Awaken Sleeping Beauty

Summary

The author reflects on an internal struggle to reconnect with their spirit and true self amidst chaos, desire, and external influences, ultimately seeking surrender and guidance from within.

Abstract

The text is a deeply introspective piece where the author describes a personal journey of self-mastery and the challenges faced in maintaining control over their life. They express a sense of losing their learned wisdom and grappling with various adversities such as tradition, language, inconsistencies, desire, time, fear, ego, and external voices. The author feels disconnected from their spirit, leading to a sense of being lost and overwhelmed by negative emotions and a lack of direction. They acknowledge the power of love and the struggle to balance it with human limitations. In a moment of surrender, the author calls out to their spirit for guidance, clarity, and strength, expressing a longing for the reunion with their inner truth and the end of internal conflict. The narrative concludes with a sense of relief and gratitude as the author feels their spirit's presence responding to their plea for help.

Opinions

The author views the struggle for self-mastery as a battle, one they have failed before but are determined to win.
They express a desire for control, yet recognize the paradox of being both a slave and a king to their

Awaken Sleeping Beauty

Photo by: unsplash

In this pit, I find myself losing all that I have learned and picked right back up where I left off when my eyes were closed, closed with the stitchings of ignorance. The control that I thought I had regained is in the shape of a stone in which now it sits upon my bosom with deadly venom upon it’s surface seeping into my core. I have recoiled on my mission/ the mission of mastery of self.

I dare not lose this battle that I have failed ungracefully before. Although a true warrior doesn’t need a sword, I would be an utter liar if I said that I do not wish to pick it up.

I fight tradition, energies near and far, language, inconsistencies, desire, time, fear, ego, and voices but amongst them all fighting myself is an endless battle that destroys and consumes me. The corridor of my heart beats with unfathomable pain drenched with sorrow and hopelessness.

My heart beats like the hunger of a rabid dog pounding until it begs for death, I know longer control this shallow breathing. I have a hard time believing that I am truly alive. If only I could get back what I have lost/ my treasure/ my truth. For I know very well that in moments of chaos the mind forgets what it has learned. I am unsure of how I should move or when. I am lead by my emotions which tends to destroy me.

I am a slave and a king at the same time unbalanced in every way. I have failed to live in the center of it all. I desire love when I possess the truest love all but unable to attain it because I am living only in mind and heart. I look for it’s security and subtle gazes and warmth. I look for the sexual pleasure that it brings. How frustrated I am? I am haunted by ghosts that I have closed myself off to/ now it resurfaces with tremendous revenge. I don’t know who I am anymore, even my hair doesn’t recognize it’s owner. My personality fluctuates and my desires blow fiercely in the wind. I am aware that I am part human and that love is my truest desire, but help me to control the power that comes from it for it is too much for a mere human to contain or should I allow it to be free. I am not certain of anything anymore.

I am a bird without a song, a gem without clarity. I am a heart that doesn’t knows it’s function

I am more disconnected than ever to the limitless power of my spirit. I am lost. The energies around me exhausts me leaving me with insufficient clarity. I feel the old version of myself rising like only a Phoenix does with eyes and formation of destruction. I have been blocked off from the dialect that flows within me in which belongs to my spirit; and therefore my imagination has escape my grasp. It has abandoned me. I am a walking zombie living off a baron land starving for the amber I have misplaced along this place I once called home, amongst my family. The turbulence of the world has shaken me leading me to unwanted side effects and torment.

Spirit, if you are listening show me the way back to you for I am losing. I need your power, your clarity that only you hold pertaining to truth. I have won many feats with you without lifting a finger because I knew just how capable and steady your hands were. I need your vibrations that kept my heart beating alone the same frequency as yours, and I need your warmth for security and rest. Course within me with a surge that never degrades or flickers. Penetrate my heart and soul with authority and leadership. Bring your light to shine on the things that I cannot see and your darkness to destroy the things that are not true.

I have pondered on your return and tried on my own to make you reappear, but I have not been successful not even close. After reading many of my writings, they brought me closer to you, I am convinced that my surrender is enough. I release it all so that I can give you the proper space that you deserve. Take over as you have many times before but this time keep me forever. Never let my heart roam in disparity leaving me unsure of where I should walk, and never again allow trickery to entice my desires or energies to suffocate my truth ever again.

I felt your heartbeat beating in my bosom as I closed the last paragraph !!!! I am in awe how quickly you responded, I thought it would take forever!! Thank you for showing me the way my friend. The way that only surrendering will lead you to. Now, let me rest in your blanket of security forever for I grow tired of fighting with a dull blade that doesn’t penetrate anything!! Strengthen me in my rest for I rely totally and utterly on you.

My dear friend dwell forever within me