Humor

Arranged Marriage Gave Me the Most Shocking Experience Ever

#2 Was I kinky enough to be his wife?

‘’A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.’’ Mignon McLaughlin

Marriage is one thing that I look forward to but terrified at the same time. Sorry, but marriages scare the hell out of me. You spend a major amount of time getting all cozy in your childhood home, and one day you're expected to pack your bags and leave.

A new house, a new locality, a new kitchen, a new bed??? I love all things ‘new’, but this is too much. And on top of that, I come from a country that proudly hoists the ‘’Arranged marriages’’ flags (Red flags rather).

More than the government websites, you will find websites for marriages. No wonder, the government is not able to keep a tab on our population.

Arranged marriages are a business in India — Literally. They give you several membership options — silver, gold, diamond, platinum, VIP, elite, luxury, and so on. You will learn all jargons, from buying jewelry to buying IPL tickets on one website. And the website has nothing to do with any of those.

It is in fact about two people meeting together to see if they have it in them to what it takes to be a ‘couple.’

But the reality of Arranged Marriages is known only to the people who have entered that pit. Yes, it is a pit, and the pit has managers who guide you through it. With the help of such ‘’Managers’’ I have had the opportunity to meet several #suitableprospects that suited my #Partnerexpectations.

So let me take you through some of the partner expectations a few of these guys had from their #would-be-wife, in this case, ‘ME’.

A Nurse

Ah, did you picture the slutty nurse? Sorry to disappoint, but some guys were looking for an actual nurse. I had met a guy way back in 2014. He was working in the KPO/BPO sector. I ignored the fact that he didn't have any ambition in his life.

I still gave him the benefit of doubt. I asked him a few questions and ended with ‘What are your partner's expectations?.’ I was expecting the typical answer where he would say that you pursue whatever you like but stay committed to my family as well. His family comprised of him and his mother.

But his answer pushed me off my seat.

He said, ‘’I just want someone to take care of my mom. I don't want anything else.’’ There was a silence at our table. My eyes met across his mom sitting on the other end of the restaurant with my family. I took a few seconds to process that, this man was looking for a nurse, and not a life partner.

I was wrong to expect that he will add some statement after that, but he didn't. My heart sank. I had to let him go. #sadsmiley

A sex slave

Ooh, la la. Sounds sexy, doesn't it? Except it isn't. Usually, there is a protocol followed when a girl and a boy converse for the first time. They get basic information about each other such as their family, job, career plans, hobbies, passion, etc. And then they move to other topics like partner expectations, their expectations if the marriage is finalized, finances after marriage, etc.

So I got a guy's number from a popular matrimonial website. Let's call him Vikrant. So, Vikrant and I got to talking on a call trying to know each other. It was the first time we were speaking to each other. If he turned out to be the shy type, I had kept questions ready that could get us going.

But this man was far from shy.

He was a downright disgusting, jerk, moron, bastard, and pervert of a person. He was not interested in my hobbies, or my family, or my job. He was more interested in things that would suggest we were going to get married as soon as the call got over.

Here are the questions Vikrant asked me —

1. How many times do you bathe in a day?
2. What kind of clothes do you wear at night?
3. How many sexual encounters have you had so far?
4. What kind of kissing do you like the most?
5. What is your favorite position in bed?
6. What is your kinkiest sexual fantasy?

I on the other end looked like this :-o

While he was still blabbering I revisited the matrimonial website to ensure I had got the number from there and not from an escort service. But I had got the number from the escort sorry matrimonial website only. I went back to listening to his blabbering where he finally disclosed his partner's expectations.

‘’Listen Bhavna, I want to be very open with you. My wife will have a very tough time with me for the first few years. I have an exceptionally high sex drive and I don't have any shame to admit it. If you and I get married, you will have to fulfill all my sexual fantasies, cos let me tell you frankly, I have never touched a girl in my life.’’

My mouth was wide open and maybe a fly went in too. I don't know. I was just startled by what I had just heard. I knew I had to reply, something. So I just said, okay I got it. My inner goddess wanted to shower him with words like ‘Motherf*ucker’ but my Indian values stopped me from doing so.

Before I could lose my cool, I tried to wrap up the conversation. But he threw one more googly at me. ‘’Listen Bhavna, it is impossible to know each other just through calls. Why don't we go to Goa together? Let us stay there for a few days and see how things work.’’

ME- ‘’I will get back to you later. Got to go. Bye.’’

The phone hanged up. User blocked. The user reported with a humongous message to the website.’’

A free servant+ Free ATM

Indian women are trained right from their puberty, to look after the husband’s needs, his family’s needs, his siblings' needs, his relatives' needs, and the need of others, who are important in his life. So a girl knows, if she wants free sex on a regular basis, and also to stay within the societal norms, she has to take all of the bullshit together. Her mind is pre-prepared.

But some over-smart people cannot keep it in their mouth. They want to ensure that the girl they are considering as their future bride, is trained properly.

And nowadays, they get an additional benefit of cash inflow from their daughter-in-law. Because thanks to the women empowerment programs, every woman is expected to contribute a hefty amount of her salary for running the household.

It is not enough, that she has left her parents forever and agreed to settle with the ‘less loving kinds’ who she knows won't love her as much as her parents did. Obviously, the third guy I met, made me feel that I would be a free ATM/Servant/Whore for him for the rest of my life.

Nothing in his sentences gave me a feeling of partnership for life, friendship, loyalty, care, support, understanding, etc. So that’s it. I bid farewell to the whoremonger too. Didn't have any choice there.

In closing

I would like to restate that not all the guys I met were bad. Some were really sweet and decent, and with good values as well. But there was no spark or a sign that could have helped us move forward. I know there are a lot of expectations attached when two people tie the knot, but the expectations should not be enforced on the person, that they start feeling handcuffed in a relationship that demands equality on every step of life.

Bhavna Narula, 2021.