Be Your Own Hero

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Abstract

id whatever I could to keep others happy, hoping they would accept me and care for me. I longed for someone to rescue me, to give me value.I found a home in evangelical Christianity while in college. Among my fellow followers, I experienced love for the first time. College is a formative time in our lives, and I committed my whole self to follow Jesus. I didn’t realize the price that was expected to remain within the group. Not a price required by Jesus, mind you, but by those in the church taking liberties in his name.There is nothing free about evangelical religion. Despite what they tell you, each church, each group, has its own set of rules with which they determine your level of acceptance. As I moved through adulthood, an internal conflict grew, and with it, my inability to remain within the church’s boundaries. Who would rescue me, I wondered?After many years of waiting, I realized I needed to rescue myself. I needed to value my own emotional health enough to make significant changes.It is incredibly challenging to make progress toward living an emotionally healthy life. It is both frightening and exhilarating. People who know us do

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not take kindly to drastic changes in beliefs, attitudes, or behavior. It’s easy to understand this; change is hard for most people. Change also makes us confront our belief systems.I transformed one hard decision at a time. I learned to speak up, and I uncovered what I needed and what I wanted. To transform is to change.One only needs to look at the process of a caterpillar changing to a butterfly to see the validity of this. After spinning its cocoon, the caterpillar goes into a liquid state from which the butterfly will form. Once formed, the butterfly must break free from the cocoon to build up strength in its wings. If you do the work for it, the butterfly will die. The process of struggling out of the cocoon is part of the process that allows the butterfly to fly free.We are like that butterfly. We must allow ourselves to be formed anew and permit ourselves to struggle as we gain the strength to fly. As little girls, we are taught to wait for the hero to come and save us, to give us meaning and value. But the truth is, we need to be our own heroes. We need to recognize that we ARE valuable and that freedom comes from the struggle.</article></body>

Be Your Own Hero

The world is waiting for you to find your voice.

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I have been writing and speaking about authenticity for more than two decades. The past couple of years has seen a myriad of books and articles written by female authors. Works such as Glennon Doyle’s breakthrough book, Untamed, have become a rallying cry for women across the globe. Bravo to these writers.

A movement is growing. Women everywhere are awakening to their need for personal freedom. Women are finding their voices and learning to speak up. It is not enough to have a seat at the table; we must also be free to share our ideas and to have them heard. My unique journey to authentic freedom no doubt mimics the story of others; I trust it also offers hope.

For most of my life, I have been a master at hiding, at blending in. Rare were the times I felt safe or accepted as a child, and many were the times I felt abandoned, unloved, and fearful. As a coping mechanism, I did whatever I could to keep others happy, hoping they would accept me and care for me. I longed for someone to rescue me, to give me value.

I found a home in evangelical Christianity while in college. Among my fellow followers, I experienced love for the first time. College is a formative time in our lives, and I committed my whole self to follow Jesus. I didn’t realize the price that was expected to remain within the group. Not a price required by Jesus, mind you, but by those in the church taking liberties in his name.

There is nothing free about evangelical religion. Despite what they tell you, each church, each group, has its own set of rules with which they determine your level of acceptance. As I moved through adulthood, an internal conflict grew, and with it, my inability to remain within the church’s boundaries. Who would rescue me, I wondered?

After many years of waiting, I realized I needed to rescue myself. I needed to value my own emotional health enough to make significant changes.

It is incredibly challenging to make progress toward living an emotionally healthy life. It is both frightening and exhilarating. People who know us do not take kindly to drastic changes in beliefs, attitudes, or behavior. It’s easy to understand this; change is hard for most people. Change also makes us confront our belief systems.

I transformed one hard decision at a time. I learned to speak up, and I uncovered what I needed and what I wanted. To transform is to change.

One only needs to look at the process of a caterpillar changing to a butterfly to see the validity of this. After spinning its cocoon, the caterpillar goes into a liquid state from which the butterfly will form. Once formed, the butterfly must break free from the cocoon to build up strength in its wings. If you do the work for it, the butterfly will die. The process of struggling out of the cocoon is part of the process that allows the butterfly to fly free.

We are like that butterfly. We must allow ourselves to be formed anew and permit ourselves to struggle as we gain the strength to fly. As little girls, we are taught to wait for the hero to come and save us, to give us meaning and value. But the truth is, we need to be our own heroes. We need to recognize that we ARE valuable and that freedom comes from the struggle.