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Abstract

believe life should be?

You could imagine that you’re going to parent in a different way to your parent and then find yourself doing or saying the same things that were told to you as a child.You might have moments where you find yourself attaching to an old label that you’re shy or not confident. Or perceive lack where there isn’t any.You might compare yourself to others even when you imagine that you’ve moved on from this behaviour.Or you might cling to old beliefs without realising that this isn’t the way you think but old conditioned thinking. I heard a man on the beach recently telling his children that they had to wait 2 hours after eating before going into the sea.Despite his wife laughing and showing him evidence on her smartphone that this is a myth, he insisted it must be true because this is what his mother used to say. This is a classic example of conditioned thinking. If this man had taken the time to read the information or even question the logic, he must have seen through the myth, but he clung to his conditioned thinking about the dangers.

Conditioned thinking can keep us trapped in our old beliefs. If you were brought up to think that having money creates problems, you might hold on to an unconscious fear of money. You might either do your best to avoid it, taking low-paid jobs or consistently getting into debt, or you might make loads of money and do your best to give it away.If you were conditioned to think that it isn’t a good thing to aspire to more as this is ‘getting above yourself’ and were told that ‘aiming too high will only result in a fall’, then you might unconsciously hold yourself back and experience a dichotomy in your thinking.Your new way of seeing the world might encourage you to know that you can go for anything and be anything you want, yet the old thinking might cause you to sabotage your success.There are a thousand ways that conditioned thinking appears real. And that’s fine. You don’t need to do anything about your thinking; that’s like fighting air dragons with a plastic sword. All you need to do is to recognise that you’ve dropped into conditioned thinking again and laugh at yourself.You’ll know when you’re in this old thinking because you may not believe your words.

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To give you an example, I don’t believe that I can bring bad luck to my life via the words that I say and yet, occasionally, I find myself touching wood as I speak.That is conditioned thinking.I’m repeating the words and actions of my highly superstitious mother, and I’m saying the words ‘touch wood’ without even realising that I am doing it.You can see how often the people around you slip into conditioned thinking, holding on to beliefs that came from other people, for example, people who want to lose weight but feel that they must finish every bite on their plate because that’s what their mother told them to do when they were six years old. I had a client who had just retired from a job as a Headmistress of a private school who told me when I asked why she ate everything on her plate, ‘that’s she is a good girl’. She realised what she’d just said and burst into tears. Her mother had been dead for twenty years, and yet this woman was still following the conditioned thinking that she had to be good for her mother.<h2 id="3f93">How to let go of conditioned thinking</h2>Letting go of conditioned thinking isn’t a ‘should’, but if you want to change something in your life and you’re struggling to make the change because of an old, unwanted belief that came from someone else, it can be helpful for you to notice this thinking and see through it so that you can make changes.Look at what old thinking you have; remember, conditioned thinking is subconscious; it sneaks in without you realising because it feels like the truth as if it’s just something you’ve always believed.How about old thinking that a certain job is for ‘those people’ and not for you. Maybe you want to change your career, but there’s some old thinking around self-belief or being good enough.Watch for things you say that aren’t congruent to you — because they aren’t your words. Why do you think that? Do you really think that? If not, it’s time to wave that thinking goodbye.This type of thinking is insidious; you may not realise that your running old patterns; you might not see that the patterns aren’t yours but were handed down to you by people in your life but when you do notice, laugh at yourself, shrug your shoulders and think again.</article></body>

Are Your Thoughts Really Your Thoughts?

Or is it old conditioned thinking?

I’ve always thought like this, you probably say.

Have you?

Or is it conditioned thinking?

You’ve heard about classical conditioning, I’m sure. Everyone knows about Pavlov and his dogs.

In humans, classical conditioning can often be seen in phobias and other types of anxiety disorders. A friend of mine who is terrified of snakes finds it nerve-wracking to walk in the woods. Not because of snakes but because of the snake-like branches she comes across. This is the conditioned stimulus; she feels the fear even if no actual snake is present.

It’s probably impossible not to have conditioned thinking, but, just like in other scenarios, noticing that you’re in old, conditioned thinking will help you to let go and move forward.

Where does conditioned thinking come from?

You had an upbringing of some kind. You’ve had influencers in your life, whether a parent, a family member or a peer group and their influence will have helped shape your thinking.

You might think that you’ve got away from your past or live a totally different life from that of your family or childhood friends. You might have had a religious upbringing and are an atheist now? Or the other way around.

But then you find yourself repeating things you were told without questioning whether this is the way you think about a situation or a conditioned response.

Conditioned thinking shows up in a variety of ways

You might have been fed the story of how life should be, and you subconsciously cling to an old dream of how a family should act or look, the job you should have, the partner and a whole host of other ways of living.

But is this really how you think life should be, or is this what you’ve been told, maybe how your parents believe life should be? You could imagine that you’re going to parent in a different way to your parent and then find yourself doing or saying the same things that were told to you as a child.

You might have moments where you find yourself attaching to an old label that you’re shy or not confident. Or perceive lack where there isn’t any.

You might compare yourself to others even when you imagine that you’ve moved on from this behaviour.

Or you might cling to old beliefs without realising that this isn’t the way you think but old conditioned thinking. I heard a man on the beach recently telling his children that they had to wait 2 hours after eating before going into the sea.

Despite his wife laughing and showing him evidence on her smartphone that this is a myth, he insisted it must be true because this is what his mother used to say. This is a classic example of conditioned thinking. If this man had taken the time to read the information or even question the logic, he must have seen through the myth, but he clung to his conditioned thinking about the dangers. Conditioned thinking can keep us trapped in our old beliefs. If you were brought up to think that having money creates problems, you might hold on to an unconscious fear of money. You might either do your best to avoid it, taking low-paid jobs or consistently getting into debt, or you might make loads of money and do your best to give it away.

If you were conditioned to think that it isn’t a good thing to aspire to more as this is ‘getting above yourself’ and were told that ‘aiming too high will only result in a fall’, then you might unconsciously hold yourself back and experience a dichotomy in your thinking.

Your new way of seeing the world might encourage you to know that you can go for anything and be anything you want, yet the old thinking might cause you to sabotage your success.

There are a thousand ways that conditioned thinking appears real. And that’s fine. You don’t need to do anything about your thinking; that’s like fighting air dragons with a plastic sword. All you need to do is to recognise that you’ve dropped into conditioned thinking again and laugh at yourself.

You’ll know when you’re in this old thinking because you may not believe your words. To give you an example, I don’t believe that I can bring bad luck to my life via the words that I say and yet, occasionally, I find myself touching wood as I speak.

That is conditioned thinking.

I’m repeating the words and actions of my highly superstitious mother, and I’m saying the words ‘touch wood’ without even realising that I am doing it.

You can see how often the people around you slip into conditioned thinking, holding on to beliefs that came from other people, for example, people who want to lose weight but feel that they must finish every bite on their plate because that’s what their mother told them to do when they were six years old. I had a client who had just retired from a job as a Headmistress of a private school who told me when I asked why she ate everything on her plate, ‘that’s she is a good girl’. She realised what she’d just said and burst into tears. Her mother had been dead for twenty years, and yet this woman was still following the conditioned thinking that she had to be good for her mother.

How to let go of conditioned thinking

Letting go of conditioned thinking isn’t a ‘should’, but if you want to change something in your life and you’re struggling to make the change because of an old, unwanted belief that came from someone else, it can be helpful for you to notice this thinking and see through it so that you can make changes.

Look at what old thinking you have; remember, conditioned thinking is subconscious; it sneaks in without you realising because it feels like the truth as if it’s just something you’ve always believed.

How about old thinking that a certain job is for ‘those people’ and not for you. Maybe you want to change your career, but there’s some old thinking around self-belief or being good enough.

Watch for things you say that aren’t congruent to you — because they aren’t your words. Why do you think that? Do you really think that? If not, it’s time to wave that thinking goodbye.

This type of thinking is insidious; you may not realise that your running old patterns; you might not see that the patterns aren’t yours but were handed down to you by people in your life but when you do notice, laugh at yourself, shrug your shoulders and think again.