As My Business Grows, My Empathy Shrinks. Can I Stop It?
The realities of running an online business
Recently, someone very close to me said I’ve been “uncharacteristically un-empathetic”.
At first, I was taken aback. I’ve always prided myself on being in tune with my emotions — and, the emotions of those around me.
But, truthfully, they were right.
Here’s how starting an online business has changed the way I think, feel, and interact with the world.
And, if there’s anything I can do to stop it…
The reality of business.
Last year, I decided to go all-in on my online business.
After years of side hustling, I decided it was time. I quit my full-time job at a tech startup to pursue my life-long passion for writing.
It started with this blog.
And, over the past year or so, has blossomed into a total of 6 income streams.
I’m not making a fortune. But, I’m surviving.
And, things have started taking off in the past few months. Largely, due to a deliberate shift in mindset.
I stopped thinking with my gut.
Being a very intuitive person, by nature, I’ve always shut the door on certain opportunities, because… well, I didn’t want to open them.
We all must navigate life with our moral compass. And, unfortunately, it seemed as though financial success never lined up with the direction my gut was headed.
So, I took a detour.
And, I’m beginning to wonder if it was the right move…
You need emotions.
In life, being in tune with your emotions is a superpower.
It allows you to stop and reset before you burn out. Step outside of yourself when you become irritable. And, make the necessary adjustments when things just feel off.
But, when running a business, emotions often get in the way.
I’ve always felt guilty about making money.
Perhaps it was my upbringing. Or, a constant stream of childhood nineties movies depicting rich business people as villains.
Regardless, making money has always felt awkward to me. And, I’ve looked down upon those boasting about their online successes. But, the truth is, money isn’t the root of all evil.
In reality, it’s a necessity of life.
Although materialistic endeavors are often hollow and shortlived, they lay out a blueprint for achieving personal wealth.
Emotions are important. But, they merely act as compasses. And, must be used in tandem with tangible, linear thinking —maps.
Money can buy happiness.
I truly believe vulnerability is the key to growth. It allows you to act uninhibited by fear. And, following one’s heart always leads to a happier existence.
But, emotions need resources to grow:
- Time
- Space
- Security
All of which, money can buy. And, can be interrupted by the impending stress of wondering where your next paycheck will come from.
The truth is, that personal and financial wealth are two sides of the same coin.
And, to marry the two, you must be able to detach yourself from your emotions when necessary.
You can’t think with emotions.
[A real-life story].
In the 2nd round of their championship bout, Khabib Nurmogomedov called out to his opponent as he reigned down punches upon him,
“Let’s talk now.”
After months of build-up, the two were locked in an octagon together. And, the time for talk was over.
As the round ended and the referee separated the two, Conor could be heard pleading,
“It’s just business.”
Although at the time, Conor was touted as a master of mental warfare, regularly taunting his opponents to gain a mental edge, he had made one crucial error. He fed into his own emotions. Not to mention, his ego.
And, the Irish superstar had entered the match undertrained, injured, and in no mental state to fight 5 rounds at a championship level.
On the other hand, Khabib, the undefeated Russian legend fought with a delicate balance of emotion and strategy. He used his anger as fuel but didn’t let it consume him.
The key to success lies in balance.
No matter what area of life, I’ve always found the key to success to be a balance of motivation, emotional awareness, and strategy.
And, when it comes to my online business, I realized a few months ago that if I wanted to make any real progress, I needed to become more calculated.
How I’ve changed the way I think.
There are only 2 inevitabilities of life:
- It will be difficult
- It will come to an end
Everything else is uncertain. And, to find success in our competitive world, you must give yourself every advantage possible.
I’ve never been a numbers person.
Math was my worst subject in school. And, for whatever reason, I’ve much preferred to rely on intuition rather than stats.
But, you need numbers.
Although it’s great to feel your way through many aspects of life, the truth is, we lie to ourselves… constantly. When things aren’t going well, we will tell ourselves it’s out of our control. And, when we do find success, it’s common to question whether it was just luck.
Numbers offer structure.
One of the best things I’ve done in recent years is start a YouTube channel.
Aside from it being creatively fulfilling, fun, and a great way to develop new skills, it’s forced me to analyze myself. From the way I present and sound to the information I provide.
Being as though I’m no longer talking only to myself, I need to be clear, concise, and appeal to a wide audience.
So, I’ve become much more analytical in how I think:
- Analyzing stats/metrics
- Receiving feedback objectively
- Understanding what works (and doesn’t work)
More and more, I’ve begun looking at hard data as my most precious commodity. Although positive feedback feels good, it’s nothing more than distracting rubble if it’s not backed up by facts.
And, while this newfound focus on metrics has helped me grow exponentially, I fear it may be coming at a cost to my personal life…
The one-track mind.
Multiple studies now show that the idea of multitasking is nothing more than a myth.
The human brain can only focus on one task at a time. And, people who feel as though they’re getting more done by constantly switching between tasks are… well, merely feeling as though they are.
The reality is, every time you switch between mental tasks, it comes with a cost — a “switch cost”.
Just as it takes us time and energy to switch between different parts of our brain, it also takes us energy to switch between analytical and emotional thinking.
It’s much easier to adapt one way of thinking.
It’s for this reason, we often define people’s personalities by their chosen professions. It’s hard to come home from a day of data research to listen to a loved one talk about baseless emotional theories.
And, what I’ve noticed is the more I sequester emotions to focus on tangible growth, the less patience I have for what I perceive to be wasted energy.
What’s good for business isn’t always for life.
For example, when I look at comments on my posts or videos, I need to shut off my gut to not get offended by possibly differing opinions. But, in the same breath, if a loved one needs to be heard, my gut needs to remain primed and ready to empathize.
So, at the present moment, I’m in a bit of limbo.
I recognize the necessity to grow my business.
But, I’m also beginning to wonder where this road will take me.
Final thoughts: life is infinitely unfinished.
It’s at this part of my articles that I like to offer a final takeaway.
But, I’m not sure if I have one.
Life is a constant stream of change. And, learning to channel it into forward momentum is what keeps you moving in the right direction.
With that said, presently, it’s hard for me to discern whether I will enjoy where I’m currently headed. Or, if there’s anything I can do to stop it.
At the end of the day, the first step to growth is acceptance.
And, by writing this, I feel as though I’ve taken the first step toward a more balanced mindset.
So, thanks for reading.
And, if you have any advice, I’m all ears. 🙂 💬
Hi, I’m Hudson. I write about living healthier, happier, and more mindfully. To see my stories pop up on your feed, I’d love for you to follow me (Hudson Rennie). And, to have stories sent directly to you, subscribe to my newsletter.👇
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