Become Highly Attractive With These NON-Physical Traits

What makes someone truly beautiful?

Let’s begin with the obvious: Physical attraction matters. That being said, everyone is attracted to something different, so there is no “right way” to look. What’s most important is being healthy, and happy with yourself. That’s what’s truly attractive — and those things are unrelated to your appearance.

A quick look around at society would tell you otherwise, though. We’re fed images of beauty every single day. Advertisements of beautiful people, influencers with perfectly chiseled abs and jaw lines (at least, after editing…), commercials with beautiful people, beautiful people around us in the world…

Studies even show that attractive people are more successful in life (seriously, it’s called the Beauty Premium).

Beauty, though, doesn’t maintain a relationship. It doesn’t make someone a good partner, or even a good person.

It doesn’t care for you when you’re sick. It doesn’t stand by you through your hardest times. It doesn’t make you feel safe or secure at night. And, it certainly doesn’t grow into old age with you.

When it comes to building intimate relationships, friendships, or living a happy and fulfilling life — the influence that one’s physical appearance has fades over time.

Let’s, then, talk about the non-physical traits that make someone truly attractive. The ones that emerge the more that people get to know you. The ones that, unlike appearance, you can choose.

1: Kindness.

Someone who is kind to themselves, and someone who is kind to you.

Kindness is the warmth that we feel radiating from someone’s heart. It’s the smile across the room, the compliments that make you feel good, the hand in yours as you sit together.

Kindness spreads beyond our relationships into every area of life. Someone who is kind will treat others with the same level of respect. The bartender, the valet, the tailor, their coworkers, family, and friends.

There is no amount of beauty that can take the place of kindness. Eventually, the abrasive attitude and lack of consideration for others will make even the most beautiful person lose their luster.

2: Confidence.

Confidence has a plethora of benefits in a relationship that reach far beyond physical appearance. Confidence is a sign that someone is secure in themselves, and therefore won’t be needy or dependent.

Confidence has the security to elevate others, which means your partner will love to see you shine and be your biggest cheerleader.

Confidence empowers someone to live their own life and pursue their own passions, so you can see them as a true teammate and equal along the journey.

Confidence, no matter what someone looks like, draws others to them like a beacon.

Confidence is not arrogance. Arrogance is loud and demands attention. Confidence is steadfast and certain — it is calm and sure of itself. It has nothing to prove and therefore doesn’t compromise its values or standards in order to gain validation from others.

3: Being intellectually challenging.

Those who know what they’re looking for in a relationship have enough experience to understand that appearance only serves as a starting point.

Yes, attraction is undoubtedly what sparks our interest in someone. You can’t, after all, spot a personality from across the room. Many a fling was built on physical attraction alone, but how long can it last?

Real connection is built through communication, conversation, shared interests and values…a deeper dive into someone’s existence that simply cannot be uncovered without the ability to explore one’s self.

Lack of curiosity or depth stifles one’s ability to have meaningful conversations that keep someone’s interest longer than just a few dates.

4: Class.

I’ve said it before, and I will say it again. Class has nothing to do with the price tag on your outfit. Class is about the dignity you carry yourself with and the level of respect you show to those around you.

Real, genuine integrity and personal standards of conduct.

We’ve gotten so caught up in the image of what we think being “classy” means, that we’ve stopped learning about etiquette, manners, and the things that really empower us to live an elevated life.

The ability to handle yourself with class and grace in any social circumstance is far more attractive than just a pretty face.

5: Passion for life.

What are you truly passionate about? It could be a social cause, giving to your community, building a business, pursuing a fitness goal…whatever it is, passion is the fuel that powers the vehicle of our dreams.

What’s more attractive than watching someone in their zone? Whether it’s dancing, knitting, making art, fighting for a cause, helping others…living with passion gives an extra dimension that draws people to you.

Just like everyone being attracted to something different, everyone is passionate about something different. The important part, though, is having a passion in the first place.

Somewhere to direct your energy, something to be proud of, a purpose that drives you forward every day.

6: Honesty.

How long will you get lost in then mesmerizing gaze of someone who…you know is lying to you? If you cannot trust your partner or believe what they say, how can you construct a solid, lasting foundation with them?

You can’t, no matter how good looking they are.

7: Consistency.

Being consistent is a valuable virtue because it lets your partner know, quite simply, who they’re committing to.

Showing up consistently in life and love is how we build trust with those around us. It shows we are reliable and can be counted on — not just for who we are, but for what we say we’ll do.

Consistency outside of a relationship is also a valuable virtue. It empowers us to stick to routines, gain new skills, and build a foundation for a happy and healthy life.

8: Empathy.

Being compassionate, supportive, and empathetic towards your partner is a huge part of building a successful relationship.

Life brings us all personal challenges in life. We may face an illness, or an accident, or loss of a loved one, or a mental health struggle. When we make the promise of “in sickness and in health”, we pledge our universal loyalty to someone (unless, of course, they are abusive or damaging to our physical or mental health — you are never obligated to tolerate any of that).

Empathy, though, allows healthy relationships to thrive as both partners care for and support each other through their times of need.

9: The willingness to do the work.

Effort, effort, effort.

Relationships are a two way street, and sometimes beautiful people gain a sense of entitlement along their journey in life.

They are often treated differently, especially when it comes to dating. They know they are pursued and desired, and therefore expect to coast through relationships without having to put in any real work. Sometimes, men are the very ones perpetuating this cycle by letting them get away with it.

For anyone who wants a real partner, though, they know that relationships aren’t about give and take, they’re about give and give, and only work if both people contribute equally.

11: Humor.

A healthy sense of humor is paramount to living a healthy life. We’re able to enhance the good times, and lighten the load of the heavy times. Laughing with someone that you take seriously helps to build a bond, a connection, a mutual enjoyment of each other’s presence in a way that few other things can.

It’s long been said that women seek a sense of humor in men, which is why funny guys are [can be] so attractive. The inverse is also true, though, as women who can keep a man laughing and smiling are — of course — appealing and attractive just the same.

Regardless of gender, nobody ever felt less attracted to someone who they can have a great time with.

12: Ambition.

What are your goals? Personal, professional, life goals? The truth is that you don’t need “big” goals, only goals that you, yourself, are deeply passionate about.

Ambition is what drives you towards achieving these goals, and it radiates a magnetic energy around you. It draws people to you. They want some of your magic. They seek you out and want to come along for the ride.

It makes you interesting, inspiring, and attractive in ways that a nice smile or pair of eyes never could.

13: Reliability.

This is one of my favorite points to mention in articles like this because I get to use the Toyota Corolla example.

I’ll make it short this time:

The Toyota Corolla is the best-selling car of all time. Of all time.

Why?

Because it’s reliable.

It’s not sexy (sorry). It’s not exciting (sorry again). It’s not fun, or rare, or exotic (sorry, sorry, sorry).

It’s widely loved and embraced though, because it can be counted on. People are drawn to what they can trust (!!!), and if you’re reliable, you possess an immensely important quality that anyone will be looking for in a potential life partner, or a friend, or a business partner.

14: Self-awareness.

Why is self-awareness attractive?

It means that you know yourself.

You know your tendencies, your strengths, your areas of improvement, the things that make you happy, and the things that don’t.

As a result, you can express and communicate these things to a partner, or a potential partner.

You can build a life around the things (and people) that you love.

You have the ability to take responsibility for your actions, and therefore have the maturity to admit mistakes and work to fix them — which is imperative for both partners in a relationship to be able to do.

A lack of self-awareness keeps you living in an imaginary land that removes you from objective reality. It becomes difficult to see the world (and yourself) through a clear and honest lens, which prohibits full connection with others.

When you’re self-aware, you can work on yourself, improve, embrace your positive qualities, and learn to love yourself. You cannot work to get better and ignore the things that’d make you better at the same time. One must be chosen over the other.

15: Authenticity.

Your identity and purpose are what define the reality you live in both inside and outside of a relationship. They dictate the decisions you make, the values you live by, the standards you hold for yourself and others.

The way you choose to show up in the world creates the mark that you leave on it. It shapes the way people see you, and — most importantly — how you see yourself.

The partner you choose for a relationship is a reflection of who you are and what’s important to you.

As they reflect you, they will also help shape you.

Does their presence in your life encourage you to be and do better? Do you like the person you are when you are with them?

If the answer is no, no amount of good looks will change it to “yes.”

Don’t get me wrong — physical attraction plays a major role in relationships.

Love builds intimacy, and intimacy builds love. But the truth is, unless one (or both) of you has a career related to your appearance, the majority of your time in a relationship will be spent doing things that have nothing to do with what either of you look like.

It will be spent living. Running errands, doing things with family or friends, watching TV, riding in the car, chasing the kids around the house, or going out to dinner.

Whether or not you enjoy doing these things with someone isn’t influenced by what they look like — it’s influenced by who they are as a human being — a human being that you damn well better love spending your time with.

Remember — you can have a friendship without a relationship, but you can’t have a relationship without a friendship.

• My private clients find themselves living more confident, purposeful lives and cultivating healthier relationships with those around them. Click here to book a free call to see if we’re a fit to work together.
• James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.
• Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 39 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.
• James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.