kept repeating that I didn’t want to keep repeating. Stopped wanting someone else to save me. Gave up my old pattern of turning to another man when I felt the one I was with didn’t love me enough. I stopped seeing my husband’s drinking as something he was deliberately doing to hurt me.
I began to change the stories that ran through my mind. Changing my story to change my life.
I learned jealousy only drains your power and weakens you.
My life didn’t improve by feeling envious of others. Especially of women who I thought were in a great marriage. Thinking others had it made only kept me stuck in the same old rut, feeling sorry for myself. It did nothing to change my life or make me feel any better.
Jealousy turns you into an evil queen like in the Snow White fairy tale.
The Ruler/Queen creates a peaceful and harmonious kingdom by becoming peaceful and harmonious inside. For inner and outer worlds mirror one another.
Self-care is important. If you find yourself in a tangle. Your life is a mess, and it all seems overwhelming. Just deal with one thread at a time. One step at a time. That’s how change happens.
When the ruler is active in our lives, we are integrated. Whole. Ready to take responsibility for our lives.
If our kingdoms are bare, it reflects some barrenness within ourselves.
If our kingdoms are always being attacked and overrun. Our Warrior is not protecting the boundaries and the Queen needs to call forth more troops.
If our kingdoms are harsh and unfriendly. Our Caretaker is not functioning at a high enough level. The Queen needs to attend to this.
When our kingdoms are flourishing, it’s a sign of inner wholeness.
Of course, there can be the dark side of the Ruler/Queen. Unloving. Controlling. Cold. Lonely. Angry. Judgmental. Vengeful.
Anytime we feel a compelling need to control ourselves or others and an inability to trust the process, the shadow queen has us in its grip.
Shadow rulers are tyrants. They operate from a fear-based scarcity mentality. They are selfish. Narrowminded. Unimaginative. Prone to self-indulgence.
The shadow Ruler emerges in our lives when we compensate by being controlling and manipulative for the lack of power within.
Rulers need to know their own shadow selves and take responsibility for them.
This does not mean that we are to blame for what happens to us. It simply means that we are sovereignty and responsible for taking appropriate actions in every situation we face. quote from: Awakening the Heroes Within by Carol S. Pearson.
Rulers must be conscious of the impact their actions have on others and on the future.
The Ruler does not so much create life as maintain and govern it.
A Wise Ruler will always engage the Magician in this task. No good ruler rules without a plan.
Trust synchronicity when The Ruler is dominant in your life.
Since our kingdoms really do mirror us, we do not have to make happen every bit of change we want. Often when we hold the vision and began to act on it, other pieces simply begin to fall into place.
The Queen archetype helps us to see that spending our time blaming others for our problems takes away our own dignity. We find more dignity in confronting and doing something about our own disabilities, dysfunctions, and blind spots than we ever do by denying them.
We accept our limitations. Accept our gifts. We don’t waste energy bemoaning what we wish we were or wish we had.
We make the best with what we have. Often that is our attitude. Our way of thinking.
As The Warrior needs to learn to fight for what really matters (not just to win), and the Caregiver to sacrifice only for what is essential (not just to be “good”),
The Ruler needs to learn to use his or her power not just to achieve fame and fortune, but to create a bountiful kingdom for all of us. quote from: Awakening the Heroes Within by Carol S. Pearson.
Always remember kindness.
Keep in mind the danger of becoming rigid and locked in old ways that can harm the kingdom.
Hell is living your fears. Heaven is living your dreams.
The author of the book suggests that It’s a good idea to complement the Ruler with other archetypal figures to provide a balance such as The Magician, The Sage, and The Fool.
The Ruler/Queen was part of my art show “CONNECTIONS” at The Marigold Cultural Centre, Truro, Nova Scotia September 4 to 29, 2019.
The archetypes I created are images based on the 12 archetypes from the book Awakening the Heroes Within by Carol S. Pearson and each archetype was paired with a month of the year.
I chose the month of June because it is named after Juno, the wife of Jupiter and queen of the gods. Juno was the patroness of childbirth and marriage, which is fitting for what has long been the most popular month for weddings.
The Queen archetype has wisdom for all women in how to stand strong and proud. To learn from all we’ve withstood and mastered. To be unafraid to live out our dreams and be our best selves.
Barbara Carter Artist and writer with a focus on healing from childhood trauma, alcohol addiction, and living her best authentic life.
Likes to take walks, read, watch TV dramas, and practice Qi-gong, and work on her memoir series BARBARA By The BAY.
