My First Date
In 48 years
It has been thirteen months since my wife died. I have been suffering different stages of grief for most of that time. Then about three weeks ago, a switch flipped within me. It became apparent that I would keep waking up each morning so I might as well try to join the living once more.
I kind of went crazy. I put my house up for sale this past Friday. It sold Saturday. Yeah, that fast. For 15K more than the list price. Fortunately for me, a neighbor just put her condo up for rent and I jumped on that. I still have no clue what I am doing with the rest of my life. But I figured I would jump on this crazy real estate market while it’s hot.
After a few years of retirement, I was bored out of my mind. I took a job at the local Home Depot until I quit to take care of Nancy. While working there I made new friends. I worked with Lila (not her real name) for two years in the same department. I’d like to think we were friends.
After some time she moved on and I had not seen her for about two years. Then one day recently I came across her working in Wal-Mart and we struck up a conversation. This occurred several times and we exchanged phone numbers so we could have uninterrupted conversations.
Last week another awakening occurred. I found my balls that had been missing for years. Who knew they were still between my legs? I called Lila. The conversation went something like this.
“Hi, Lila.”
“Hey, Joe.”
“I have a huge favor to ask you. Would you be my guinea pig and go out to dinner with me? I haven’t been out since Nancy died I have no idea what might happen when I walk into a restaurant. I may turn right around and leave. But, I am ready to try.”
A moment of silence on the other end. “Sure Joe. I would like that. Let’s just see what happens.”
Three days later was “date night.” I was on an emotional rollercoaster ride all day. I was fearful that I would just fall into grief again. And I was nervous to go on my first date in 48 years.
I picked Lila up at her home. As soon as she gets in the car I start to laugh. “What”, she says with a smile.
“I feel like a sixteen-year-old on a first date,” I say. We both have a good laugh.
Lila is a gabber. The girl can talk. I’m grateful for that at this moment. No pressure on me to act like a person.
We arrive at the restaurant. We enter. I don’t lose it. I am present. In the moment. I breathe. We have a great time and I take her to my place after dinner just so she knows where I live and can pop over when and if she likes.
We had a nice conversation. It was another eye-opening moment for me. How different a first date conversation is at the ages of 69 (me) and 59 than one we would have in our twenties. We’ve already been there, done that. Marriage (she has been divorced for 10 years) kids, and homes.
She told me that her marriage was mostly loveless. I could not imagine how hard it would be to stay in a marriage that long without love. It takes a strong person to persevere in those conditions. I know the children were an obvious factor in her decision to stay.
I told her how I have been fortunate to have been surrounded by love my entire life. And if there is one thing I am good at it is love. That brought a smile to her face.
At our age, we have reached the point where we can be somewhat selfish. Who knows where this will go. If anywhere. At least I am putting my toes into the water of life again. For the first time in years, I am excited to see if I still remember how to swim.
Through all this recent activity the most striking change in me is the immense spiritual enlightenment I have recently had. Living in a state of consciousness that every moment in the day is an opportunity to make someone else’s day a touch brighter. A smile. A good morning. A compliment. And even pets. I walk in the park every day and it seems every dog being walked comes right to me for a pet. It’s awesome. Loving moments to brighten my day.
To all my Medium family. Thank you for all you have done. You have been a very significant part of my healing process. I have no idea where I would be without you. Thank you for taking this journey with me and having my back in the darkest of times. My gratitude is boundless.
May the blessings be.
©2022 Joe Merkle All rights reserved.
Once again I was inspired to write this by a prompt from editor Ravyne Hawke at Know Thyself, Heal Thyself. Thank you for the wonderful job all the editors do for this wonderful publication. Diana C., Spyder, jules.
The Prompt:
So this week, I want to challenge you to ‘write through the pain’ by sharing how you overcome unsurmountable boulders or upstream swims in your creative path. What helps you to return to your creative self? How does this help you physically, mentally, and spiritually?
I am challenging the following writers to ‘write through the pain’. Marcus aka Gregory Maidman, Margie Willis, David Rudder, LM, William J Spirdione, Marianne Irvine, Neera Handa Dr, Galit Birk, PhD, Monoreena Acharjee Majumdar, M.T. Pariti, Amy Christie, Paul Causey, Willow Lovelight, Camille Grady.
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