Summary

A single mother grapples with the scarcity of time to balance her work, household duties, and personal life, while striving for a better future for herself and her daughter.

Abstract

The author, a single mother working from home, candidly shares her daily struggles with time management. She juggles a myriad of responsibilities, including work, childcare, and household chores, often feeling overwhelmed by her never-ending to-do list. The scarcity of time leaves little room for personal hobbies, relaxation, or quality time with her daughter. Despite the guilt and challenges, she harbors big dreams of her writing providing financial stability, allowing her to focus on more meaningful activities. She reflects on societal biases against single mothers and her own self-perception, emphasizing the importance of self-belief and the pursuit of a balanced life.

Opinions

The author feels guilty for prioritizing work over spending time with her daughter and maintaining a clean household.
She is critical of societal expectations and biases against single mothers, particularly the notion that they should suffer or are less capable.
The author is determined to improve her situation, believing in the power of effort and self-belief to achieve her dreams of financial freedom through writing.
She acknowledges her mental health challenges, including being on the autism spectrum, dealing with depression, and recovering from a relationship with a married man, but rejects the idea that she is a lost cause.
The author encourages others facing struggles to commit to their dreams and to believe in their ability to create a better future.

As a Single Mom, Time Is My Scarcest Resource

Finding enough of it is my biggest dream.

My to-do list is so scary that I get exhausted even thinking about it. For the past few years that I've been working from home, I just can't seem to figure out how everybody gets their shit done. Work, housekeeping, child rearing, cooking, laundry, errands--I still can't find a way to get all of those things done in any given week. Or month.

And that's just my to-do list of responsibilities. It doesn't include the fun stuff like my hobbies, a social life, stress relief, and um, fun. God, it doesn't even include reading a book or catching up on a show.

Truth be told, I "watch" most movies and shows while I work. While I write. And while my daughter's at her dad's. When my daughter is here at home (the bulk of the time), the TV is either off or set to her choice. Usually that means videos of other people playing with toys on YouTube. Kids today are weird. What am I saying? The internet's made everybody weird.

My never-ending to-do list means I am riddled with guilt. Absolutely saddlebagged. I feel guilty that I have to work when my four-year-old wants to play. Guilty that I am a terrible housekeeper. Guilty that I spend no time in the kitchen cooking anymore--especially since my daughter wants to cook and bake together.

Lately I'm juggling my usual to-do list where half of it lags behind as usual, but I've also got to think about all of the seasonal stuff to do. The holidays. I need to clear a space for our pink Christmas tree. Figure out where I'm going to set up the Playmobil advent calendar. Reorganize my daughter's belongings and purge whatever's just wasting space. Did I mention that organization is not my strong suit?

Every year that passes is a bigger and bigger reminder that time is not on my side. Even sitting here writing this story, I worry that I'm doing the "wrong" thing. That it's not going to be the best bang for my buck, and that I should be doing something else instead. Laundry. Housekeeping. Client work. Or, hello, healthy habits like exercise which just as easily get left behind. Shouldn't I be exercising instead?

My single mom guilt is all wrapped up in the reality that my work comes first for now. My work comes before my daughter and myself, because without it, we wouldn't get by. If I'm honest? I kind of hate that part of me. I don't want to be about mere survival. And work. Instead, I want to show my daughter how to live well. But I've still got a ton to learn about it myself.

Truthfully, I've got big dreams. I'm dreaming of the day my writing will earn enough income without it consuming so much of my time. I'm dreaming of quitting my job as a social media writer and only writing from my heart. Don't tell me it's a pipedream that can't come true--I believe in it too much. I believe in myself way too much.

Isn't it amazing how much things can change once we really put in the right kind of effort? Six months ago I just hoped to use my writing to get by. If I could make twenty bucks on a story, hey, that's more than I make blogging for other companies. Now most of my stories make more, so I get to write a few less. Or spend more time on one piece. I've seen some growth and now I'm determined to keep working and to keep believing I can achieve this dream of spending better quality time with my daughter.

I've been a single mom since my pregnancy five years ago. Which means I only know parenting in the context of never having enough time. Maybe other single moms do it better than me, because my best still isn't enough to give me the time I so desperately need. Maybe I'm just slower than most people. Or perhaps it's just my being aspie and depressed and borderline.

Whatever the reason or reasons, time is my greatest hurdle and scarcest resource. And somehow I think there's someone else out there who can understand me.

A lot of people out there have a strong bias against single moms. Like we're just drama or gold diggers and our lives are supposed to be hard. I've met people who get pissed at the mere idea of my doing "too well," because they want me to suffer. I had an affair with a married man, and our relationship resulted in a baby--so I'm naturally required to pay for my sins forever.

That's how some people have treated me, and for a while, that's how I treated myself. Like I had to suffer.

However, I've lived, loved, and lost long enough to discover that I'm no worse than anyone else. Sure, I got duped along the way. Loved the wrong kind of people. Let circumstances carry me away with the current. I made those mistakes, but I was never a lost cause.

And neither are you.

I might not know your story or struggle, but I know you're capable of committing to your dreams as well. Maybe you don't struggle with time like I do, but you're still struggling nonetheless.

If a better future is worth it, you can find a way. You will find a way to a more balanced life. If you try.

If we try and commit ourselves to our dreams, I believe we'll create the futures we've been longing for. So don't drop out of the chase. There's a helluva lot to be said for simply believing in ourselves and acting on that belief. For telling ourselves "I think I can." Day after day after every damn day.

Stranger things have happened.