Attention Humans! Top 3 Steps You Can Take Now To Successfully Screw Up Your Life.

Guaranteed Results!

Attention humans! Top 3 steps you can take now to successfully screw up your life.

Dear fellow humans. I want to make it clear that I have personally tested all of these methods and I can promise you that if you follow the steps below you will be successful as a loser, a huge failure and you will totally screw up your life. Guaranteed success!

Be warned, this is not an easy route and it does take practice and persistence but you will accomplish your mission, should you choose to accept it! (sorry couldn’t resist that one).

I know you are eager to get going on your path to success so let’s get started.

Step 1: Always compare yourself to others.

This is absolutely essential if you want to maintain your negative feelings towards yourself and fellow humans.

You must hold on dearly to your status as a loser and a victim of circumstance. Never ever question your status. Be strong, be committed, never change and never stop the comparisons.

Use social media to make sure you always have a huge supply of other humans who you barely know to compare yourself with or do what I do and compare yourself to your more successful friends.

Only last night I was having dinner with a few friends, they all had their own property or a substantial amount of money with which to buy one. It made me feel a little uncomfortable because I wasn’t in their league.

I felt really awkward during some parts of the conversation because I couldn’t join in and talk about my property or my plans to buy a property. It bugged me for the whole of the evening.

The resentment built nicely throughout the evening and by the time I went to my nice comfortable bed, in my safe, clean apartment I had a really bad attitude. I was truly feeling sorry for myself but I was secure in the knowledge that my life was terrible and I was a huge failure.

I was really consumed by the fact that I didn’t have the same financial assets as they did. I knew deep down this made me a huge failure because everyone knows you must own a property and have a lot of money in order to call yourself a success.

The next morning, I reviewed the night out. I fixated on the main negative point which was that they had more than me financially. By doing this I was able to reconfirm my status as a loser.

If I had followed the advice given in The 12 Rules for Life, by best-selling author, psychotherapist, and sensible man Jordan Peterson I would have made some big mistakes like just comparing myself to myself.

I would have asked the question:

Am I a better version of myself to say yesterday, last week, last year?

If I had asked that question I would have been forced to answer YES!

I00% I have made big improvements in my life.

This question would have completely challenged my beliefs and I would have been forced to entertain the possibility that in some areas of my life I was a success.

In turn, this may have forced me to focus on the many positive aspects of the evening, such as the beautiful souls I was with and the wonderful friendship they gave me. Or the stunning location I was in as I sat drinking cool spring water in a stylish restaurant in a peaceful country where I watched the sun go down over the sea. Or the fact that although I didn’t have megabucks, I could in fact afford anything on the menu.

You get the picture.

Thankfully, I didn’t ask that question and so there was no need for me to show any gratitude or appreciation for any of the many wonderful things that had come my way.

I also deliberately chose to ignore that stupid old saying, you might know the one, something about you being the same as the company you keep so be careful how you choose your friends. Clearly, I was not the same as my friends because I didn’t have their financial assets.

By comparing myself to just one aspect of their lives which related to finance I was able to successfully maintain my negative frame of mind and my sense of lack mentality.

I revelled in this negativity and I felt really angry and upset like a six year old who feels the world has ended when he is refused sweets.

I deliberately chose to exclude any other comparisons. For example, two of my friends have serious health conditions that badly affect the quality of their life. I on the other hand have super health and fitness but I chose to ignore this and instead focused on what society has correctly conditioned me to believe, which is: Money Is The Only True Measure Of Success.

This brings me very neatly to step number two.

Step 2: Don’t ask yourself questions!!!!

This is a really vital step. Do not try to skip over it!

It’s really dangerous to ask yourself anything that might;

• Make you think.
• Lead you to change a bad habit or
• Cause you to challenge any of your conditioned responses or ingrained beliefs.

There is a lot of information available today and some of it can be really useful when used to aid personal growth. Personal growth requires a big investment of time and effort which ultimately leads you to a shift in mindset which may ultimately sabotage your success as a failure.

It is often brought about by asking challenging, uncomfortable questions about one’s life.

This is a really bad idea if you are to maintain your successful loser status. You really need to be in your comfort zone and blissfully ignorant about your potential and capabilities at all times.

I know, you are human just like me and you may get tempted to try a question or two, it’s only natural.

If you are tempted to ask yourself questions about your life then make sure they are ‘Why’ questions. This type of question is completely safe and will not encourage any personal growth.

Why questions such as, Why is my life so crap? Why do they have more money than me? are guaranteed to keep you on the hamsters wheel and completely stuck in your present situation.

If you’re lucky you can spend days, weeks, months or even years reviewing all the crap things that have ever happened to you. You will never have to take any action but you will feel bad for a long time.

Fortunately for me, after my disastrous night out I did ask myself a why question.

Why don’t I have megabucks?

My helpful mind then gave me a whole list of reasons for me to brood over which all reconfirmed my status as a loser and a failure. Including the fact that I had recently lost money on an online scam. This was indeed a very unfortunate, unlucky event.

I chose to ignore the fact that my friend recently had her purse stolen. She had lost the money in her purse, had money taken out of her bank account and her card had been used for online purchases plus she had the hassle of cancelling cards and trying to recover her money etc. etc.

If I had thought about that I would have been forced to conclude that shit happens, even to humans with money.

To be really clear you should never ever ask ‘How to’ questions, such as;

How can I improve my finances?

These types of questions actually engage your brain in a positive way and cause it to think. You might then notice opportunities like writing on Vocal as a way to earn money.

The results could be terrible and you could end up escaping your negative situation and making an improvement in your life.

And we don’t want that do we?

Step 3: Addictions

Wake up humans! You cannot be a successful failure without an addiction.

Now you can take one of the big 5 addictions such as alcohol, tobacco, drugs, sex & food or you can go for one of the really powerful secret addictions which I talk about in my article 4 Addictions That Are Ruining Your Life (Hint, It’s Not Netflix!).

The only addiction I haven’t tried is that of drugs because after all my body is a temple and I just don’t know what they put in these drugs. Whereas alcohol is completely different. I know that it is a poison and I know who makes it and the government says it’s ok for me to buy it, so that’s totally fine.

The real benefit of addictions is they prevent you from having to do something with your life. You don’t have to create a life or think too deeply because the addiction takes that responsibility away from you. Instead of having to think you just react to your bodily needs.

When your body wants a smoke, you smoke.

When your body wants a drink, you drink.

When your body wants drugs, you do drugs.

When your body wants food, you eat food.

When your body wants sex, you have sex.

There is absolutely no thinking involved. I want, I get. That’s it.

Ok. To be fair if you’re broke or doing illegal drugs you may have to think about how you can get it but that’s limited thinking. It’s very focused and detailed thinking and it will ensure you spend all of your time fully occupied with your addiction.

The Secret Addictions that I talk about in my article are very effective particularly when used with one of the big five.

When you don’t have one of these addictions you will find that you have hours of time to fill in and nothing to fill them with.

I recently made the mistake of giving up alcohol. I had tried to cut down and I had tried to stop a couple of times in the past but I had never been successful. I had always craved a drink and given up after a few minutes, hours, days or weeks.

I had absolutely no reason to believe things would be different this time around. I genuinely believed I was heading for another successful failure.

However, this time something was different.

I’m not sure what went wrong but it was terrible.

It’s possible that I could have been influenced by a self help book called “This Naked Mind.” It is written by Annie Grace who was a high functioning alcoholic. I found it a really interesting and entertaining book which is possibly why I didn’t notice how it was subtly influencing me to give up alcohol.

This is also something you need to watch out for. Some self help books written by experts have been known to cause people to give up their addictions. So be careful, do try to avoid them.

As for me, I didn’t suffer from any withdrawal symptoms and I didn’t have any cravings. What I did have was an abundance of time on my hands and nothing to fill it with.

It was horrible. My brain was forced to come out of retirement and I found myself in a completely alien situation which was way outside my comfort zone.

Fortunately, two months in and I realised it wasn’t the alcohol that was the source of all my problems it was me. Before I was a failure who drank and now I was a failure who didn’t drink. Thankfully, the situation is normal again.

Well I hope my guide has been helpful to you. If you got this far well done!

Warning: There are some affiliate links included in the article. I advise you not to click on them if you want to continue being a failure.

Feel free to drop me a line or comment below.

I am open to collaboration and new projects.

Caryn Leach-Smith

Leading English coach, Mentor Trainer to Top Legal Professionals & Influential Lawyers Whose Second Language is English.