Summary

The author expresses frustration with a meal delivery service that failed to deliver due to weather conditions, leading to a humorous yet critical reflection on customer service and the use of language in a customer support chat.

Abstract

The author recounts their experience with a delayed meal box delivery following a snowstorm. Despite the author and their family's efforts to clear snow, the delivery service did not meet expectations. Attempts to contact the company by phone were met with an automated message indicating high call volume and a suggestion to use online chat. The subsequent chat with a customer service representative, named Rae, was fraught with long wait times and a misuse of the term "increment weather delays" instead of "inclement weather delays." The author uses humor and sarcasm to critique the company's handling of the situation, emphasizing their dissatisfaction with the service and the importance of proper communication.

Opinions

The author is dissatisfied with the meal delivery service's response to weather-related delivery delays.
The customer service phone line's closure due to high call volume is seen as an unacceptable business practice.
The author is critical of the long wait times experienced during the online chat support.
The misuse of the term "increment weather delays" by the customer service representative is ridiculed.
The author believes that the company should have anticipated and prepared for the weather conditions to ensure timely delivery.
The author suggests that poor customer service may lead them to voice their complaints on social media platforms like Twitter.
The author values proper grammar and communication, viewing it as a basic expectation in customer service interactions.

I’M NOT BUYING YOUR BULLSHIT

At What Point Do You Admit To Just Being Fucking Lazy?

Due to “increment weather delays” my ass

Hey. I know it snowed. I fucking shoveled. My husband shoveled. Our son shoveled. Then we all fucking shoveled again.

Look at me in front of our shoveled snowbank. It was lots.

I know it’s blurry. My husband wasn’t wearing his glasses when he took the pic and he thought it looked pretty good.

Stop judging. You’ll understand when you get old. The point is… lots of fucking snow.

More than Toronto has had in, like, forever.

So when I called to inquire, I was not expecting a delivery miracle, but I was expecting you to fucking own up to your lazy-ass self.

I get two meal boxes delivered every second week because I’m lazy.

And, I’m not afraid to admit it! In fact, it was easy to admit. It was the least lazy thing I’ve done in two years — admit that I’m a lazy dinner prepper.

I don’t want to decide what’s for dinner. I will make it and eat it, but I don’t want to think about it and plan for it at the grocery store. I order a couple of boxes every second week and they are my favorite dinners of the week.

Judge me. Not caring.

I missed my lazy dinner this week because a full 24-hours after the snow stopped, the meal box people had still not shown up.

I attempted to contact the meal box people. I tried by phone because I’m a relic. After the fucking intro in French you couldn’t skip, they told me in English that they had too many calls so they shut down their phones.

Oh, hell they didn’t! Shutting off your phone because you just can’t deal with paying customers is not an actual option. I spent four years in business school and didn’t learn this fucking tactic because it doesn’t exist.

After I looked at my dead phone with abject horror, I registered that the fuckers suggested I use their online chat feature.

I began at 11.23 a.m. EST

At 12.19 p.m. EST, I got my first message. I had refreshed the window for nearly an hour during which time I did yoga, had a chai tea, and meditated.

Of course, I didn’t do any of those things. I got angry!

Follow along.

TW: Have a rubbish bin handy if you’re the squeamish type because the following cheerful as fuck message is hard to take.

Hi there! Thank you for contacting us at ********, my name is Rae (like sunshine) and it will be my pleasure to try and brighten your day Kristine

I warned you.

Can you tell how brightened I am? I’m my own fucking ball of fire over here, melting the snow I’m so sunshine-y.

Please watch this gratuitous clip of my dog while I spend time skipping and singing “You are my Sunshine, My only Sunshine.”

Now that we have established how Rae made me a spark of delight in my otherwise festering life of nothingness, let’s review the conversation I had with her that was intended to brighten my day.

Screenshot from my ‘chat’ with Rachel (Using Greenwich Mean Time does not make you stealth, btw!)

How’d she do? I’ll tell you how, by using grammar. Grammar is my secret weapon and the only sharp object my family will allow me to have access to without supervision.

Do you know that an increment weather delay is probably pretty lame?

If it’s incremental, then you see it coming. Like when you feel that zit starting under the skin and you wait for it for days until you get that moment you can really dig in and make it pop.

Like that.

Or when you gently stroke your chin during a one-hour chat window and, while you plot revenge, you feel new whiskers.

Like that!

I digress.

Did you mean Inclement Weather Delay? Likely, that is a bit closer to your goal of saying my food was delayed due to inclement weather. But even inclement weather delay is wrong.

An inclement weather delay would mean that the dreaded inclement weather was delayed, which would mean, GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS and get me my meal before the weather gets inclemental-y. Not three days later.

Fuckers.

Scooby’s got a potty mouth. I don’t know where he picked that up.

To sum up: I have yet another day where I have to decide on what is for dinner or I wait until 9 p.m. which is bedtime for us coots. I’m toggling between pizza delivery and chicken sandwich delivery. Neither seems to be delayed by the snow that is no longer on the roads.

Interesting.

If you’ve got a better idea, keep it to yourself. You might need it in case of increment weather.

Grammar lesson complete.

And the moral of the story is… Bring me my food or I take it to Twitter.

I used three different swears above the image. New record and a new challenge.

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