January 31 Day Challenge | Day 10

Becoming My Own Greatest Accomplishment

Pushed, pulled, and prodded; one step at a time.

After a teenage pregnancy and a few failed relationships, I realized that the problem might be me. I was settling.

Adding to life’s challenges was my daughter’s addiction to alcohol and drugs. I was at wit’s end when a friend recommended her therapist.

I didn’t expect much

I’d been to several therapists over the years in an attempt to fix our broken lives. There were So. Many. Arguments. and everything was difficult.

The beginning was fairly inauspicious. We met with Marion together and she identified areas for improvement using a tough-love approach. My lack of parenting confidence had resulted in zero consistency, and Marion worked with me to stay on track.

I started individual sessions

The work was arduous. She pushed and prodded and pulled me through every challenge. I couldn’t stop the work even though I wanted to. Going through intense emotions, guilt, and shame is hard work, but I couldn’t quit.

Maybe it’s similar to addiction treatment and relapse. Before treatment, you weren’t convinced you had a problem, but once you’ve gone through it, and relapsed, you know it’s a problem with one solution: going forward.

Thank God for therapy! But life had a few twists left.

I met my husband a few years later.

He was one of the good guys, kind, loving, funny, and smart, and we became best friends. We loved hanging out, going for long drives, and talking about everything! Jim left me a sweet note every morning and for the first time, life was wonderful.

He dropped dead in front of me two months after our 12th anniversary.

When I returned home from the ER the next morning, a disembodied voice told me,

“Just because your life is going to be different doesn’t mean it’s going to be bad.”

The next year was unbelievably bad. I put one foot in front of the other and somehow got to the next year. I was intensely lonely. I had never lived alone. I went from my parents to being a parent; this was a first.

Before I’d met Jim my plan was to get a job in Chicago when my kids were grown. I’d always wanted to work in the city. But my profession had moved past my skillset, so that wouldn’t work. I visited my son in Kansas City, and on the drive home, I thought, “Kansas City is a city!”

The Real Growth

Three years after Jim died, I moved to KC after having lived in the Chicago Metro my entire life! The only person I knew was my son and he wasn’t interested in being my entire social life. Wing stretching time!

Twenty years after Jim’s death, I love my life! I wouldn’t have believed it possible! I live in a lovely little place right in the heart of KC. It’s within walking distance to restaurants, grocery stores, and a couple of neighborhood bars.

I am an easy-going, happy, lifelong learner, and health coach. I create artwork, love working for my son, and enjoy writing about life.

This feels like the greatest accomplishment!

Would you like to read more of my Challenge articles? They can be found here:

And some of my favorite articles that have been published in other publications are here:

And, kudos to the other challengers! They’ve stayed with it ten days straight, and counting. They are: Bernie Pullen, Katie Michaelson, Brett Jenae Tomlin, Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles, Adrienne Beaumont, Autistic Widower ("AJ"), The Sturg, Robert G. Longpré - [he/him] - Canadian métis, Karen Schwartz, and our fearless, prompt-writing, creative, Keeley Schroder