Authenticity is the cure to Co-Dependency
7 Ways to be more authentic and break out of this unfulfilling cycle
The term codependency has been around for decades. It originally applied to spouses of alcoholics and drug addicts. Codependency is usually rooted in adverse childhood experiences. For example, children may take on inappropriate emotional/household responsibilities in order to survive a traumatic upbringing, which causes the child to neglect their needs for the sake of someone else’s. If you were raised in a dysfunctional family or had an ill parent, you’re likely codependent.
There are 5 main factors in childhood that can cause the illness of codependency to develop:
- Lack of love and nurture
- Rejection and abandonment
- Family addiction
- Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse
- Mental or physical illness
Codependency is a circular relationship in which one person needs the other person, who in turn, needs to be needed. The codependent person, known as “the giver”, feels worthless unless they are needed by — and making sacrifices for — the enabler, otherwise known as “the taker”. Instead of being authentic, we then control, criticize, blame, deny, withdraw, and attack. Codependency takes on many different forms. It’s an addiction to control, approval, and validation. The high comes from feeling useful, being complimented, and feeling needed.
Signs of codependency include:
- Difficulty identifying your feelings
- Difficulty communicating in a relationship
- Valuing the approval of others more than valuing yourself
- Lacking trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem
- Having fears of abandonment or an obsessive need for approval
- Having an unhealthy dependence on relationships, even at your own cost
- Having an exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
“Codependency is using a relationship to fill a bottomless void in your life. It’s not the need to be loved but the inability to practice self-love is what causes a person to be codependent.” Graham R. White
Authenticity is the opposite of shame. And shame creates almost all codependency symptoms — including hiding who we are, sacrificing our needs, and saying yes when we shouldn’t — just to be accepted. There is no shortcut to authenticity. It requires commitment and real inner work. I dove deeply into my emotional mess and started feeling the pain I had repressed, but it was worth it and it feels freeing to start this journey of healing.
Ways to be more authentic:
1. Speaking your opinions honestly in a healthy way.
2. Making decisions that align with your values and beliefs.
3. Pursuing your passions.
4. Listening to the inner voice guiding you forward.
5. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open-hearted.
6. Setting boundaries and walking away from toxic situations.
7. Accept yourself and forget about approval.
Each move we make toward authenticity risks exposure, criticism, and rejection, but facing those risks also allows us to be real. Rejection and loss hurt, but paradoxically, risking vulnerability makes us feel safer in the long run. Healing our shame, building self-esteem, learning autonomy, and setting boundaries will make us feel more secure.
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