Spirituality/Life Lessons
Attachment Is The Great Fabricator Of All Illusions
“Detachment is not giving up the things in this world, but accepting the fact and to be continuously aware that nothing is permanent.” Aditya Ajmera
“If your bucket didn’t fetch any water from the well, don’t hurry to declare that the well is dry. Maybe there is a hole in your bucket. We often come across such characters who just can’t see their fault. Just pray for them and detach.” Shunya
It is erroneous to think that detachment is about external things, No, it is more about paradoxes in life. If we have less clutter, we have time for essential issues of life. Detachment is not also NOT engaging with family friends, career pursuits, social engagements, love and other important relationships in our lives. Indeed it is while engaging with all these that we learn the spirit of detachment. These engagements present real-life situations that decide how we want to navigate the solutions to give us that inner peace and calm.
Detachment also is NOT about being indifferent to issues of life. However, using the calm of the spirit to direct how we will handle the situation with integrity and grace.
“For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business.” T. S. Elliot.
Five Stages Of Detachment
We already said that the detachment principle comes in when we are confronted with our day to day engagements with issues of life. It is not easily needed when things are going on smoothly for us, but we are confronted with how to stay positive and calm without bitterness, anger, and greed in a moment of loss and unpleasantness.
1. Acknowledgement
There is nothing wrong with being ambitious, wanting to enjoy a life of luxury, achieving a little bit more in our career or businesses. These are gifts that people are bestowed with. The problem is that sense of wanting sometimes give us anxiety, especially when we fail to achieve what we want. It is a natural feeling, say there is a break-up in a relationship or when we miss a promotion. Allow yourself to grieve, cry if you have to, there is nothing wrong with that. Recognise your human nature to want all these luxuries in life, it is perfectly normal. You are not doing anything wrong.
2. Self-Assessment
What happens if we do not achieve what we want? This is where you need to assess your mind how not achieving have affected you, especially in the long run. Yes, you now realise that ‘’Aaron’’ is not going to be your future husband, the relationship is not moving anywhere, the promotion has been missed, despite your effort, and so on and so forth. How do you now handle all these?
Your self-assessment will guide you to critically examine yourself, recognise reality in all the failures, accept your shortcomings as well as your positive skills, and then pray for guidance and healing. The energy in your genuinely asking for help will allow you to stand aloof to see the reality of the situation. Suddenly you now come to realise that Aaron is not the type you want to spend the rest of your life with. It is not that straightforward for everyone. Some might need to meditate and go into inner self-assessment to get to the answer, but it will come because those who ask, receive.
3. Processing The Response
In this stage, there is an awareness of the lessons in what you have just gone through. It comes out so vividly that you wonder why you have not noticed before, and you are filled with gratitude. You are filled up with new enthusiasm, new hope for a better future, enough to want to make you a lot happier. How many times have we been grateful that a situation did not work out after we have now seen it with a clearer mind? Yes, this is the stage of processing the response.
4. Creative Action
In this stage, we are filled with the enthusiasm of wanting to try something new or develop our skills to further what has not worked in the first instance. It is not that bad after all, we say to ourselves. We can always do it better. In creative action, we have gone past the negativity, past the paralysis that fear creates, past wanting to prove to people that we are not in control. No, we have built up the confidence we need to forge ahead. Ideas upon ideas are thrown at us to help us move forward with grace.
5. Feel The Freedom
You can only feel the freedom when your non-achievement do not interfere with how you live your normal life. You perfectly understand what is going on, you are grateful for the experience, and are willing to learn and take up the lessons.
An example of true freedom is found in the Westly Covenant prayer:
I am no longer my own, but Thine. Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt. Put me to doing, put me to suffering. Let me be employed for thee or laid aside for thee, exalted for thee or brought low for thee.
Let me be full, let me be empty. Let me have all things, let me have nothing. I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal. And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, thou art mine, and I am Thine.
The Takeaways
‘’Desire, fear, and hopelessness are deeply embedded in our psyches, and we feel their pull whenever any remnant of attachment exists.’’ Sally Kempton
If we don’t learn and accept detachment, we are in bondage, so to speak.
“Remain in the world, act in the world, do whatsoever is needful, and yet remain transcendental, aloof, detached, a lotus flower in the pond.” Osho.
The practice of offering all your desires can help you tremendously in learning detachment. Daily in gratitude and prayer, offer your wants and desires to the throne of Grace. ‘’Lord, take control of all my wants and desire and filter them according to your love. You only know what is best for me.’’ Amen. Here, in your daily offering, you can mention what particularly bothers you at that time.
“Manifest plainness, Embrace simplicity, Reduce selfishness, Have few desires.” Lao Tzu
