Be the You You Want to Be

and you don’t have to worry how your children turn out

This article is a bit philosophical. So you need to calm down and read. Alright, let’s do this.

What did you want to be when you grew up? You know…before you learned about what money was and how important it was for you to have it. More importantly, how did you want to be? I’m guessing you thought you would be the most accomplished adult in the world right? All the money should have been yours by now and every aspect of life should have made sense. I’m betting beach houses and first-class trips filled your future. What you did not realize is that those things don’t just fall from the sky and everybody who has those things had to do what it took to get’em. It was either they worked their asses off, or their parents did, or the parents before their parents did. Get it?

Financially, if you are poor, then you probably had poor parents. If you are average, you probably had average parents. You may have also seen that the richest people in the world have wealth in their background. Perhaps not 100% but you get the point. Now let’s look at other areas of life?

Hater N*ggas marry hater B*tches and have hater kids — Kanye West

“The Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” is something we have heard times over. Every area of the Apple will reflect the tree it came from and I’m going somewhere with this. At this stage of my life, I have enough brains to help me see patterns. I have seen that we are all programs reflecting the code embedded in us by the observations we gathered from our environment. That is the scientific reason why the Apple does not fall far from the tree. We learn from everything we observed. We learned every emotion and word we saw being portrayed by our parents and everyone else we encountered. We learned more from the actions and vibrations we picked up from life than from the words we heard.

Let me talk about those parents who physically abuse their children for a second. They claim that there is no way they can communicate discipline and other lessons of life to the child without violence. If you listen to them, however, you will soon learn that they were raised the same way. So we are saying the same thing.

A Short Story

I know a guy, he’s 20 years old. This guy told me that there is this other notorious guy that he knows (in his 40s) and this other guy is very friendly to him. Anytime he(the 20-year-old) is seen on the street (by the 40s man), he (the 40s man) comes over to say hi. He (the 40s man) pays for anything is buying at the time. The payer, when asked why he was so nice to this younger man, replied and said that he sees an alternate version of himself in the younger guy. He said that the younger guy reminded him of what he would have been like should he have chosen a different life path and he is trying to make life as easy as he can for the younger guy so he doesn’t have to follow the path he (the older man) did. Does that make sense?

Shadow work

I’m not going to explain the entirety of shadow work here but the psychology behind it states that the thing we hate in another, is what we hide in ourselves. So let’s go back to the parents who physically abuse their children. They say it’s for correction and discipline but come on — those children end up exactly like their parents — unaccomplished and angry — and the cycle continues. A parent who understands what happiness and contentment are, will not resort to violence; especially towards a defenseless human being. Observe everywhere violence is perpetrated; it had to do more with the unhappiness of the perpetrator than the situation itself — it’s no different in the case of domestic violence. So we are saying the same thing.

When a father or mother is unhappy, they lash out at the children because they view the children as the reason why they didn’t live their fullest life. They are also seeing their own misbehaviors in their children and this upsets them even more. So they find themselves trying to beat the flaws out of the younger generation while not seeing that it is the violence that casts the negative behavior in stone — the cycle continues. Damn it’s crazy!!

I am yet to have children for this particular reason. I know the amazing human beings that will come into this world through me and I must be my best self (to a certain level) before they come through. I must live in a safe, loving environment so they grow up knowing that safety and love are their right. They have to grow up knowing (from my example) that patience and consistency pay off. Where else will they learn it?

The Solution

For a solution to present itself, one has to admit that there is a challenge. I started by saying that everything a person has muct have been achieved by working their ass of, or their parents did it for them, or the parents of their parents started the process. So if a person sees that they would want to be different from the code their lineage has created, they need to put in the hard work required and that work is deprogramming of the self. Those characteristics which we deem unworthy must first leave us before we can hope for the future generation to be free of them — and we have to do it before they come. This is because the first seven years of a child’s life is lived in observation; they are studying their environament and in ideal situations, the parents are the primary case study — however, what do we do when the father and mother are still asleep to their imperfections? Beating the childrenor scolding them will do nothing when their environment and parental behaviour show them something else.

Conclusion

If you don’t have children, please be your best self before they come. Don’t allow pressure and ignorance make you push out children when you have not gotten what you want from life. If you make that error, you will be stuck hustling to raise children and you will do a terrible job. If you already have children and you get that feeling of dissatisfaction, then come to the truth that it’s not the childrens’ fault. No child has ever persuaded their parents to have sex and conceive them so pushing regrets on the new born is the most foolish (yet normal) thing to do.

But what if my children are just stubborn? Stubborness is learned and like I say, satisfied and happy parents will always choose the path of non-violence because they know that the apple does not fall far from the tree.

So be happy before the children come. Live your dream so you don’t force them to live it for you. Deal with your shadows so you can encourage them to deal with and not castigate them for theirs.

Finally:

Be the You You Want to Be; and you don’t have to worry how your children turn out