Battling Binge-Eating…

Every morning I wake up wishing I wasn’t overweight.

I start thinking how I’ll maneuver throughout the day, so I won’t overeat, and not have purge.

I hate feeling hungry. I hate grocery shopping.

I hate going into the kitchen and making a choice on what to eat. I hate the struggle of eating the healthier option and then going to the store and buying junk food.

I hate drinking a 4 oz. bottle of magnesium citrate (liquid laxative) and then taking a chocolate laxative to shit out everything I binged. My stomach turns and twists into knots.

My head is in the toilet bowl. Sometimes I end up curled up on my bedroom floor crying because the pain is brutal. I spend the next two days drinking lots of water trying to “flush” everything out, even when I know that’s not realistic.

And when it’s over…I say I’ll never do it again, and then I do it again.

I don’t want to keep traumatizing my body. I don’t want food to be my enemy.