Arriving First in a Dream

The joy that has been my eldest daughter! This beautiful child introduced me to fatherhood. She taught me so much, and she helped me become a better person in hundreds of ways. Now she is a busy mom herself, with an active three-year-old, and I see so much of her in the little girl she now shepherds from place to place and from dawn to dusk.

She came to us through International Adoption. Before her picture ever arrived from the agency, I dreamed her picture clearly. On her back, hands held “just so” with fingers crossed above her head. When her picture arrived in the adoption paperwork, I immediately recognized her from my dream. She was already imprinted on my heart and on my soul.

This tiny six-month-old was so smart that we didn’t realize that she was grieving the loss of her foster mom for the first few weeks we had her with us. By the time she was one year old, she was talking in sentences, standing, and walking anywhere she wanted. Her bright eyes never missed anything, and she was fiercely independent. Being a new parent I never realized how quickly she had hit the growth benchmarks.

“A father holds his daughter’s hand for a short while, but holds her in his heart forever.”

I did not grow up with much of a parenting example to guide me, I’m afraid, so I made a lot of mistakes finding my way. And, my now ex-wife, her mother, had never been around small children. My ex’s mother, however, was an excellent role model for parenting, I believe, so she took to it beautifully in some ways, and like me struggled with other aspects of being a parent.

This tiny little baby girl was distressed by the early separation, and I feel that this may haunt her even today. I sincerely hope not. Because to see her as a mother is wonderful. She is so patient and loving with her own little girl, who is not three years old, and fiercely protective of her in every way possible. My dear daughter has been kind to me as an adult, and as forgiving as she can be for my failings in life as a dad and role model. I am so glad to see how she has shaped her own destiny and secured her own future.

As a child, she was an enigma. When we played tag or “monster”, she wanted to be caught, but she also didn’t want to be caught. She wanted to be hugged, but she also didn’t want to be hugged. She had a tough exterior and a soft inner core that was fragile. I absolutely see this in her even today and absolutely understand her feelings. As a dad, part of me hurts because I know this must be so difficult for her to cope with in her everyday life.

I well remember a day when she was in late grade school or middle school. I believe it was about 5th grade. She was standing in front of the mirror at home and crying. I asked her what was hurting her, and she broke down and said, “I’ll never be pretty!” This shattered my heart. But, I understood why she felt that way.

She was an Asian child among mostly Caucasian and Hispanic classmates. I’m betting she was being teased by some of them. I remember telling her at the time, “Oh my! Don’t worry! You are going to grow up to be a more beautiful person than you are even now! You are going to be a stunning woman. You are a beautiful girl!” I’m not sure she believed me, but I still treasure the pictures of her when she was chosen as one of only ten fashion models for the“Thread Week” event fashion show in San Diego while she was in college.

I attended the event, and I’ll never forget standing and looking around for her. A soft voice said, “Dad?” I turned around and saw this beautiful, amazing-looking young woman, stunning in the fashion they had chosen for her to wear! My heart just about burst!

“A daughter may outgrow your lap, but she never outgrows your heart”

Her drive for perfection has been relentless. She keeps an immaculate home. She looks beautiful and has a grace about her personality. She and her husband did everything right in preparing to be parents, including having a beautiful family-style home ready for my beautiful granddaughter to grow up in. She chose a husband who is a great friend to her and a father to their daughter. She and her husband completed college and had good careers before they brought our precious granddaughter into the world.

Her high school years and college years were an exercise in making a plan that would leave her dependent on no one. She has made her own success in life through hard work and dedication to her goals. She is a successful career woman and a confident, patient mother.

As a dad I am so proud of her and how she has shaped her life. She is a wonderful sister to her younger brother and sister. She is admired by her friends and has a fun and supportive group of friends from college that keep in touch and support one another as parents. My only sadness is for my own short years left to see where my children go in life.

As parents, we want the best for them in life. We want our children to be self-sufficient and successful in their pursuits. But we only provide the stepping stones that lead them so far along the way. This beautiful daughter took command of her life early on and succeeded in spite of the hardships thrust on her early in life, through adoption, parental divorce, and the stumbling of her own parents who were not prepared for the tasks that they took on. She succeeded in spite of all of those factors, in building a life she can be proud of.

• “One of the greatest titles in the world is parent, and one of the biggest blessings in the world is to be one.” — Jim DeMint