Communication
Basic Recipes to do an Effective Communication
Not only does it help you to deliver information clearly, but also how to balance the emotions of your interlocutor
Have you ever wondered, how many times conflict come out because bad of communication? Effective communication is not only important to our personal lives, but also an essential skill that we must have in the world of work and school. In fact, many pieces of training charge fees to practice this communication skill, and many people are still willing to join. In my opinion, communication consists of two basic elements
1. How to listen well
Sometimes we just talk to respond, not to understand. It might happen because the ego within that makes us just focus on how to express ourselves to those around us. Active listening is much more different from hearing. There are millions of voices that come to us every day and we hear them, but only a few voices we choose to pay attention to and focus on. Likewise in communication, you need to be willing to listen actively when your interlocutor speaks and try to projection what their feelings and conditions when they convey it then engage with it.
2. How to deliver clearly
Although we already understand, that does not mean we can deliver what we mean easily. This is not necessarily good by itself. You need to practice more so that you can get better at carrying yourself.
If we can be proficient in both of those things then we can achieve effective healthy 2-way communication. In spite of the fact, many factors can be the cause of failure to communicate effectively whether it’s because of differences in frequency, the difference in mood, different levels of empathy, or natural things that are sometimes not that easy to understand each other like culture, background, ethnicity, religion, etc that produce vocabulary selection is even more varied. I list down some elements which from my experience are a big influence when communicating.
Try to avoid these points
1. Interrupt
No one likes to be interrupted when talking, other than that this has violated basic rule number 1 where we should learn to listen actively. In addition, interruptions can make the other person annoyed and lazy to continue the conversation.
2. Multitasking
We are used to carrying our phones with us in this day and age. to unconsciously ignore someone in front of us. Even if you think you can concentrate on more than one thing, the other person may feel you lack respect. The point is, try to take your time 1–3 minutes to be willing to listen to the other person well. These 3 minutes will be more effective than you communicating while doing something else, then you miss a few points and ask them again.
3. Agree to disagree
Some communication tips suggest using this trick as a subtle form of diplomacy and to sound more polite. But I don’t think this is a good idea because there are many ways to disagree and be clear about that but still put respect and appreciation with the opinion of the other person. Agreeing to disagree just makes us looks confused and less assertive about what we mean to say.
Things that help to increase the level of effectiveness
1. Repeat shortly
Not everyone can convey something concisely and clearly. So if your interlocutor is not on point and instead makes you confused, you can repeat the main idea of the conversation that you captured more clearly and ensure the confirmation so that you are sure you don’t get the wrong idea.
2. Ask for feedback
In addition to making the other person feel more valued, this can also be a point to ensure that the other person gets what you said. You will know something is missing from the feedback he gives.
3. Three magical words
This is a cliché and over-discussed, but 3 magic words are still helpful so that we sound polite and respectful towards the other person. Sorry, thank you, please!
4. Stalling tactic
More points to take a little pause to think before answering. Usually, it can be interspersed with sentences like “Let me think minutes” or “that’s a good idea, I haven’t thought too far but…” then you can continue with your opinion. Pausing a few seconds will help you concentrate more especially if you’re juggling other tasks.
5. Make on point
Learn to be able to summarize the main idea of a new conversation after that try to communicate it briefly and clearly. Don’t be afraid to speak straightforwardly so that what you want to convey can be received correctly.
6. Add summary
The conclusion is important as a wrap-up conversation. Especially if the conversation sometimes gets so wide that the main point is forgotten.
7. Smart using tools in media
Communication becomes multi-interpreted with differences in tone of voice, intonation, accent, and many other factors. And this becomes more complicated when it is not done face to face. There are clearer topics delivered via chat, especially if there are terms that are less familiar. However, some other things will be more effectively conveyed via call so you don’t get tired of typing and long waiting for each other’s replies. For longer discussions, it will be more effective to use online video applications such as zoom and skype. For things that are professional in nature, reaching out via email is better than via personal chat. Here we know, the media we choose to communicate with also affects the effectiveness of communicating.
Things you should pay attention to besides words
1. Gesture
Albert Mehrabian, UCLA Professor Emeritus of Psychology is best known for his publications on the importance of the relationship between verbal and non-verbal messages. According to him, body language affects the effectiveness of communication up to 55%. This should be noted especially for face-to-face communication and also video calls (even though the whole body does not appear like a face-to-face meeting). In general, body language such as holding our feet together, crossing our arms, or not facing the other person’s stomach is a sign that we are less welcome and not so interested in the conversation being carried out. On the other hand, to show interest, we can do open body language and make eye contact.
2. Expression
This is one of the most visible gestures when communicating. Facial expressions are very spontaneous and sometimes difficult to control. Try to smile at the beginning of a conversation and nod occasionally in the middle of a conversation. This will let the other person know that we are listening. In addition, smiling produces a more friendly voice even though communication only takes place by phone.
3. Intonation
Intonation is a matter of variation in the pitch of the voice. Even in English, there are syllables and words that must be emphasized when pronouncing them. Improper intonation has the potential to produce miss communication as well. Although it is related to pronunciation, actually this can also be applied to how we text. Avoid using caps lock for whole words, and get in the habit of using punctuation correctly. I’ve experienced when my sister asked on text without a question mark then I think He just wants to inform me that news and not ask. You can also use icon emoticons to represent your expressions, although it is not recommended to use them in formal relationships too often because they look less professional. I used to add a three-dot(…) like this so it doesn’t sound harsh.
Psychology skills that can support
However, connecting with other people will not be separated from the psychological skills as well. Here are the basic abilities in psychology that I think is important for us to have
1. Empathy
Learning how to put yourself in the other shoes is not easy to do. There are many x-factors that make us never 100% understand other people. But when we try, at least there will be empathy that appears and allows us to understand a little about the conditions and perspectives of others. Here the first thing we have to instill is that everyone is different with their own uniqueness, so get used to normal differences and differences of opinion.
2. Less Judgements
We will not be able to fully understand, but try not to be judgmental. Just listen and don’t need to give advice when other people don’t ask for your opinion. Answer the things that are within your scope to answer there.
3. Neutral area
Don’t look at who’s talking but look at what he’s talking about. It’s easier said than done because we have biased judgments based on how we relate to that person. But you can practice being objective by listening to your logic for certain things. And this also applies when you can be honest with yourself. Sometimes we make mistakes but don’t want to be blamed. Though truly inside your heart you know you were wrong. Don’t hesitate to apologize if you’re wrong. If you are willing to admit your mistakes, you are also more able to accept the truth even from people you don’t like.
4. Mood adjustment
This is one of the most difficult, especially when it comes to things that matter most in our lives. Our moods have the potential to influence the way we talk to other people without realizing it. When we fight with our parents, we may be a little indifferent when our co-workers talk. Or conversely, we are lazy to talk to people at home when there is a problem with our partner or with our boss. In this situation, we are also sometimes difficult to open up and lazy to explain, especially if it has the potential to raise questions that make you uncomfortable. If you are in this condition, you should try to explain your situation but it doesn’t need to be too detailed. You can say, “still tired of talking about this and want to rest first” or you can also have other business and you will discuss it later.
5. Compromise
This point is the other way around when your interlocutor shows there is an internal problem, and you need something from him. If your relationship is close enough you can ask if he needs a friend to talk to and offer to listen. But if not, you can ask when he or she will have time to discuss the topics that you will discuss. Don’t ask too much in detail, let alone push it to tell you. Compromise is not only about that, there are many cases like you who have explained at length but your friend did not listen and asked to be repeated. Or they misunderstand what you say. Learn to compromise because not everyone is on the same frequency as you.
6. Confident
Last but least, Being confident when expressing your opinion. Your confidence affects your gestures and intonation. If you’re not sure what you’re going to say, how can you convince others that your opinion is a good idea?
Bottom Line
The points above are still too general for communication skills but at least they are enough to help you in general areas.
“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”
Anthony Robbins
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