Be Vulnerable. Expose the Best and Worst of You with Your Date.
I Came “Out of the Gate” with my Darkest Secret. No Regrets.
Think about this while you read… What are your most outstanding achievements, and what’s your worst, darkest secret?
Of course, it’s relatively easy to come up with flattering ones, and they’re essential, but what about that dark worst one? In my opinion, the latter is just as, if not more crucial to know before saying yes to another date.
After over two years of incredible dating, a recent engagement, and not currently living together but building our new home — we have much to look forward too. My fiance and I still attribute the strength of our commitment to “how” we started. In our case, we learned the worst of each other within mere minutes of our meeting. Since our beginning and to this day, we both feel this foundation of brutal truths was the answer to our coupled happiness.
What was the worst of ourselves? Well, I’d tell you, but ya know, then I’d have to “…” you. Hahaha. As for the best of us, it turns out those weren’t our previous achievements per se — it was our ability to acknowledge our “demons.” We just spoke our truths.
Doing this gave us both permission to be comfortable in our own skin. Which allowed those best and most beautiful qualities we have to shine even brighter.
Our first “official” date occurred after exposing each other to our worst selves. We found a nice private spot and relaxed while sharing a bottle of wine, or ok fine… it was two. Time was of no matter as we dived into “matters of the heart” type conversation. He leaned in close, staring into my soul, and said, “I love the way you think…” How I adored that comment. I will never forget it because even after knowing my worst, he still looked at me with wonderment and intrigue. To this day, that “sparkle” in his eyes remains.
Absolute honesty is your best bet.
Your first date should reveal the WORST thing you’ve ever done. If you survive that, life is just more comfortable.
We all have secret “skeletons” in our closet; no one is perfect. So why do we pretend to be that and attempt hiding those imperfections? No surprise answer here; we want to put our best foot forward and have a memorable first date. We think and hope by pointing out all of our excellent qualities, that somehow those will trump any negative. However, this isn’t what happens because, with time, your truth will come out.
Disclosing your questionable act upfront, as opposed to it slipping or being found out — creates a vulnerability most people will highly value.
So, why not try coming “out of the gate” with your worst? I’ve heard crazier shit than that, and I’m no expert, but, I mean — what do you have to lose? Nothing really, beyond the cost of that date and not having a second one. In which case, if your “significant” other can’t accept what you’ve done, then that’s ok. They’re allowed to decide, and they’re not your BEST fit anyways. You move on without wasting your life or feeling heartbreak because you asked and answered a can-be hard question.
That’s a win-win in my book!
The beauty in doing this comes from those we meet who WANT to see past that seemingly terrible thing we’ve done. Perhaps you’ve also been there, or you consider what you’ve done to be worse. Now that would be an odd but comforting thought for you both, right? This is what “sets the stage” for a completely open and astonishingly solid footing.
Knowing each other’s “checkered” past allows for freedom of exchanged thoughts. An actual conversation results, which, if you’ve made it this far in your date, you’ve also succeeded in forming a rare and unique bond of instant honesty.
Friendship is magically born through acceptance of our worst selves and loving the best of us too.
What better way is there is start a relationship with a stranger? I can’t think of one myself, because what can I say — this was the recipe for our success.
Remember, no matter the outcome, you’re already miles ahead of finding your best match.
P.S. I would love to hear if anyone who reads this has tried this way and what your result was? Did you dodge a “bullet” or strike “gold”?
I wish the latter to you…
P.S.S. Just thinking this kinda turned into a love story, I hope it helps you.💜