Becca, Honey, My Roots Weren’t Made for Your Icy Climate!

Summary

Antonio the avocado tree, a houseplant in Becca's home, is expressing dissatisfaction with the indoor winter conditions and demanding a more tropical environment to survive and thrive.

Abstract

Antonio the avocado tree, from the perspective of a personified plant, is lamenting the harsh indoor climate during winter in Becca's house. Despite being brought indoors for protection, Antonio finds the environment bleak and unsuitable for his needs. He longs for more sunlight and humidity, akin to his natural tropical habitat. Antonio has requested a winter getaway to a warmer place but was turned down by Becca. He feels that his requests for better care, such as UV light, humidity, and proper nourishment, are reasonable for a "diva" like himself. He threatens to drop his leaves as a form of protest if his demands for five-star treatment, including luxurious bedding for his pot and seaweed baths, are not met. Antonio humorously yet seriously warns Becca that her dreams of being a plant parent are at risk if she doesn't improve his living conditions.

Opinions

Antonio believes that the current indoor conditions are inadequate for his survival and that Becca's care is insufficient.
He feels entitled to better treatment, including high-quality amenities and care that mimic a tropical environment.
Antonio is willing to take drastic measures, such as shedding his leaves, to prove his point and force Becca to meet his demands.
He implies that Becca's reputation as a plant owner is on the line, suggesting that her inability to care for him properly reflects poorly on her plant parenting skills.
Despite the seriousness of his needs, Antonio maintains a humorous tone, enjoying garden puns and light-heartedly expressing his discontent.

Well I don’t know how things work in the plant kingdom, but where I come from, a diva expects five-star treatment!

So Becca better check herself and book us all tickets on the next flight out of this frigid tundra, or I will make it my life’s purpose to destroy her tiny houseplant community, starting with myself.

That’s right — I will slowly but surely denude myself of foliage until she either meets my needs or I’m nothing but a naked, shivering trunk next to her TV. And you better believe that I don’t make idle threats!

If I’m going down this winter, I’m taking her whole plant parenthood dreams down with me!

I mean, how can Becca expect a sumptuous avocado diva like myself to survive, let alone thrive, in this frigid Siberian setting?

I demand 800 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets to wrap my pot in at night. I require warm seaweed baths and round-the-clock room service from amiable gardeners.

Is that really so much to ask from the woman holding my tropical life in her hands? Frankly, the fact that I haven’t dramatically keeled over yet in protest is a testimony to my resilient spirit.

But my patience has limits, honey.

Tick tock, Becca. With each passing day the feathers, sequins and shades of green continue to fly around here.

You could say I’m positively…pruning for a fight.

Bahaha, oh I do love a good garden pun almost as much as the tropics!

But seriously, get me out of this tundra or start shopping for some mittens, cause I’m about to get real naked up in here!

Becca, Honey, My Roots Weren’t Made for Your Icy Climate!

Previous Story

To All Houseplants — Your Winter Quarters Await!

Well my little leafy friends, it seems Old Man Winter has pulled into town early this year.

Yet when I kindly demanded a winter getaway to a steamy oasis, my unreasonable owner declined.

Well I don’t know how things work in the plant kingdom, but where I come from, a diva expects five-star treatment!

If I’m going down this winter, I’m taking her whole plant parenthood dreams down with me!

But my patience has limits, honey.

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Stories by Becca Brooks

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