Are Your Actions And Words Aligned?

If not, here are some tips that might help you

Don’t we all have this perfectly arranged image of our own being? We somehow have created a version of ourselves inside our heads where we always do the right thing, have all the answers, act admirably, and with integrity, and are kind to our core.

Then we find ourselves in situations where this image is scattered. Somebody mirrors, that we are actually (quite) far from this version we would like to be.

Or, we know that the version we would like ourselves to be should do XYZ. But we act differently anyway.

I am aiming for my words to matter. Don’t you?

Why is it so hard to walk the talk?

Although words are powerful, many things are easier said than done. It is easy to say “From now on, I am going to do more exercise,” or, “I will stop gossiping about my co-workers.”

And I believe that all of us at this very moment, really mean it. We really want to pursue a certain change. Be kinder. Healthier. Make an impact.

So why is it so hard to actually do it, then?

Well, whenever we want to work on ourselves, we need to break habits. And this is one hard task. We form habits through childhood and then build them over the years. It is little things, we do every day that we believe do not really have an impact. Yet, they do in the larger scheme of things. When you accumulate 10 minutes of scrolling through Instagram 6 times a day, it is an hour wasted that you could use for exercising.

If your go-to strategy every time you get triggered at work is to talk badly about others, this is a pattern that has become familiar to you and needs time to be broken.

Use your values as your guidelines

Before you randomly start implementing things you find admirable, you need to form a compass for yourself.

If you want to walk the talk in the long run, it is helpful to figure out what you actually want to stand for. Important to know: there is no right or wrong, as long as it represents your values.

If your most important values are that you want to be authentic and honest, no matter what, then walk through life communicating (respectfully) what you think. This might not make you the most likable person of the year. Yet, if this is what you stand for, then go for it!

Why is this important? Because if you are not used to this yet, you will find yourself in situations where you are lost as to how you should behave. In any of those situations, you can then ask yourself, whether this aligns with your values and what you stand for. If your behavior does not come from your inside, in line with your core values, you will walk through life as one shaky unstable individual.

I once talked to a good friend of mine who just booked a vacation for herself. It was her first solo holiday. Here is what she told me:

“I was thinking about it for so long. Yet, I was hesitant. What should I do in Asia alone? What if I become completely anxious traveling solo? I was literally in front of my laptop and debating with myself on whether I should book that flight. And then I had this thought — that I consider myself to be brave. And that is something so important to me in life. And this in the end convinced me to just book the flight.”

As always: start small and slow

At this point, I feel like I am repeating myself constantly. Yet, I also know that repetition is one of the most powerful learning tools.

So: you want to start aligning your words with your actions. Great! But be assured this is not going to be a short journey. Changing habits and going from saying things to actually taking action and doing them, is hard!

Whether it is physical action (i.e., the typical “I want to do more exercise”) or relationship-related matters (i.e., “I want to be able to communicate more openly”) — it is anything but easy!

Also, start small. Instead of “I am going to go for a run now every day for 1 hour”, start with “Instead of scrolling through Instagram 60 minutes a day, I am doing 30 and go for a short walk instead”.

Then observe. And develop this further.

Don’t forget the reality check

As painful as it is, as you are moving through this journey, you constantly need to make a reality check and see where you stand.

And yes, it is hard to admit that we are (most of the time) not this superhuman who always acts with 100% integrity.

But you know what? Already by asking yourself this question constantly, you are developing and working on yourself.

And this is what growth looks like.

Also, my last tip (as always) — compare yourself to a previous version of yourself instead of comparing yourself to others.