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Freebie parrot: don’t get what you don’t pay for!

When my son Douglas was six, he became fixated on parrots, specifically the majestic macaw. Rather than shell out $350 for the low end of the breed, and another sixty bucks for its accoutrements, we would take him to Pets-R-Us for his weekly fix. It was a win-win: no cost to visit; bird securely caged (thus no business “overhead”).

After about six months, a friend of mine, who knew of Doug’s passion for parrots, told me her cousin Sharlene was about to move to a studio apartment and was hoping to find a home for her macaw, Mac.

We went to Sharlene’s house the following day. The macaw was magnificent; vividly yellow-breasted, it had royal blue wings and a moss-colored cap.

Douglas was delighted. I turned to my husband and exclaimed: This creature is stunning, Dick!

At which, Mac let loose with: D!(k! F#(k you! Sonov@b!t(h! (* (k-$u(k@r!

Sharlene sheepishly explained the outburst.

The reason she was moving from her spacious house to a studio apartment was that she was getting divorced.

The reason she was getting divorced was that her husband was cheating.

And the reason Mac said what he had was that D!(k was among the string of epithets she’d spewed at her husband when she found out he was cheating.

To our convenience, we didn’t have to go much out of our way in order to stop at Pets-R-Us en route home.