FROM MY LIFE
Beautiful Noise, a tribute
This Neil Diamond song brings back memories of my father
In May 2021, it had been fourteen years since I last saw my father, and that was after thirteen years of not seeing him, because I had immigrated to Europe. In all those years, whenever I heard the song Beautiful Noise by Neil Diamond, I thought of him, my father.
I still do.
On the first of April this year, I tested positive for Covid. On the first of April this year, my father was admitted to hospital, gravely ill. He had been in and out of hospital at least three times a year in the last ten years, but in April, it was different. He had two different infections in his lungs, heart failure, and a stroke, which left him paralyzed on the right.
This was 3 months before his 80th birthday.
On 17 April, sitting on the couch, watching the funeral service of Prince Philip, I received the message: my father had passed away.
My father and I
We hadn’t always seen eye to eye, and sometimes years went by with no contact.
When my brother and I were still children, I was my father’s favorite, even though parents shouldn’t favor one child over the other. What people didn’t realize: I was his favorite only when he could brag about me. Whenever I did well in gymnastics, he would brag to everyone how good I was, but he never once attended any of my competitions. Only my mom did. He called me his darling, his sweetheart, his little girl, until the day I told my parents I was pregnant.
I instantly lost my status as his favorite. Our contact was sporadic. Sometimes I visited him for a weekend, and occasionally he stayed with me for a night, because he needed a halfway house on his way to wherever. Of course, my move to the Netherlands didn’t help to keep in contact. I really believe he always loved me, the way I did him; that he always saw me as his daughter, the way I always said: no matter what, he’s my father and always will be.
There was a time when we had more frequent contact, and then suddenly it stopped again, for years. We only started having contact again when my mom fell ill, and he sent her the most beautiful and kind messages.
After her passing, we stayed in contact. He sent me old photos. We shared memories from my childhood, talked about family. Even gossiped! He also admitted the big mistake he and my mom had made when my daughter was born — a story for another time.
Beautiful Noise
One thing we never spoke about was Beautiful Noise, or any of the other music we used to listen to on those long trips to Namibia. There was Elvis, and Engelbert Humperdinck, Tom Jones, Jim Reeves and many more. But the one song that always reminds me of my father, and probably always will, is Beautiful Noise.
Beautiful Noise… what a song… from the moment you hear the cars, the intro music, and then the beautiful voice of Neil Diamond. Back in April, this song kept playing in my head, while I worried about my father, thinking of all that had been said in the year before that, and how I finally felt closer to him again.
Now, when I hear Beautiful Noise, it triggers distinct memories, and makes me look at the photos my father had shared. Sunsets. Fishing trips. Our old yellow VW Combi. Our garden. And so many more…
Our relationship might not always have been a good one, but I always respected him as my dad, and know now he had never stopped seeing me as his daughter.
This is a tribute to him…
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