Banished From Reality — The True Face of Loneliness

I walk alone. The bustling city is no longer full of unfamiliar people around. I try to remember how I got here. With no memories left, I find myself wrapped in empty emotions. There is a strange pain deep in my heart — the kind of pain that people are unable to speak of. I am exhausted and surrounded by all types of negative feelings. I see city lights around but I am covered in my own darkness. Am I in an unbreakable bubble? I can’t tell.

I see few stares passing by me — some judging, some ignoring, and some simply curious. I feel my feet are frozen, my mouth sealed and my body unable to move. Why is this happening? I am cold and there is no one around to cover me. I feel invisible and like a huge mess. I am disconnected from the rest of the world and even in a crowd, I feel lonely.

Where are my friends? I do not know. I remember reaching out but it was never reciprocated and I was left unheard and unseen. I see people are smiling, but do I also see hidden ridicule in their faces? I am unable to interact with people and feel hugely disconnected. Why? This detachment seems never-ending. My body hurts from open wounds and I am screaming in pain but no one seems to hear me. Everyone is busy and unresponsive. Their silence is more defeating than my screams. Why isn’t anyone helping me out?

I feel chained to my heavy thoughts — pinned down as if I am going to be like this for eternity. I feel the awful pressure of being left alone. It’s like walking down on a path with no direction with a bunch of strangers. Drowning in a sea of people where my existence is just another drop with no significance to the people around me. Does anyone even care?

Standing behind an invisible wall, I see the world slowly forgetting my existence. I see people I love standing at a distance, staring at me in silence. I try to draw their attention but maybe I am unwanted. Or just that they are blind and can’t see or hear me. I see hearts and ‘thumbs-ups’ floating around in the air directed at me. I know these signs. They resemble something I must have seen somewhere else — just like the ones on social media. But these are not real, just symbols of virtual ‘love’ that doesn’t do any healing.

With pain constricted in my heart and a crippled body, I feel that I will go numb. I feel stuck in my position and thirsty for some attention — and maybe some love. I am sleep-deprived and — maybe love-deprived as well — tired from endless tears that feel more like a bad dream — a dream that I need to desperately wake up from.

Is there no one who can help me wake up — someone to steer me back to reality? Maybe just one more chance and I can find my way out of this disoriented bad dream.