Summary

The article discusses the typical behavior of a covert narcissist, particularly their expectation for others to read their minds and the manipulative tactic of claiming someone should have known their thoughts or feelings.

Abstract

The article, titled "#AskAnne Is it Typical for a Covert Narcissist to Think People Should Be Able To Read Minds?" addresses a reader's question about the behavior of covert narcissists in relationships. It explains that it is indeed common for covert narcissists to expect mind reading from others, a manipulative tactic that shifts power dynamics and absolves them of responsibility. The article describes how narcissists may use silent treatment, grey rocking, and outbursts to manipulate, followed by the assertion that the other person should have known what they were thinking or feeling. The author emphasizes that healthy relationships rely on open communication, trust, and respect, not mind reading, and warns against enabling such behavior by pandering to narcissistic tantrums. The article concludes by encouraging readers to recognize this behavior and seek help if needed, offering support for those moving forward from narcissistic abuse.

Opinions

The author believes that expecting others to read their minds is a manipulative tactic used by covert narcissists to maintain power and avoid responsibility.
The silent treatment and grey rocking are seen as cowardly ways to avoid difficult conversations and are considered manipulative and calculated behaviors.
The author suggests that the phrase "you should have known" is a narcissistic tactic to gaslight and make the other person feel at fault or crazy.
Healthy relationships are contrasted with the described behaviors, emphasizing the importance of trust, respect, and open communication over mind reading.
The author expresses disappointment in the treatment of the reader by the narcissist in their life and cautions against enabling such behavior through apologies or pandering to tantrums.
The article encourages self-awareness and recognition of narcissistic behaviors as a step towards healing and moving forward from abuse.

#AskAnne Is it Typical for a Covert Narcissist to Think People Should Be Able To Read Minds?

Mind reading with Covert Narcissist

Thank you to one of my readerson Medium for sending in this. One of our first of hopefully many for a successful column.

Question: #ASKANNE Is it typical for a covert narcissist to think people should be able to read their minds?

Feeling something was amiss, I often received silent treatment and grey rock when trying to engage in conversation with my covert narcissist ex. If a issue did climax with the covert narcissist, in a external outburst of anger (I say “if” because issues tended to fester for a long time), the go to explanation for the outburst was, you should have known.

Such a great question to ask.

Mind Reading

Yes, it is common for a covert narcissist to think that people should be able to read their mind. Mind reading is one of the tactics that is used by Narcissists, to manipulate you into making you feel as though you are crazy for not knowing what they are thinking.

It’s that assumption that you should have known what they were thinking, feeling, about to say — or even doing.

Mind reading changes the dynamic from say YOU asserting the power to THEM having the power over you. It only reinforces the victim mentality for the Narcissist, because ‘you should have known’ so it is essentially your fault. Taking away any responsibility from the Narcissist.

You Should Have Known

Without knowing the full picture with this question, it sounds like when you tried to have a conversation with this person, they would use the silent treatment to show you they were upset.

The silent treatment is almost a cowards way out of dealing with a difficult conversation. The silent treatment can look like ignoring someone for several hours or even days. I spoke about this in one of my articles about how sometimes the other person when they come out of the silent treatment, may act as though nothing was ever wrong.

It is more common than you think for couples to use the silent treatment when they are upset or angry, but for it to be prolonged followed by an outburst can appear calculated. If this, along with the grey rocking, continues to be a pattern and is becoming more frequent then it might be time to question what value that you are receiving from this relationship. It sounds like this has been going on for some time.

As to whether you should have known, absolutely not. You are not a mind reader. Healthy relationships are built on trust, respect and open communication. As well as an equal give and take.

Intentionally failing to mention events

One manoever I often see from narcissists is when they say to you ‘I already told you…’ or ‘you knew this was coming up..’ say in regards to an event the narcissist is attending. This can be unintentional, however it many instances it is intentional to make you feel crazy.

They may not tell you (and you know and swear they have said nothing) but yet they insist that they have told you and you should have known. A tactic to make you feel as though you are going crazy.

Lastly

First I want to say that I am disappointed that the person in your life has treated you this way. One thing that I always warn people of is the enabling of that specific type of behaviour.

I really hate using the word enable.. because we really don’t mean to support the behaviour, but our actions say otherwise.

Such as if the partner was having a tantrum, and getting all upset and throwing a hissy fit. And then we pander to their behaviour, apologise, say sorry — perhaps for things that we didn’t even do. The other person knows that next time if they throw a tantrum, then you may react in a specific way.

One thing that is positive is that you have now identified that this behaviour going on, so you now know when to recognise when it happens again.

I hope I was able to answer your question, and thank you so much for sending it in.

Remember if you have a question you want answered please send it in with the subject #ASKANNE to [email protected]

Do you need help moving forward from Narcissistic Abuse? Get in touch with me here

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