At Five Months Sober, Living in Gratitude
Keeping it is where the real work begins.
Several weeks ago, I was driving to the store when I got a text from one of my daughters. I took a quick glance at it. Then I pulled over to the side of the road.
“Hey dad?” it started. “I’m really proud of you for quitting drinking.”
My daughter went on to say that I was doing so well and they wanted to let me know that it hadn’t gone unnoticed.
I started crying right there on the shoulder of the road. My kids have always been loving and affectionate people. But this was another level. It brought home for me, in a concrete way, that I’d made the right decision to give up booze.
I’m lucky — I don’t feel like keeping my sobriety is a struggle. It feels like a fact of life. But I know that could change in an instant. It’s why I cherish messages like this one from my daughter. And it’s why I’m using them to maintain an attitude of gratitude as I work towards my first full half-year.
Keeping a Photo Album of Love
Remaining in gratitude is fundamental to my sobriety.
Gratitude gets a bad rap these days. Wannabe self-help gurus push it as a feel-good miracle cure for everything that ails us.
I’ll be the first to admit that a practice of gratitude has its limits. It’s not a cure for chronic depression. It won’t miraculously buoy your spirits when you’re processing a life tragedy.
That said, I know part of why I fell so deep into drinking was because I took what I had for granted. I fixated on my life’s perceived shortcomings rather than counting my blessings. Staying sober requires fixing what I can while cherishing what I have. Remaining in gratitude is fundamental to my sobriety.
But how does one do that? A lot of people recommend a daily “gratitude practice” — writing or speaking out loud about what you’re grateful for. Sadly, I haven’t been disciplined enough to pull that off. But I found an idea on Twitter recently that I really liked. The author, Kevin Jay Stanton, recommended keeping screenshots of every nice thing anyone’s ever said to you:
I’d taken some such screenshots. I’d snapped a pic of that text from my daughter. I also had a small collection of loving texts that my partner had sent me. After reading this message, I collected them all in a Gratitude folder. Any future message of praise I get is going there as well. It’s a great way, at a glance, to remind myself of how many people love and support me.
Vacuuming the Floors to Stay Sober
These days I’m also trying to show gratitude, not just to my loved ones, but to my living space as well.
When I was drinking, I wasn’t always diligent about housework. Yes, I kept my space…reasonably tidy. But there was much more I could have done. I didn’t always keep my kitchen cabinets clean, wash my hardwoods, or ensure my carpets were vacuumed in a timely manner.
It’s easy to take our living spaces for granted. We see the same four walls day in and day out. But having a warm shelter is a blessing. A lot of people around the world long for one. I could lose mine in the blink of an eye. I should be grateful for it while I have it.
I show gratitude for my space by keeping it in order. Thanks to working from home due to the pandemic, this has been easier to do than ever. Between meetings, I often take breaks to throw in a load of laundry or do the dishes. And I set aside at least two hours every weekend to do a thorough apartment cleaning.
Mundane? Maybe. But experts remind us that establishing mundane routines is critical to sobriety.
Final Thoughts
I know that gratitude alone won’t keep me sober. Some days, it’ll be hard to be grateful about anything. And some days, I’ll find myself fighting the temptation to drink. Positivity and sunshine can only do so much.
But gratitude still helps. It reminds me of all the good things I have in my life. It keeps me connected to the people, possessions, and achievements that bring me joy.
And it reminds me of what I have to lose.
