Balancing the Need for Social Approval with Personal Growth

Four reasons why we need social approval to sustain personal growth

After years of personal growth work, I have been thinking about how I feel. I have stopped unhealthy habits and acquired new skills, but I still feel a deficit in self-esteem and self-worth. Why is that?

It’s as if I want more, but more of what? The following considerations suggest some answers.

I suspect it is the recognition and approval of others. Too often, I have found, personal growth unfolds in isolation from others. My style has been to do this work alone.

The principal challenge for me was to confront overcoming rears and resisting temptation.

If you are successful in these endeavors, you gain a measure of self-pride, as I have experienced.

However, we also have social needs for the acceptance and approval of others. These needs go unmet if one works in isolation.

Why is it that we humans hunger for the approval of others? Here are four answers.

Compensation for Low Self-Esteem

Some of us have low self-esteem and need external validation to feel good about ourselves. It feels good to get approval.

Approval means we know something is good or acceptable. To seek approval means asking others to approve of who you are and what you have done.

Some people may want approval from others because of their lack of self-worth.

Researchers also claim low self-esteem and self-worth may result from trauma, childhood abuse, and other emotional challenges from adverse early

“We use approval to bolster our value. When our internal sense of worth fails, whether from never properly being built or having a bad day of doubting ourselves, we turn to approval.”

The Role of Social Needs

As indicated above, we also seek approval because social needs motivate us to seek acceptance and support. Belonging and respect from others are essential to our security and sense of well-being; it feels good to be part of social life.

We are motivated to seek food, water, and sex; we also need social approval and acceptance.

Need to Reduce Anxiety

It is also the case that from early childhood, we learn that approval by others can foster strength and confidence; disapproval, however, can lead to anxiety and disapproval.

Hence, the threat of exclusion from the community for being a nonconformist underlies the wish to maintain social approval. Individuals who ‘dance to their own drummer’ care little what others think.

However, their individuality poses a threat to the cohesiveness of society.

Lack of Self-trust

Finally, sometimes we seek validation and approval because we lack self-trust. We try to fulfill our desires but begin to reassess when this risks conflict and negative judgment.

Sometimes we try to please others. But this can contradict our desires. Then we pull back since no one likes to feel judged or that they are on the hot seat.

The attachment to others’ good opinions feels threatened, and the sweetness of approval and appreciation begins to look more and more appealing. Hence the pull again to conformity and compliance with community standards.

In general social approval can be manifested in various ways. Whether it be by compliments or verbal recognition of one’s achievements; acceptance and inclusion in social groups; invitations to parties and social gatherings, or material rewards such as bonuses and promotions.

It is all good. These manifestations make for a warm and welcoming embrace not necessarily present from a merely isolated feat of self-discipline.

It is clear that social surround plays a significant part in a fulfilling life; it provides a vital connection to life.

My takeaway from this exercise is don’t loosen the reins of discipline but immerse yourself in your community’s life.

Conclusion

Humans seek approval from others as compensation for low self-esteem; we all have social needs for acceptance and belonging; furthermore, we need to reduce anxiety and lack of self-trust. Personal growth may be isolating and not provide enough external validation, leading to self-esteem and self-worth deficits. The essay suggests that social approval is essential to a fulfilling life and cannot be ignored for one’s social and mental health. An active social life must complement personal change work.

Thanks for reading; I hope you enjoyed it! If you would like to support me, you can do so by joining Medium. Get unlimited access to stories for only $5 a month. To sign up, go here: https://medium.com/@sanfmark/membership