Be Silent No More
The moment when vulnerability meets fear.
Silence by definition is purely the absence of any sound or noise; stillness. The state or fact of being silent; muteness. Absence or omission of mention, comment, or expressed concern.*
I have been told many times to be silent, do not mention it to anyone, heck have even been told to keep many secrets. Now I consider myself to be a pretty loyal friend when it comes to keeping secrets but deep down if there is something wrong with the secret I have been asked to keep then I usually speak up, say what I am thinking or feeling. I consider myself pretty lucky that many people in my life have trusted me with such.
Most of the time secrets which are told to us are ones which do not necessarily affect our lives. In other words, if a friend tells you to keep their secret you do and you really never talk about it again, most of the time. It was their way of getting something off their chest and releasing that energy which was weighing upon them.
What if there was a secret which you trusted to someone and it was so painful and hurtful that even the person you trusted told you, “be silent do not tell anyone else, forget it ever happened”. Can you feel the weight of that sentence? That is right, you trusted someone with your emotions and your heart, maybe even trusted them to save you in that moment, and they told you to BE SILENT! Just in that single moment you felt like you would never be heard. The heart that was holding on to its last working valve suddenly shuts off and you fall to your knees while your gut is ripped out. Now imagine in that moment you are a young child. In the blink of an eye you learned to suppress your emotions, and you immediately begin to build the wall which shuts out hope, love, and faith.
People often say “time heals all wounds.”
But what the fuck does that really mean? Time does not really heal much and honestly how much time does one person really have! No one knows. The stupid things we tell ourselves or others tell us to believe. No wonder there are so many messed up people in the world today. What we really should be saying is “too much time in pain mixed with silence will eventually kill me”. I am not saying NO ONE SHOULD FEEL PAIN. I am actually saying we should all embrace pain. Pain is a staple emotion that if we suppress it it will fester into illness and illness will eventually kill without the proper attention.
So BE SILENT NO MORE! Whatever hurt has been done to you in your lifetime, speak. Speak up loudly so you can begin to heal. Because silence over time can be the one thing which pushes someone over the edge. It festers and boils and eats away at the inside of ones self being.
Silence can kill the heart that helps the body live and love oneself. Without the proper attention one’s silence becomes a moment wasted in time where light is not able to enter.
As a parent we are gifted space to share time with children who have trusted us to listen, to guide, and in someway protect them. This does not mean hover and shield them from every breaking moment. No, that is definitely too much work! If that is you as a parent well I am sorry you are better then me, I can hardly keep up with the everyday arguments over who gets to watch Netflix first. What I am saying is the time and space we are gifted to share with them provides parents the opportunity to let them be heard.
Parents do not have to like what they hear, but we do have to be prepared for what we hear. You may be thinking, but what if they say: “momma I am an addict” or “I am pregnant” or “I was molested by my cousin” or “everyday I think of hurting myself.” A parents’ worst fear or ultimate dose of reality, the moment when your child becomes a scene ripped out of a Lifetime original movie. So if you want a chance at a happy ending consider this:
- Do not silence your child, let them be heard even in the most fearful moments.
- Sit in silence before you even think of responding.
- Be honest, you probably do not have the answer to solve or fix anything but you can offer your hand of support.
- Your anger probably manifests from fear of the unknown. Own your feelings.
- Were you holding their hand as they trusted you with their secret, while they stood there fearless, and SILENT NO MORE.
In my line of daily work I often have opportunities to speak with many adults and youth who trust their stories in my hands and I find myself asking what would I do. Those moments offer me insight to my own growth. I challenge you to do the same. Listen openly to others stories for the answers you seek may be within their spoken words.
Thank you for reading this post today. Sometimes things weigh on our minds and it is important to release them into the universe. I appreciate you taking the time to make it to the end. Also, the thoughts of this post are mine and the tips are just thoughts and do not guarantee successful relationships with your children. Best of luck in your week.
Works Cited
- silence. Dictionary.com Unabridged based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © RANDOM HOUSE, INC. 2020
- It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. Quote by Rose Kennedy
