Summary

The article argues that pursuing big goals often necessitates prioritizing them over the pursuit of balance, especially for women who juggle multiple roles.

Abstract

The article "Balance Is Overvalued" suggests that the modern obsession with achieving balance, particularly for women, may be misguided when striving for significant goals. It posits that the constant pressure to balance work, domestic responsibilities, and personal aspirations often leads to guilt and a sense of failure. The author contends that giving up on the elusive quest for balance to focus intensely on one's goals can lead to greater fulfillment and purpose. The article emphasizes that dedicating oneself fully to achieving dreams, even at the cost of personal sacrifice, can result in meaningful accomplishments and a more impactful life.

Opinions

The author believes that the pursuit of balance is a reaction to the increasing pace of modern life and the notifications that constantly bombard us.
Women, in particular, are overloaded with work both inside and outside the home, leading to a greater desire for balance, which the author suggests is often unattainable.
The article criticizes the societal expectation that women must excel in all roles simultaneously, such as being the best mom, wife, and boss, and proposes that it's acceptable to prioritize one goal over another.
The author argues that the time and energy spent seeking balance could be better utilized focusing on one's goals and suggests that this obsessive focus is what leads to notable achievements.
The article highlights that sacrifices, such as spending less time with family or on leisure activities, are necessary to achieve significant goals and that these sacrifices should not induce guilt.
It is mentioned that giving children responsibilities, like doing their own laundry, is beneficial for their development and should not be a source of parental guilt.
The author advocates for a purpose-driven life, asserting that fulfilling one's goals will make the time spent with loved ones more meaningful.
Personal anecdotes are provided to illustrate the author's commitment to their own goals, such as improving writing skills, growing an online business, and learning marketing strategies.
The author encourages readers to obsess over their goals and to give themselves permission to deprioritize balance in favor of achieving their dreams.

Balance Is Overvalued

Especially if you have a big goal to acheive.

Photo by Pineapple Supply Co. on Unsplash

Most people want to be in a state of balance these days. They crave it.

It is one of those buzz words that’s been in the ether for the last decade, a reaction to the world speeding up, becoming more fast-paced and the constant feeling of overwhelm only amplified by notifications buzzing in our faces all day.

Everything seems to be conspiring against us in achieving the ever-elusive “balance.”

We have convinced ourselves that our lives are somehow out of whack or off-center or unsatisfying because we haven’t found balance yet. Or today. Or this week.

This is especially true for women.

The lack of balance we are unable to hold onto usually comes wrapped in guilt.

We tell ourselves there is something wrong with us when we aren’t giving our children enough; enough time or the right kind of time. We believe we are doing something wrong if we prioritize one objective that is important to us over another objective that is equally important to us, usually our children.

Women are still the number one primary caregiver and guess what, even when we outearn our partners, we still do the majority of the household chores.

“Even women with unemployed husbands spend considerably more time on household chores than their spouses. In other words, women’s success in the workplace is penalized at home.”

Women are overloaded with work and domesticity.

We are spread so thin because we do most of the work, in most of the areas, in our lives. We keep it all running.

We tend to be the ones who hold everything together in a family. We pack the lunches, make the pediatrician appointments, take the dog to the vet, leave the instructions for the dog sitter when we take a family vacation, write the instructions, arrange for someone to watch the kids for date night, make sure everyone is taking their vitamins, sign the permission slips for school trips, chaperone school trips, apply to the camps for our kids, pack the kids for camp, and on, and on.

We work inside the home and outside the home. Always pulled in several directions at once. No wonder women crave balance. It sounds lovely.

Men also participate in child-rearing and household chores, still, not nearly as much as women do.

So it’s no wonder women really crave balance.

We read articles on how to achieve it, we read books on balance, attend yoga and meditation classes to achieve balance in the mind, hoping this mindfulness will help us juggle our hectic overscheduled lives and the overscheduled lives of our children.

Balance is hard to get, and even if you get it, it’s fleeting. A constant juggling act just to achieve it. Act, indeed.

But what if you can’t be the best mom and the best wife and the best boss all the once.

Maybe we can’t.

Maybe sometimes it is perfectly OK not to be the best in all areas all of the time.

Maybe is it entirely reasonable for us to prioritize one essential and worthwhile objective over another equally essential and worthwhile objective.

What if for a time; for 6 months, a year, or forever even, or every other week to start, we give up on our yearning for balance, and instead we focus on our goals, the big dreams we have for ourselves. The goals we see as our purpose.

What if we gave up on balance without feeling guilty and focus instead on achieving our goals.

This constant effort to seek balance, this mythical-mostly unattainable goal, leads to a lot of unnecessary and energy-wasting guilt. This struggle for balance takes time and focus away from our real purpose.

Life is messy. It always will be.

To do anything to a high level, it has to be total obsession. — Conor McGregor

Become obsessed with your goals instead.

The most notable achievements have been pursued doggedly by people who were obsessed with those achievements; Maya Angelou, Jeff Bezos, J.K. Rowling, Steve Jobs, Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, to name a few.

People who have achieved their dreams with relentless pursuit have similar stories. They were obsessed with their goals, they didn’t strive for balance. They made personal sacrifices, they persisted with intense dedication and relentless obsessiveness to achieve their objectives.

Big dreams take time, and the more attention you give to those dreams, the faster they are realized.

Taking action towards what you want to achieve is the only way to get there. Taking action every day, day after day, year after year, obsessively. Be obsessed. Let balance take a back seat.

Anything worthwhile that was achieved by anyone, anything that adds meaning to one’s life doesn’t come without some sacrifice. Whether that sacrifice comes in the form of spending less time with friends and family, or watching less TV or cutting down on surfing the internet. Sacrifice is always required.

I’m pretty sure my ten-year-old won’t suffer any long term trauma if she doesn’t get a dinner cooked from scratch one night a week and instead has to make herself an egg and bean burrito for dinner so that I can get one more hour of writing accomplished.

Since I have less time, my daughter is now doing her own laundry. I can’t emphasize enough how good this is for both of us that she is able to do her own laundry. It has given her more confidence and independence. Don’t feel guilty about giving your children responsibility, it is character building.

If you want to achieve something big, something that will make a seismic shift in the quality of your life, then work, attention, and focus are what is required. Balance may have to go.

Working toward that goal and making it a priority will bring fulfillment and purpose to your life, and that is much more valuable than balance.

When you have purposeful driven life then the time you do have with your friends and family will be more significant. Your cup will be full, it will run over and spill onto those you love.

My obsessions: I’m obsessed with becoming a better writer, learning how to market and grow my online business, growing my email list, and making my online business more profitable.

I have a specific and measurable goal of earning a certain amount of money from my online business in the next six months. I have a specific and measurable goal of the amount of money I will make by this time next year, and for the next three years, the next five years, the next ten years.

To become a better writer, I’m taking two writing classes, and most of my day is spent writing, rewriting, and reading books required for those classes.

To become better at marketing, I signed up for another class that will take me over 12 months to complete. I’m obsessed. The more I learn about online businesses and how to monetize them, the more I realize I still have a lot to learn, and this is making me more obsessed with figuring it out and getting it done.

Give yourself permission to underrate balance and instead focus on your goal.

Be obsessed with it. Go all in, pursue one targeted area in your life with relentless vigor without feeling guilty, if you have a big dream you want to achieve, obsess over it, and get it done.

Forgo balance in favor of focus. Pursue your purpose and create the life you want to have instead of striving for balance in the life you have. The struggle to ‘find balance’ will always be there waiting for you once your goal is achieved, and you have manifested your dreams.

Jessica is a writer, an online entrepreneur, and a recovering Type A personality. She lives in Los Angeles with her extrovert daughter, two dogs, and two cats.