Avoid These 5 Breeds if You Don’t Want to be Your Dog’s Homely Friend

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dump. Think of her as Charlize Theron and you as the serial killer Charlize Theron was supposed to look like.2) American Staffordshire Terrier — Powerful, focused, and with muscle definition to spare, this dog has her shit together. If she were a person, she would only hang out with you as some sort of mentoring program or because your moms are friends. Have more respect for yourself than to become her project.3) Greyhound — Yet another breed with an ancient and noble heritage, the greyhound is most well-known for her racing abilities. She’s the canine version of an Athletica model. Not only will you fall far behind this graceful athlete on a run, you will look like a bald, clumsy opossum doing it.4) St. Bernard — She’s a gorgeous, curvy girl who doesn’t give a damn if you can see her obliques. Why? Beca

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use she’s literally saving lives. Does it seem like a good use of her time to spend the afternoon playing fetch and listening to your nonsense about your sister’s baby shower? For both of your sakes, please don’t.5) Bichon Frise — A favorite among European aristocrats in the Middle Ages, Bichons are now popular family pets due to their sweet dispositions and hypoallergenic coats. Ask yourself this: if she’s the cute, fun one, what are you? A dog this adorable will only make you look desperate for attention. “Look at me! I got a dog instead of a personality.”Every year, millions of healthy, adoptable dogs are euthanized. Somewhere, in a shelter right now, there’s a three-legged pit mix with a chronic skin condition and reactivity to chairs that will make you look like the hot bitch you are. Go get her!</article></body>

Avoid These 5 Breeds if You Don’t Want to be Your Dog’s Homely Friend

Even in this age of body positivity and acceptance, when you’re with an actual dog, you’d probably like to be the “pretty one.” With that in mind, here are five dog breeds to avoid.

1) Afghan Hound — Known for its elegant, silky coat and long legs, these hunting companions were status symbols for royalty across Asia. Be forewarned, if you try to walk this regal supermodel, you will look like a frumpy dump. Think of her as Charlize Theron and you as the serial killer Charlize Theron was supposed to look like.

2) American Staffordshire Terrier — Powerful, focused, and with muscle definition to spare, this dog has her shit together. If she were a person, she would only hang out with you as some sort of mentoring program or because your moms are friends. Have more respect for yourself than to become her project.

3) Greyhound — Yet another breed with an ancient and noble heritage, the greyhound is most well-known for her racing abilities. She’s the canine version of an Athletica model. Not only will you fall far behind this graceful athlete on a run, you will look like a bald, clumsy opossum doing it.

4) St. Bernard — She’s a gorgeous, curvy girl who doesn’t give a damn if you can see her obliques. Why? Because she’s literally saving lives. Does it seem like a good use of her time to spend the afternoon playing fetch and listening to your nonsense about your sister’s baby shower? For both of your sakes, please don’t.

5) Bichon Frise — A favorite among European aristocrats in the Middle Ages, Bichons are now popular family pets due to their sweet dispositions and hypoallergenic coats. Ask yourself this: if she’s the cute, fun one, what are you? A dog this adorable will only make you look desperate for attention. “Look at me! I got a dog instead of a personality.”

Every year, millions of healthy, adoptable dogs are euthanized. Somewhere, in a shelter right now, there’s a three-legged pit mix with a chronic skin condition and reactivity to chairs that will make you look like the hot bitch you are. Go get her!