Asexuality Is Not Celibacy
I’m asexual and I am not celibate
There’s this idea I see around, even sometimes among the asexual community, that being asexual means you don’t ever have sex, or least, don’t ever want to have sex. This is just not true.
The word “asexual” is a strange word. In biology, it means “having no sex or sexual organs.” For example, an amoeba that reproduces by splitting in half. But a person who identifies as having an asexual identity is not an amoeba. When used to describe someone’s sexual identity, “asexual” simply means “lacking sexual attraction.” An asexual person can be celibate or not. Asexuality is not celibacy. Asexuality is simply the lack of sexual attraction. An asexual person can still feel sexual desire. I do.
a person who identifies as having an asexual identity is not an amoeba
Some asexuals are repulsed by sex and have no interest in it whatsoever. And that’s valid. But that is not all asexuals.
Asexuality is a spectrum, like many (most?) other things in life. An asexual person might enjoy having sex quite often, only have sex to please their partner, never have it at all, or various other options. Every person is different.
Asexuality is simply the lack of sexual attraction.
I make a dish for dinner every so often out of ground beef and cream of mushroom soup with whatever spices sound good to me at the time. During the entire cooking process and after it is finished, this mess looks disgusting. It is a brownish-grey mushy-looking slop. It is not attractive. (It does smell good, though.) But when I put it in my mouth, it tastes amazing. It is delicious.
To me, sex is kind of like this ground beef hash thing. It’s messy and sloppy and requires cleanup afterward. Sometimes I don’t want to bother, and I never look at it and feel any kind of physical desire for it, but while I am experiencing it, it is amazing. I enjoy it.
Honestly, misunderstanding asexuality is a big reason why it took me so long to realize that I’m asexual. I thought there was no way I could be asexual because I really like sex. But I have never felt any kind of physical response to looking at someone or speaking to them. I don’t experience sexual attraction. That makes me asexual. It doesn’t make me celibate.