Attention or Control

There’s a world of difference

Let’s bandy two words awhile: attention and control.

Attention means to concentrate. To attend. To be present. Be alert.

Control means to be in charge. To exercise authority. To manage.

In his book, Stillness is the Key, Ryan Holiday quotes the archery master Awa Kenzo speaking to his students:

What stands in your way is that you have too much willful will.

Expanding on this, Holiday wrote:

What we need in life, in the arts, in sports, is to loosen up, to become flexible, to get to a place where there is nothing in our way — including our own obsessions with certain outcomes.

In other words, let go of our obsessive need to control things in our life.

Trying to control things is tiring.

And, when you’re honest, what do you really have control of? Your car? Your career? Your children? Let’s take a look.

YOUR CAR

You can buy it brand new, get it serviced on time, run it through the Foam & Polish drive-through on a regular basis and religiously rotate the radial tyres. But someone can run into it, steal it or spill milk on its prized fabric upholstery. How much control do you really have? Some. Not a lot. Never complete control.

YOUR CAREER

Your position description may include a term like “control of finances”. But governments change funding rules. Economic downturns affect product pricing. Crashes on Wall Street may send your company reeling. How much control do you really have? Some. Not a lot. Never complete control.

YOUR CHILDREN

The more you try to control a child the less control you have. I know. I had five. After the third one, the elusive concept of control went out the window, along with frustration, anger and endless confrontation.

Kahlil Gibran:

Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

As parents, teachers and coaches, thinking we have control of children is an illusion.

So, in regard to your car, career and children (and anything else you’ve been tiring yourself out trying to control), the best approach to these responsibilities is to simply pay them attention.

What’s the fundamental difference between control and attention?

Control makes you tight and tired. Control locks you into specific outcomes that may not happen, which makes you unhappy.

Attention produces a state of alert, curious focus. Attention allows you to hear a faint, peculiar clunking sound coming from the motor. Attention reveals financial patterns or opportunities you’d be blind to otherwise. Attention opens your eyes to the wonder of life reflected in yourself and your child.

Living with mindfuless

Is your desire for control getting in your way? Is it making you tight and tired?

The solution is to drop control and switch to attention.

Paying attention sets you free, and opens you up to true intelligence.

This article may seem like musings or a presentation of endlessly debatable points, but if it makes you pause a moment to consider how you live, it’s done its work.

Want to be a writer for ILLUMINATION?

Some paths you have to travel alone, with full attention. Read a poem by Chrissie Morris Brady.

With love, Marlane

Thanks for reading! I hope it helps you for the rest of your life. For more articles on Mindfulness, visit me at https://www.marlaneainsworth.com