Beautiful Things Happen When You Disconnect
Technology gets a bad rap for keeping us glued to our screens instead of being present with whomever is around us, and while this can be true, it also allows us to connect with billions of people all over the world. For free. — Jen Sincero
Connection and disconnection are powerful tools especially when they are not overused. What’s a person to gain by using them and how does he know when to disconnect?
Often we are so connected that we forget to sit back and relax. We go, go, go so much so that the concept of rest is lost… until we are forced to disconnect or make a willful choice to rest.
More importantly, what does it do for a person’s psyche — to connect — or disconnect?
Connection
Connection can be a beautiful thing.
As we know…
Too much of a good thing is not a good thing.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy or Jill a dull girl.
In relationships and parenting we need similar things:
- Accessibility
- Attention
- Comfort
Are you accessible to me?
Can I get your attention (when I need it)?
Am I a priority?
Does what I’m doing matter?
Do you care about my well-being?
Can you comfort me?
These questions center around validation of importance and time. When we listen and care about each other’s well-being we allow for the possibility of connection.
Too much connection can cause the need to disconnect.
When these things are not in place we feel disconnected. This causes another set of relational problems on an emotional level.
Disconnection
When we are disconnected, feelings of loneliness, sadness, and depression come to the surface.
Questions of self-worth rise to the surface:
Am I important?
Who am I?
Do I matter?
These can lead to arguments with a spouse or child.
When a person withdraws often or sticks their head in their phone or other electronic devices we feel disconnected from them.
This also leads to feelings of loneliness, abandonment, anger, and resentment, especially if our personality type places connections as being important.
Each of us has emotional raw spots. Things we care about or sensitivities where our feelings can be hurt, even if the other person doesn’t realize they are inflicting hurt or pain. It’s hard to tell where these sensitivities lie unless we explore our feelings and interactions carefully.
Often they are uncovered by looking back on situations where our feelings have been hurt and trying to replay the situation through the other person’s eyes.
This can cause disconnection.
Recently, I found a cause for disconnection — good disconnection — and it was unplanned.
My daughter and I took a mission trip and I knew I wouldn’t be able to work much, but I thought I would be able to work a little in early morning hours or late at night.
I didn’t expect I wouldn’t be able to work at all. There wasn’t even a little bit of internet connection to be found anywhere, except two steps off the step outside the recreation center or three steps to the right of a bench next to the pond.
If I turned my head the wrong way during a brief call home we were cut off without notice and many times had no hope of reconnection.
Having no interaction with technology or on social media was an unexpected blessing. I couldn’t focus on work or home, just the current interactions, and I was more present.
At first, it created discomfort and anxiety, but there was no changing the circumstances, so embracing disconnection fostered deeper human relations.
We need a healthy balance of connection and disconnection as well as the ability to have time to process our own thoughts.
Mental space
Mental space is to be in a state of mind where the world is your instrument, according to the Urban Dictionary.
I wouldn’t take it so far as to say a space where nothing gets in your way, but it is a place where thoughts are free to develop and wander so that understanding forms thoughts into an action plan.
It’s more like mindfulness with an actionable plan.
How do we create mental space?
When I need to shut out distractions I put on Headspace or FocusAtWill and shove the earbuds into my ears. It’s music with binaural beats that help a person meditate, lower stress, and sleep better.
It creates a place where I can think and process my own thoughts.
Other things that can help are:
- Adding transition time
- Having “me” time
- Disconnecting
Transitions
Create a buffer between scheduled items. In a busy world where Americans cram as much as they can into their schedules, it seems counter-intuitive to add buffer time between schedules.
Adding margin to our lives isn’t easy and takes diligence and practice.
Mindfulness
Block time to think through complex ideas or even noncomplex ideas. Allow space to let your thoughts wander and develop. Get comfortable in a few minutes of silence so you can find out who you are and debrief.
- Take a walk
- Exercise
- Turn off technology
When we disconnect we allow for the mental space for personal growth and thoughts to develop. Try it today and see how you grow as a person.
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