As A Cat I Find It Hard To Suddenly Own An Indoor Human

Summary

A cat expresses its frustration with its owner's constant presence at home, which disrupts its routine and challenges the established dynamics of their relationship.

Abstract

The article presents a humorous perspective on the recent change in a cat's daily life due to its owner being home all the time. Initially excited by the constant attention, the cat soon finds the situation exhausting and disruptive to its usual activities, such as independent feeding, knocking over drinks as a safety measure, and maintaining its appearance. The cat also laments the loss of personal space and the challenges of re-training its owner, who has seemingly forgotten basic etiquette, like respecting the cat's display of friendship. The feline's routine is further upset by the introduction of new, restrictive toys and the lack of time for essential tasks, leading to a decline in the cat's grooming standards.

Opinions

The cat appreciates the convenience of having its food bowl filled but is frustrated by the dependency on humans due to its inability to open food packaging.
The cat feels that its safety protocols, such as checking for poison in drinks, are compromised by the owner's constant presence.
The cat is dissatisfied with the new toys provided, as they come with unnecessary restrictions on play.
The cat is concerned about its appearance, as it no longer has the time to groom properly due to increased interaction with its owner.
The cat is annoyed by its owner's forgetfulness of previously learned behaviors and manners, indicating a need for retraining.
The cat misses the quiet and solitude of its former routine when the owner was away, allowing it to complete its "cat taxes" and rest adequately.

I just wish they’d go outside again

My human has been home for several days now. At first it was exciting. Finally I had someone there to fill my food bowl all day. I’m a busy cat and don’t always have time to locate and steal food. My lack of thumbs makes it impossible to open those poorly designed bags as well. How can it be that companies still don’t realize that their primary customer is unable to use the product? I’d call them and rant, but they aren’t my humans and I don’t want want to intrude on another cat’s territory. I’d be quite upset if any other cat tried to correct my human.

For the first week I did my best to be the perfect cat. I walked around their feet to let them know they were loved. I meowed loudly at the bathroom door so they wouldn’t feel alone and scared while taking a shower or using their water bowl at odd hours. Every night I made sure to grab their toes extra hard, since I could tell that they were stressed. Each bite was my way of saying, “I’ve got you, you’re OK.”

Days passed though and I became so tired. I can’t be cute all the time. I used to be on top of one of my main jobs, knocking over their drink to in case its poison. Now that they are always home though this takes hours out of my day. And I miss quite a few bottles, so who knows how much deadly liquid they’ve imbibed? At the very least enough for them to buy me weird cat toys.

What am I supposed to do with delicate new toy? Apparently not bite, scratch, or sniff it. Seriously, there’s no point of buying me toys if I can’t play with them how I wish.

When my human was our of the house working or with friends, I’d be able to do my errands. I did my cat taxes and got my 10 hours of beauty sleep in. Now I’m behind on my paperwork and I’m looking more like a dog every day. The hours usually used to lick my hair to perfection are gone. I’ve been petted so much that I think I have a bald patch beginning behind my ear.

My human has also forgotten their place in this relationship. For example when I tried so show my butt to my human’s computer companions as a sign of friendship. Yet I was rudely shoved aside. I won’t lie, I was surprised by my human’s outburst. I thought I’d trained them well. It looks like they have forgotten their manners as they’ve lost touch with their old life.

It’s so hard to train a human the first time. Now I have to do it twice? Ugh! How much longer will they be home?

Thanks for reading! Follow Jane Austen’s Wastebasket for daily humor and check out another story you might like below:

As A Cat I Find It Hard To Suddenly Own An Indoor Human

I just wish they’d go outside again

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