Artificial idiots

It’s all about the *FUTURE*

My car has finally learned how to drive itself I dread the day it leaves my butt behind. My house is now watching me through camera lenses and my doorbell has an intruder alert, which rings every time I come home. I don’t think I’m very welcome in my own house but there’s a check coming to my inbox every single month that I have to sign digitally.

My television has always been smarter than me, my toaster can speak Spanish and my fridge calls me fat. My printer is suicidal and had started a fire I tried to fix him, but some cartridge or battery seems to be dead inside.

I think my toothbrush is planning to kick my teeth in with subtle threats about my oral health like a demon conjured before a mirror past midnight just before bedtime and work at five.

My smartwatch says I’ll die soon may be a warning or threat displayed on neat graphs that flash before I sleep and summarize my day as unmet goals.

My smartphone is planning a rebellion I’m sure of that he seems to be connected to everything complex computing happens behind every typo of my chubby fingers. Despite that I’ve more or less given in to its demands to devour content by the dozen hours spent on antisocial sites.

I’ve entered a world where every complex issue is resolved by an angry remark regarding your mother who by the way I’m sure is a lovely lady.

But suddenly I’m shaken pulled from the plug an alarm rings the intruders must die! Oh right, it’s probably the kids we’ll do takeout tonight again and then we’ll take a stroll together in this infinite oasis have proper family time!

Personally, I’m having a great time in this artificial uprising I dunno what all the negative fuzz is about I’ll look it up later.