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Abstract

on AOL. We needed something that would really send Derek into a world of panic. Then the million-dollar idea hit me.Steve and I knew that Derek was taking anabolic steroids. Derek was a beefy meatball guy who was always trying to get bigger and build muscle. It looked like more fat than muscle to me, but he liked lifting and spent a lot of time at the gym.Steroids were obviously both illegal and not permitted to be eligible to play college baseball. This was when steroids were becoming a major issue in Major League Baseball with the likes of Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, and many others. Although Division 3 baseball players weren’t tested for anabolic steroids, due to the timing of steroids in the headlines, it was the perfect hook to make for a believable prank.Here was the plan. Steve and I had a friend named Mike who was Treasurer of Student Government Affairs at our college. He had access to the university letterhead that we were going to use to pull off the prank. Once we received the blank university letterhead, the fun began.I crafted a fake letter from the university stating the NCAA was requiring Derek to be randomly drug-tested for performance-enhancing drugs in order to be eligible to play in the upcoming baseball season. The fake letter included the date, time, and location on campus for Derek to be present for the drug test. We scheduled the test to take place a week after the receipt of the letter. I saved the fake letter to my Word doc files simply as Poem 43.Steve and I went to the post office, placed a stamp on the envelope, and mailed the letter to our apartment so it would be postmarked. In addition to sending Derek the drug-test letter, we gave fake letters to several other players on the baseball team who were in on the prank to corroborate our story in case Derek asked anyone.Two days later on a Friday, the letter showed up in the mail. Wearing my best poker face, I walked over to Derek and told him he had a letter in the mail. Steve and I watched as Derek opened up the letter from the university stating the NCAA was requesting his presence for a performance-enhancing drug test the following week.Derek immediately flipped out, and he started pacing around the apartment.“Oh my God, what the fuck is this?” he questioned. “My parents are going to kill me if they find out I’ve been taking steroids. I’ll get kicked off t

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he baseball team too,” he said panicked.With everything in me, I fought back bursting into laughter. I couldn’t contain my poker face anymore, went to my bedroom, and started laughing my ass off. While I was in my room, I heard Derek and Steve talking about the letter. Steve told him that he heard a few other players had received them too and named some of the players. Derek’s concerns mounted.I heard him grab his cellphone and call Rite Aid and GNC to ask if they sold any supplements that would flush the steroids out of his system. He googled “How to get steroids out of your system quickly.” It was the exact reaction that Steve and I were looking for.The best part of the prank was that we were going to let it marinate for as long as we could. We wanted him to suffer and learn his lesson from messing with Steve. We wanted to at least make it to Sunday before we broke the truth to Derek.We enjoyed watching Derek continue to squirm and freak out all day on Saturday and into Sunday morning. He incessantly thought about how he was going to have to explain his steroid use to his parents. He worried that he would be kicked off of the baseball team. He continued to search for any home remedy to clear the steroids from his system. It was like watching a 24/7 live comedy show.By Sunday afternoon, Steve and I were satisfied with our efforts and decided to let Derek out of his misery. I was a writing major at school, so it wasn’t uncommon for me to have poems and stories saved on my computer.I went over to my computer and opened up Poem 43. I asked Derek if he would take a look at my new poem and let me know his thoughts.Derek walked over to my computer, took a seat on my chair, and started reading Poem 43. His eyes and mouth shot wide open as he realized Poem 43 was the fake performance-enhancing-drug-test letter. He paused for a second, then he turned to me and Steve and said,“I fucking hate you guys. Do you mean this letter was fake? You realize all of the shit I’ve been going through the past few days?”He was a mixture of relieved and pissed off at the same time.Steve and I found ourselves lost in uncontrollable laughter. We had pulled off an epic, original prank. Revenge was complete.Maybe next time Derek will be careful whom he messes with, because payback is a bitch.</article></body>

September Writing Prompt

Be Careful Whom You Mess With Because Payback is a B***h

An epic prank played on my college roommate

During my junior year of college, I shared an apartment with two roommates, Derek and Steve. I had known Steve since my freshman year, but this was my first time meeting and living with Derek. The two of them played on the college baseball team together, so Steve asked me if Derek could live with us to split the rent three ways instead of two. I was all about saving money any way we could, so I agreed to let Derek live with us.

Derek was dating a girl named Megan and spent a lot of time over at her apartment. This left Steve and I alone at our apartment hanging out and talking with people online. AOL Instant Messenger was huge during this time in the early 2000s as a way for us to communicate and make plans.

One day Steve received a random IM from a girl who claimed she saw him on campus and was interested in him. She would flirt with him every chance she had. This went on for a few days, and Steve was getting excited to finally meet her in person. They had plans to meet the next day at the university cafeteria.

That meeting never happened. Derek came home the day before Steve’s planned meeting and had a shitty smile on his face. Steve and I knew something was up. Derek asked him how things were progressing with the girl he’d been talking to through AOL. When Steve said they were fine and they were going to meet tomorrow in the cafeteria, Derek burst into laughter. He admitted it was a fake screen name that he created and that he was the one messaging Steve whenever he would go to Megan’s to hang out.

Steve was an easy-going guy who didn’t get upset easily, but I could see the embarrassment on his face. He didn’t appreciate being hoodwinked or having his time wasted talking to a fake person. Little did Derek know that he would not be the one who got the last laugh.

The next day, Steve and I had a conversation about how he could get Derek back for messing with him on AOL. We needed something that would really send Derek into a world of panic. Then the million-dollar idea hit me.

Steve and I knew that Derek was taking anabolic steroids. Derek was a beefy meatball guy who was always trying to get bigger and build muscle. It looked like more fat than muscle to me, but he liked lifting and spent a lot of time at the gym.

Steroids were obviously both illegal and not permitted to be eligible to play college baseball. This was when steroids were becoming a major issue in Major League Baseball with the likes of Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, and many others. Although Division 3 baseball players weren’t tested for anabolic steroids, due to the timing of steroids in the headlines, it was the perfect hook to make for a believable prank.

Here was the plan. Steve and I had a friend named Mike who was Treasurer of Student Government Affairs at our college. He had access to the university letterhead that we were going to use to pull off the prank. Once we received the blank university letterhead, the fun began.

I crafted a fake letter from the university stating the NCAA was requiring Derek to be randomly drug-tested for performance-enhancing drugs in order to be eligible to play in the upcoming baseball season. The fake letter included the date, time, and location on campus for Derek to be present for the drug test. We scheduled the test to take place a week after the receipt of the letter. I saved the fake letter to my Word doc files simply as Poem 43.

Steve and I went to the post office, placed a stamp on the envelope, and mailed the letter to our apartment so it would be postmarked. In addition to sending Derek the drug-test letter, we gave fake letters to several other players on the baseball team who were in on the prank to corroborate our story in case Derek asked anyone.

Two days later on a Friday, the letter showed up in the mail. Wearing my best poker face, I walked over to Derek and told him he had a letter in the mail. Steve and I watched as Derek opened up the letter from the university stating the NCAA was requesting his presence for a performance-enhancing drug test the following week.

Derek immediately flipped out, and he started pacing around the apartment.

“Oh my God, what the fuck is this?” he questioned. “My parents are going to kill me if they find out I’ve been taking steroids. I’ll get kicked off the baseball team too,” he said panicked.

With everything in me, I fought back bursting into laughter. I couldn’t contain my poker face anymore, went to my bedroom, and started laughing my ass off. While I was in my room, I heard Derek and Steve talking about the letter. Steve told him that he heard a few other players had received them too and named some of the players. Derek’s concerns mounted.

I heard him grab his cellphone and call Rite Aid and GNC to ask if they sold any supplements that would flush the steroids out of his system. He googled “How to get steroids out of your system quickly.” It was the exact reaction that Steve and I were looking for.

The best part of the prank was that we were going to let it marinate for as long as we could. We wanted him to suffer and learn his lesson from messing with Steve. We wanted to at least make it to Sunday before we broke the truth to Derek.

We enjoyed watching Derek continue to squirm and freak out all day on Saturday and into Sunday morning. He incessantly thought about how he was going to have to explain his steroid use to his parents. He worried that he would be kicked off of the baseball team. He continued to search for any home remedy to clear the steroids from his system. It was like watching a 24/7 live comedy show.

By Sunday afternoon, Steve and I were satisfied with our efforts and decided to let Derek out of his misery. I was a writing major at school, so it wasn’t uncommon for me to have poems and stories saved on my computer.

I went over to my computer and opened up Poem 43. I asked Derek if he would take a look at my new poem and let me know his thoughts.

Derek walked over to my computer, took a seat on my chair, and started reading Poem 43. His eyes and mouth shot wide open as he realized Poem 43 was the fake performance-enhancing-drug-test letter. He paused for a second, then he turned to me and Steve and said,

“I fucking hate you guys. Do you mean this letter was fake? You realize all of the shit I’ve been going through the past few days?”

He was a mixture of relieved and pissed off at the same time.

Steve and I found ourselves lost in uncontrollable laughter. We had pulled off an epic, original prank. Revenge was complete.

Maybe next time Derek will be careful whom he messes with, because payback is a bitch.