Australian Table Wine

A nod to Monty Python

The British comedy troupe Monty Python released their third LP record in 1972 — titled Monty Python’s Previous Record. It contains a handful of my favorite Monty skits: The Argument Clinic, Fish Licence, Money Song, Eric the Half-a-Bee, and Australian Table Wine.

In the 1970s, Australian wines were… yes… laughable. Quite literally. When Eric Idle described ‘Perth Pink’ as a wine for lying down and avoiding — he was not kidding.

Fast forward fifty years and Australia is now one of the world’s largest wine exporters and has become known for its fresh, fruit-driven, easy-to-drink, modern wines of consistent quality and value.

Blame them or praise them, they invented the screw-cap bottle cap and wine casks. They turned their noses to the old stuffy, pretentious Old World snobs and made wine fun. They have gone from ‘Chateau Chunder’, to the Wonders from Down Under. (source)

So I recently listened to Monty Python’s bit on Australian Table Wine and had a good laugh. Considering that the piece is five decades old, it still holds up and can put a smile on your face.

When I was first introduced to Monty I was a new immigrant with minimal English language skills, so the British accent coupled with unknown idioms made it challenging for me. What does “cognoscenti” mean? Ooph…

Well, have a peek.

DISCLAIMER: This is a transcript from a sketch by Monty Python, which was only released on vinyl. It is not intended to offend the Australian Wino Society, the Sydney Bridge Club, the legions of fans of Nuit San Wogga Wogga, or anyone’s armpits.

“A lot of people in this country pooh-pooh Australian table wines. This is a pity, as many fine Australian wines appeal not only to the Australian palette, but also to the cognoscenti of Great Britain.

‘Black Stump Bordeaux’ is rightly praised as a peppermint flavoured Burgundy, whilst a good ‘Sydney Syrup’ can rank with any of the world’s best sugary wines.

‘Chateau Bleu’, too, has won many prizes; not least for its taste, and its lingering afterburn.

‘Old Smokey, 1968’ has been compared favorably to a Welsh claret, whilst the Australian Wino Society thoroughly recommends a 1970 ‘Coq du Rod Laver’, which, believe me, has a kick on it like a mule: 8 bottles of this, and you’re really finished — at the opening of the Sydney Bridge Club, they were fishing them out of the main sewers every half an hour.

Of the sparkling wines, the most famous is ‘Perth Pink’. This is a bottle with a message in it, and the message is BEWARE! This is not a wine for drinking — this is a wine for laying down and avoiding.

Another good fighting wine is ‘Melbourne Old-and-Yellow’, which is particularly heavy, and should be used only for hand-to-hand combat.

Quite the reverse is true of ‘Chateau Chunder’, which is an Appalachian controle, specially grown for those keen on regurgitation — a fine wine which really opens up the sluices at both ends.

Real emetic fans will also go for a ‘Hobart Muddy’, and a prize-winning ‘Cuiver Reserve Chateau Bottled Nuit San Wogga Wogga’, which has a bouquet like an aborigine’s armpit.”

I live not far from the Okanagan Valley which Huffington Post named the Top Wine Destination in the World, (source) so I drink fewer Australian wines nowadays, but I have no bad words to say about their products. It’s been a while since I had a taste of Nuit San Wogga Wogga. I kinda miss it.